Reasons not to like Stanford University:
1. They made Tyrone Willingham look halfway decent for a few years, thus inflicting him on Notre Dame. Then that woman shaved her head. All Stanfordâ€™s fault, really.
2. Jim Harbaugh. Whines and pouts during games like a two-year-old leaving Chuck-E-Cheese before the animatronic garage band has finished â€œProud Maryâ€. He embarrasses humanity at least once a game. Also, as domer_mq notes: went to Michigan.
3. Their halftime shows. I was in Ireland during the Stanford bandâ€™s salute to the Potato Famine. Iâ€™m all about the mocking, clearly, but it was kind of difficult to explain to my Irish friends what was so hilarious about a million deaths. I didnâ€™t really try that hard, though, to be honest.
In any event, their collection of YouTube videos is thousands deep. Everything at Stanford is documented and instantly uploaded. Not a sparrow farts, but a member of Stanfordâ€™s videography department is there to capture it. They also have the standard boilerplate academic commercials that roll through football games from time to time, just to remind you that Stanford is more than just a football school that won its last national championship in 1926 (and they shared that with Alabama, so let’s call that half a national championship, really). Hereâ€™s one example.
To summarize: â€œBlah blah blahâ€¦science! Blah blah blahâ€¦ collaboration!â€ accompanied by unnecessary helicopter tracking shots and use of green screen technology. You know what, hereâ€™s a better summary:
We mock you, Stanford. We mock you and your, yourâ€¦ healthy endowment! Andâ€¦ your, your breezy attitude, and yourâ€¦proximity to the Pacific Ocean and your, yourâ€¦ water polo dominance. Go stuff yourselves.