You know those biblical literalists who believe that God planted dinosaur bones on earth to test our faith? Clearly, not huge fans of Occam’s Razor. Rather than just going ahead and believing in dinosaurs when you find their bones lying around and adapting your worldview to accommodate the rather sizable evidence in front of you, the work-around is to assume that since they aren’t mentioned in the Bible, God has clearly put these bones on earth for a reason. What reason? Well, clearly, it’s a test. Because God f-s with you, you see?

I feel this way when I encounter fan video blogs. I feel like I’m being tested. The very goodness of my person is on trial. God has placed these videos on the internet to see if I’m going to be a big, old asshole about it or not. Why do I think this?

It’s one thing to mock a competing school, right? It’s an abstraction. It’s an organization, a collection of buildings and people and schools. We mock each other, and feelings may be hurt (as I sometimes can tell by the comments on different posts) but it’s nothing personal. It’s just your school sucks, is all. But these home-brewed college football video reports… there’s something deeply intimate about them.

A man in his home, tiny camera built into the lid of his laptop, wearing his school gear, screwing up his courage to do his version of a very poor color commentator imitation coupled with the weird exhibitionism of the “Vlog.”

I have two exhibits, both Pittsburgh-related (topical) that exhibit this genre in full-force. As God is clearly testing me, I will not write anything about these gentlemen, I will merely present them in all their glory. First of all, here’s a Miami commentator’s pre-season take on the Pitt Pathers…

And here’s a Pittsburgh fan, a little piece from last year’s vault after a game versus West Virginia…

Boom goes the dynamite. I must stay true. I will not mock these gentlemen or the video genre they exemplify. That would be wrong. Rather, I will put my money where my mouth is, and produce my own video blog entry on this week’s game versus the Panthers of Pittsburgh. I will show you that Vlogging ain’t easy. Apologies in advance:

So there you go. You may now watch the game as an informed bystander. Uh huh. If there’s time tomorrow morning, a video tribute to Dave Wannstadt’s mustache will appear in this internet space.

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Father Birdonnell

Latest posts by Father Birdonnell (see all)

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