Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick was extensively fake-quoted in this week's Onion Sports section as a representative of the BCS in an article entitled "Cheering Fans, Thrilling NCAA Tournament Disgust BCS Officials." Regardless of where you stand on the bowl system it's a funny read that paints various collegiate administrators as vampiric figures, dependent on the pain and frustration of college sports fans for sustenance. A lovely representative pseudo-quote from Swarbrick: And the ...
More than one tight end?
For those who held their breath last season whenever Kyle Rudolph was tackled by the face, there's good news: Notre Dame has more than one tight end! Welcome back, Ragone! As noted in the South Bend Trib article, he was the #1 ranked Tight End in his recruiting class (a granfalloon term if I've ever heard one). Assuming he can stay healthy and regain the confidence that his knees won't splinter at the slightest provocation, this is another good sign for next season's offense. ...
What to do with all this rage
I’ve had this problem a lot this year. What do I do with all this rage? How can I make my life feel better after giving up yet another large lead in the fourth quarter to an inferior opponent? And this time losing? Mother fucking god dammit. I say mother fucking god dammit with the matter-of-factness of a 30-year veteran bailiff, which I am not, because I want to pound my fingers through someone’s skull, but I don’t know whose. I want to break something, but I don’t know ...
A missive from the enclave: pimp cane edition
Salve Magisterium, After 40 days and 40 nights of fasting, prayer, and utter silence, I entered the Cathedral of Notre Dame Stadium only to find a flood of Biblical proportions. And it was Good. Anyone who attended the game on Saturday and was rooting for God's Chosen College Football Team can attest to the fun that was had from the very first kickoff, to the very second kickoff that followed rapidly on its heels, to the very third kickoff which licked the second kickoff's bunions in ...
Another Missive from the Enclave: Flagellum Equus Mortuus
Salve, Magisterium. I was visiting with Brother Bernard, the Enclave’s archivist, the other night and beneath the full, silvery moon, with the sound of his rare, red piglets squealing in the background, Brother Bernard passed on to me a rare and unsettling manuscript. For centuries the Enclave has gathered every piece of writing in existence. Not just work that has been published, mind you, but copies of every scrap and doodle on earth are gathered, catalogued, and archived by Brother ...
A Missive from the Enclave
Salve, Magisterium. As the newest in the ranks of the HLS bloggers, please permit me to introduce myself. I am Priest to a Parish of One. Master of the Carp. I am the founder of a major, nationwide pizza chain (Hint: it rhymes with Kiss my Nut (sort of)) and it is my intention to liquidate my shares in this deliciously godless franchise-steeped business enterprise to bring the mainstream Church back to its true purpose. Its original goal. Its bright and shiny golden Catholic ...