As we prepare for this weekend’s game, as fans, it’s always helpful to have a few mocking points on hand in case you encounter an alumnus of the University of Spoiled Children who just won’t silence their tanned, flapping gums. Obviously, if there’s any year for them to be still, it would be this one. Oh, and the next one. And the next one. And the year after that. When probation ends. And probably the decade that ensues, depending on who their coach is at that point. In the ...
The Pitts
You know those biblical literalists who believe that God planted dinosaur bones on earth to test our faith? Clearly, not huge fans of Occam’s Razor. Rather than just going ahead and believing in dinosaurs when you find their bones lying around and adapting your worldview to accommodate the rather sizable evidence in front of you, the work-around is to assume that since they aren’t mentioned in the Bible, God has clearly put these bones on earth for a reason. What reason? Well, clearly, ...
Boston Swallege
As a fan of a 1-3 football team, this continuous week after week mocking of the opponent begins to feel misguided. With every passing week I’m beginning to feel more and more like the really, really short bully from The Christmas Story. The one with the tweed cap pulled low over his eyes and the hand-me-down clothes? All of two feet tall, not a tooth left in my mouth, and still picking fights. If it weren’t Boston College this weekend, if it were say... Army, or Navy, I’d probably ...
Stanford, mocked
Reasons not to like Stanford University: 1. They made Tyrone Willingham look halfway decent for a few years, thus inflicting him on Notre Dame. Then that woman shaved her head. All Stanford’s fault, really. 2. Jim Harbaugh. Whines and pouts during games like a two-year-old leaving Chuck-E-Cheese before the animatronic garage band has finished “Proud Maryâ€. He embarrasses humanity at least once a game. Also, as domer_mq notes: went to Michigan. 3. Their halftime shows. I was ...
Michigan State, Mocked
Just in time, too. My, how they suck. Here's the original: Here's the revised: Michigan (State), We Mock You ...
Mocking Michigan – The Film
While most press conferences for college football coaches are a series of platitudes, truisms, and “no commentâ€s, Rich Rodriguez recently met with a group of Japanese reporters on a junket to Ann Arbor as part of the NCAA’s attempt to broaden the appeal of American football. The result was refreshing, candid, and a little disturbing. Apologies for the speed of Mr. Rod’s opening statement subtitles. His simultaneous translator nearly passed out with the pace of Rich’s nimble tongue. ...
Friday Roundup: The “All our pants are too large for these walk-ons†Edition
Not to worry. I’m just filling in for domer_mq who is basking in the sun somewhere, bobbing on an inflatable seahorse, and applying sun tan lotion a little too liberally for everyone’s comfort. In the meantime, forgive my faults and get it so hype. Notre Dame plays football tomorrow. The Roundup It has begun. And One Foot Down does a nice job of breaking down last night’s games with a view from the couch. Insights of note include the way that Hawaii outgained USC last night and ...
Weekly Video Mocking: Purdue Edition
One thing I have never seen is an ad for Notre Dame football tickets. The day may come, of course, when that will change. It will depend on whether or not the school continues to charge $70 per seat to watch the Irish feast on such morsels as Tulsa and Western Michigan. (Please, God, please let them feast on Tulsa and Western Michigan. Please let them be morsels. Amen.) As of now, you can go online to the school's official website and purchase tickets to all but the first two home games. ...
Father’s Re-re-re-introduction
Salve Magisterium, It has been a year and a half since my last profession. I have been writing and thinking, about this, that, and occasionally, your sister, just not on this particular forum. Like all stalwart Catholics, I must at times seclude myself in a beehive hut in some sparsely populated region of the world and contemplate the ball of wax that is my soul. Elusive wax. Malleable, somewhat sticky stuff, the soul, not to mention flammable. I emerged a year later from that ...
A passing in the Notre Dame/NBC family
Sadly, NBC and Notre Dame will be missing a familiar face when this season eventually, finally, rolls around. Bea Arthur has left the building. Silky coiffed Bea Arthur waves "So long" to an indifferent crowd of well-wishers. Soon after the cancellation of her hit sit-com Golden Girls, Arthur found her way to another passion: Notre Dame football. Assuming a nom de télévision, Arthur worked alongside former USC quarterback and elf Pat Haden to bring her wry wit, ...