Interestingly enough, “Rudy” had its world premier in South Bend exactly 25 years ago this month. That season, the Fighting Irish went into the last game of the year, at home, undefeated and #1, only to be beaten by a substantially lower-ranked opponent. Let this be a dire and horrifying warning!

For October is the month of horror, ending as it does with Halloween, the night when ghosts and demons cavort openly among the living. American film-goers love to be horrified, because they know that what they are watching is not real. Irish football fans hate to be horrified, because what they see before them is oh-so very real.

Thus, let us bring together movies, the Fighting Irish, and the Naval Academy Midshipmen (who can be all too horrifying) and re-imagine some horror films with better endings:

“The Poseidon Adventure”

In theaters: A rogue wave capsizes a cruise ship, killing all but our heroes, led by a Minister.

In San Diego: A wave of Irish offense swamps the Middies, led by our hero, a Book.

“The Last Voyage”

In theaters: A heroic father leads his wife and daughter to safety after a boiler explosion sends a cruise ship to the bottom.

In San Diego: A heroic Kelly leads his Irish and their fans to victory after an explosive Notre Dame sends Navy to defeat.

“The Perfect Storm”

In theaters: Three deadly weather systems converge on a fishing boat which is engulfed by the sea.

In San Diego: Eleven deadly defensemen converge on the hapless Middies who are engulfed in loss – unfortunately for Navy, it will be Tranquill weather.

“Below”

In theaters: Terrible things happen on a Navy submarine.

In San Diego: Terrible things happen to Navy next to their submarines.

“Jaws”

In theaters: A great white shark eats people.

In San Diego: A great Irish defense eats Middies.

“The Abyss”

In theaters: Divers encounter underwater aliens.

In San Diego: What the Middies will be staring into.

“Dead Calm”

In theaters: A murderer pirates a sailboat.

In San Diego: The Navy cheering section.

“Deep Rising”

In San Diego: Irish Rising

“Moby Dick”

In San Diego: A cut-blocker

“All Is Lost”

In San Diego: The Story of the Navy Midshipmen

“A Night to Remember”

In San Diego: The Story of the Fighting Irish

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Who put the Ball in Ball State? The very generous Ball brothers, who became very wealthy by building a better, smarter fruit jar. It’s not a sexy way to make money; but all things considered, glass pickling jars are a lot more popular today than what our first benefactor sold – fur.

Since we’re playing host to Ball State, I thought I’d be hospitable and put the Ball in football:

Have a Ball – What we did with Michigan last Saturday night. And I don’t mean only on the field. Our fans had a ball in the stands. FINALLY! The Stadium was…I’m struggling for a term…loud. Yes, it was loud. That’s probably as shocking to you as it is to me. And I don’t know if there is a single factor that made the difference – everyone in the same shirt color, a compelling video clip on the big screen, hatred. It could be any of those. But let’s make sure it wasn’t a one-time-thing. Let’s have a ball in the Stadium for the rest of the season, because it really helps the lads have a hell heck of a ballgame on the field.

Keep an Eye on the Ball – What we need to do tomorrow. Ball State was very good at football once. I don’t mean once as in ‘during a particular period of time’; I mean once as in only one season, ten years ago. But that’s absolutely no excuse to let our guard down tomorrow. Nothing could be more devastating than winning a big game and then losing to a small opponent. Trust me, I’ve seen it waaay toooo many times. Coaches, players, and fans need to keep their eye on the ball and secure a decisive victory.

Ball of Fire – Sure, our offense should play like one. But I’m not a big fan of fire. If you want to know why, look at the year over the middle windows on the fourth floor of the Main Building, and then look up the founding year of the University. Tell me what happened between the two dates.

Too Many Balls in the Air – I have no problem with this, as long as they’re caught. If not then Take the Ball and Run.

Behind the Eight Ball – Where we’d like to see Ball State. Heck, let them score eight points to avoid the shame of a shutout. Such things are reserved for old friends, and we’re meeting these folks for the first time.

Drop the Ball – Not gonna do it.

That’s the Way the Ball Bounces – Fine, as long as it’s into our hands.

Get the Ball Rolling – Tailgating.

Ball of Wax – Grotto.

Ball and Chain – NCAA.

Bawl – What Michigan did last week.

Baal – An ancient demon worshiped by Philistines; a Jesuit.

Ball Don’t Lie – No idea…something to do with Karma. Like calling an opponent chicken and then losing to them.

Ball Out – To do something successfully and with great ease. Notre Dame DEF Ball State

Crystal Ball – Don’t have one, But 42-7 is a safe bet.EFS CSC

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: BALLS! appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

I had a whole series of suggestions for appropriate (and more realistic) welcoming signs. But, as usual, my wisdom was neither sought nor appreciated by the current administration. When they retire you, they take away your keys and your clout. So I thought I’d share my preferred welcome signs with all of you here.

Imagine these written in blue script on a gold signboard. In fact, imagine these written in that awful, awful wedding-invitation-script that they’re using on the Shamrock Series uniforms:

The Struggle May Not Be Real,

But Parietals Are.

Your Mother Can’t Stay With You,

But OUR MOTHER Will Never Leave You.

The Notre Dame Trail Ends Here.

The Notre Dame Trial Begins Here.

This May Be Your First Year,

But You’ll Always Be Freshmen

To Me.

We Don’t Control The Weather,

But We Do Control

EVERYTHING ELSE.

Welcome, Probationary Alumni!

Now Leaving South Bend, Indiana,

And Entering Notre Dame, Indiana.

Do Not Make That Mistake Again.

Stay Off The Grass,

Don’t Feed The Leprechaun,

Fear The Squirrels.

Dorms On The Edge Of Campus

Have Amenities.

Dorms Closer To The Main Building

Have “Character.”

Welcome To MY World.

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The Fighting Irish 4-8: We began the 2016 season ranked tenth and widely expected to vie for a place in the Freemason’s playoff scheme. And then we lost…to nearly everybody including the Navy (again). How terribly unexpected! We can beat Duke in their beloved Cameron Multipurpose Indoor Room, but we can’t defend Notre Dame Stadium from a team with a .490 all-time record. We cast our Dutch scapegoat into the desert, but we were not ritually purified. Our conference officials didn’t help matters, though their literacy classes in the offseason might enable them to read the rule book next year, with special concentration in the sections on “The Varieties of Pass Interference,” and “Targeting: That Elusive Pixie.”

When one gazes upon the Campus CrossToBear Crossroads construction reaching its climatic conclusion, and then considers the shambolic collapse of the football team, one can only be put in the mind of the Tower of Babel. And, oh, did the Alumni babble about this season, this coach, this athletic director. Yet, nothing says ‘reasoned dialogue’ like an angry letter to the newspaper. And nothing says ‘unhinged screed’ like having to pay to get your letter printed. Note to disgruntled Alumni: If you have a serious concern you would like to bring to the attention of Father President and the men behind the Board of Trustees curtain, take a sheet of bond paper (preferable watermarked) and, using a fountain pen, in your best calligraphy, list everything you appreciate about your Alma Mater, followed by a very brief description of what currently burns your ass frustrates you, and enclose a big fat check. Better still, make the check really, really big, and take your place behind the curtain. But full-page ads designed with all the flair of a fifth-grade science fair poster only make you look petty and small-minded; in short, you look like Michigan fans.

First Championship in 108 Years: No, it hasn’t been that long for the Fighting Irish (though it might feel that way); but it was that long for a hapless baseball team from Chicago. How chronologically unexpected! It’s always nice to see a perennial loser finally grab the brass ring. I just wish we weren’t edging dangerously close to becoming that perennial loser. Perhaps we can take a page from the Cubs’ playbook. They believed in their old, and storied team no matter how bleak recent seasons had been (check); They sank lots of money into stadium enhancements (check); they devoted even more money and effort into getting the best leadership and coaching talent available (how ‘bout them Cubs!). Yes, in the Cubs I believe we can see that there is always hope for the future, no matter how interminably long that hope as to wait. We may not know the day nor the hour when victory will strike…but there are a few constructive things we can do to hasten its arrival. Above all, the Fighting Irish do share one critical characteristic with the Chicago Cubs: Both teams are owned by Catholic families.

NCAA Sanctions: You have to love a supervising authority that rewards honesty with harsher penalties than obfuscation, deception, and lies. Yet, we must ask what our administration thought would happen when they “self-reported” a purely internal and substantially inconsequential matter. This was not unexpected. And now our administration is behaving like the zookeeper who lives with lions and, despite dealing with their claws and feces for years, is still bitterly disappointed when one bites him in the neck. In the new year, we need to recall that the NCAA was created by colleges and universities to assist them, not to rule them; and in assessing punishments for bad behavior, proportionality, justice, and equality must be the guiding principles. Well, if any collegiate administration does that, it will be truly unexpected. For my part, I am going on a New Year’s diet – I’m not swallowing any more of the garbage the NCAA is shoveling.

New President: Right on schedule there was a presidential election. Nothing unusual here. But a very loud man won that election in a manner that was quite unexpected to many. I myself am rather a-political; but watching the debates between the two candidates, I couldn’t help yelling, “We want Barabbas!” Whether he was our choice or not, we should wish the new President well. To do otherwise is no better than hoping the captain of your ocean liner finds the nearest iceberg because he didn’t invite you to sit at his table. Our own Father President will have to decide if he should invite the new President of the United States to deliver the Commencement Address in the coming year. Whether he does or he doesn’t, Father President can expect several more angry letters in the newspapers and full page ads. If you are thinking of preparing either of these, see my advice above. And stop making fun of the new President’s hair; I enjoy my untamed locks that reach past my shoulders and are mirrored by my waist-length beard. Believe me – nothing is so presidential as a sick flow.

Basketball School: This may be the most unexpected aspect of the fading year – we’re pretty damn darn good at basketball. Amidst the ashes of the football conflagration, let us hold onto the warm bricks of hope that constitute another successful basketball season. Maybe bricks aren’t the best metaphors when talking about basketball, but you get my point…or my three-pointer. In any event, no matter what infelicities 2016 brought, we must all have hope for 2017. And remember, 1879 was a pretty unexpected year for all of us at Notre Dame – but what we rebuilt that very year still proudly stands today.

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Reverse the third and fourth letters, and this football season could aptly be dubbed “The Notre Dame Trial.” Let’s compare and contrast, shall we:

11 days, 270 miles: The weather was so bad we only made five miles the first day. The team only won a single game in the first four outings. Don’t tell me a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – it takes a whole hel heck of a lot more than that: preparation, planning, conviction, desire, zeal. We’ve had some of those to varying degrees; but now with a second victory under our cumulative belts, we need to have all of them, all at once, for every game from here on out.

Cold, Wind, Snow, and Ice: And tomorrow at noon, a hurricane. The elements were hard during the journey; the extremities and the skin suffered – and I didn’t have any of those fruity creams that people use to “moisturize” these days. Every game will bring its own unique hardships. But if we are to make it through this Notre Dame Trial, every hardship must be met with courage and overcome with tenacity. If you’re going to the game tomorrow, wrap yourself in a garbage bag and wear hip-waders.

Beat-Up Old Equipment: We have to recover from injuries faster and we have to stay healthy. If we’re going to make it, physical damage must be avoided at all costs, and all non-life-threatening injuries must be remedied as quickly as possible. Any off the field injuries will be treated as treason.

$310.00: Not a princely sum, but in 1842, nothing to sneeze at. Still, the money had to be used wisely. We have plenty of talent on the team; the issue is using that talent effectively. At certain points in recent games I have looked at our bursars (read: coaches) and realized that if they were managing my $310, we would have been stuck in a frozen swamp in the middle of Indiana, with mule that could perform magic tricks and opossum jerky. You have seven more games – coach to win, not to dazzle.

Rivers and Streams: May not seem like a big deal to most, but none of us could swim. I’ll just make a broad reference to the defense and leave it at that. Watching three Frenchmen and four Paddy Irishmen freak out while wading through rushing, 34-degree, waist-deep water is somewhat similar to watching our defense sometimes. But we made it, and so can they.

I don’t know who is planning to walk the Notre Dame Trail. My advice is, “Don’t do it.” I do know the team that is now going through the Notre Dame Trial. Believe me, “You can do it.”

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Padre’s book, Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame, is available from the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore or Amazon. But you don’t have to walk several hundred miles to got it.

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: On Trial appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

But, true to form, Spartans wasn’t their first name. As an agricultural college, they first competed as the Aggies. This was changed to the erudite and witty “Michigan Staters,” begging the question “What does a Stater do” – state the matter clearly, or change states of matter? The problem was solved after another week-long symposium of the greatest minds in applied science, who lighted upon “The Michigan State Sport Ons.” Aside from ending a team name in a preposition, this causes one to ask “Is there a sport-off;” either way, Sport Ons or Sport Offs just sound dirty. The solution was presented by local restaurateurs who hailed from Sparta in Greece. Thus were born the Michigan State Caterers – soon changed again to the Michigan State Spartans.

Ever since then, the Spartans have reveled in their tenuous Greek heritage. Recently, they have included a phrase on their uniforms and helmets: μολὼν λαβέ. This is where it gets complicated. The words are obviously ancient Greek, although the Michigan State players usually think it’s some kind of factory printing error. Pronounced like “molṑn labé” (causing Michigan State players to think they have an unsightly mole somewhere on their bodies) the phrase translates literally to “having arrived, take.” Legendarily, it was addressed by Leonidas, king of the Spartans, to Xerxes, Shahanshah of Persia. Xerxes had arrived in Greece for a little pillage and rapine. The Spartans stood in his way. Thus, “Molon Labe” is the ancient equivalent of “Come and Get It!”

And, oh my, the Persians did. Long story short: The Athenians defeated the Persians at Marathon (you’ve heard of that); the Persians went home, vowed revenge, and came back; the Spartans met them in September of 480bc at Thermopylae, a narrow pass in the mountains; Leonidas said “come and get it,” and over the course of three days, the Persians slaughtered the Spartans to a man.

Don’t put that phrase on my uniform! Sure, even though it was a strategic defeat, it was inspirational. But there are no parallels to the Michigan State Spartans – at least none that they should celebrate. First, they are invading Notre Dame, Indiana, not defending East Lansing, Michigan (because, really, who would want to). They are the aggressors; the inspirational advantage is with the Irish. Second, the Persian forces numbered some 100,000, while there were only 300 Spartans in the battle…along with 400 Thebans and 700 Thespians, who never get any credit except for dazzling stage performances. Either way, the Spartans were greatly outnumbered, just like the Irish, of whom there are 12,000; opposing are the forces of Michigan State, a top ten university – by size – with 50,000. Third, you can’t win for losing in football. Nor will it be inspirational for their fans if Michigan State holds the Irish scoreless for three quarters, while also scoring nothing, and then lets Notre Dame win 56-0 in the fourth (however, I do invite them to employ this very strategy). Finally, in ancient Greece everyone hated the Spartans. They enslaved local non-Spartans, and they fought destructive wars with Athens, Corinth, Argos, and Thebes, that ultimately resulted in their own decline. Wait…this sounds just like the Big 10; and come to think of it, you know you’re universally loathed when even the University of Michigan hates you. So maybe there is at least one parallel.

I understand what the Michigan State Spartans are going for with Molon Labe – Come and Get It. It’s similar to General Anthony McAuliffe in command of the American 101^st Airborne Division in the Second World War. As the Germans surrounded him during the Battle of the Bulge, the enemy commander offered McAuliffe the opportunity to surrender or be annihilated along with all of his troops. McAuliffe’s response read: “To the German Commander. NUTS! The American Commander.” That’s the kind of laconic bravery that is remembered through the ages. But it also helps that, unlike the Spartans, the Americans won.

And Anthony Clement McAuliffe was Irish Catholic.

So if Michigan State wants to say “μολὼν λαβέ,” I say “NUTS!” With a 48-28-1 record in our favor, if the Spartans think they’re going to beat the Irish, then they really are nuts. And later this season, when we include a phrase on our uniforms and helmets, it won’t be the last words of a defeated king; it will be the words that have inspired, and will continue to inspire for generations, in war and in peace: God, Country, Notre Dame.

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Padre’s book Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame is available on campus at the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore, and from the ancient Greek warrior-ladies at Amazon. It’s a must-read for every Fighting Irish fan; and it’s a try-to-read for Michigan State fans.

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Lost in Translation appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

Personal Supplies

– Shower Caddy: This better not mean a fellow who carries your soap into the scrub room with you. Come to think of it, how much are you taking to bathe, such that you need a carrying basket. Soap and shampoo can be handled manually; and if you are thinking of bringing a thing called a luffa or a pouf, don’t – they look filthy and probably should be incorporated into parietals somehow.
– Shower Shoes: Unless your hall is carpeted with rusty nails and razor blades, just walk into and out of the bathroom. If you’re worried about contracting some sort of foot fungus, perform a community service and carry a bottle of bleach with you for a quick washdown of the shower floor. In that case, you may have a toiletry basket; but don’t confuse the shampoo and the bleach.

When this was a strong and proud institution of life-lesson-learning, none of these items was necessary. We just marched the lads down to the lake, shoved them in, and threw bars of lard soap at them. We hung towels in the trees and went back to work. Later, if there was an extra towel left…we said prayers…and maybe got out the shovels.

– Quarters (for laundry): I’ve seen those machines that eat coins in exchange for returning a pile of wet clothes – by which I mean the dryers. If you intend to bring quarters for your laundry, pack an extra steamer trunk full of them so you can cover your first two weeks. Said machines are not what we would call…hmmm…economical or efficient. I’m no accountant, but I would suggest bringing paper money and converting it to coinage once arrived on campus – call me old fashioned. But do bring at least one roll of quarters, should you be choosing to visit some of South Bend’s finer public houses and boozing kens. Not for purchases, for packing a proper punch.

– Personal Hygiene Items: Absolutely. August and September are sultry, jungle-ish months. The University magazine may have a column called “Seen and Heard,” but no one here wants material for one called “Smelt.”

– School Supplies: Really? We’re going to specify a shower caddy and shower shoes, but then just throw in there a vague ‘school supplies’? Are we a university or a beauty parlor?

– Laptop/Cellphone and Chargers: No idea. I sincerely hope, barring birth accident or catastrophic injury, everyone has a lap with a top (and sides and a bottom for that matter). Telephones of any sort are an occasion of sin for college students; the kind that have cells could eventually develop tissues and organs, and then we’re back into including them in parietals.

Organizing Your Room

– Pillows/Pillow Cases – Bed Sheets: We used to provide these. The pillows were good for sleeping upon, and holding the door open in a stiff breeze. The sheets not only covered the bed, but served as highly effective exfoliating and depilatory aids – hence no need for a shower caddy when going to the washroom.

– Comforter/Blankets: If we actually have to tell an incoming freshman to bring a blanket, refund his deposit because we’ve made a terrible mistake. Furthermore, the Comforter is the Holy Spirit – you don’t bring him to Notre Dame, He brings you to Notre Dame.

– Basic Cleaning Supplies: This would only apply to my loyal daughters. Lads, don’t bother bringing them, because I know you’ll never use them (though you could barter them to your sister dorm for beer money).

– Masking Tape for Posters: Again, is this an essential detail? If I’m a new student reading this, I’m more interested in whether I have living quarters or a broom closet. Besides which, we sell a whole variety of lamps on campus – I’m pretty sure tape and all sorts of adhesives can be found locally.

– Fan: Notre Dame attracts 80,000 fans six times a Fall like moths to a flame. We’ve got this covered.

Check with Roommates

Here are listed: mini-fridge, television, stereo, video game systems, carpet (how the hell heck does that fit with the previous items), furniture/futons, and stackable crates. You know, that stuff. We’ll specify masking tape over sellotape, and insist on shower caddies and night lights, but when it comes to food storage, seating, and floor-coverings apparently anything goes. And who needs that other kind of tape – measuring tape.

Do Not Bring

– Microwaves, Hot Plates, Toasters, Coffee Pots: Anything that makes fire. Wish I had thought of creating this rule in 1878.

– Air Conditioners: You must learn that, thanks to the Original Sin of our parents Adam and Eve, there is injustice in the world. Some of you will be given air conditioning; some will live in halls “with character.” Cancer happens, too – this is your first lesson in an unfair world.

– Nails: Only the maintenance department may have these…and centurions (but they only get three).

– Candles, Incense: You don’t have to bring them because we’ve got plenty at Sacred Heart and the Grotto. You just have to visit – repeatedly.

– Hoverboards: We don’t allow these nifty gadgets that magically coast along the roadways and spontaneously burst into flame. So give them as a going-away gift to your friends, especially if they are soon to enroll at Texas, Michigan State, Miami, USC, BC, FSU, Michigan…

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One essential item for all students coming to campus is Padre’s book –  Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame. But you don’t have to bring it – the book is available in the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore and from the industrious women-warriors at Amazon (that’s who works there, right?)

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Bring It! (or not) appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

A priest wearing the white habit of his order – an order that’s been around for roughly 800 years, represented in art, and much more recently, shown on film and even on television – is presumed to be a Grand Dragon. What is being taught at Big Ten schools? If a whip is a more common item to presume a person is holding than a Rosary, what is occupying the thoughts of America’s college students? The mind reels…well, at least mine does:

A student at Iowa saw a nun and thought it was an Emperor Penguin.

A student at Purdue saw a monk and thought it was a knife-murderer in an Edvard Munch mask.

A student at Minnesota saw a Franciscan and thought it was a Jedi Knight.

A student at Wisconsin saw a diocesan priest and thought it was someone from the Matrix.

A student at Ohio State saw a bishop and thought it was a post-hole digger walking under its own power.

A student at Illinois saw a Mormon missionary and thought a grocery store bagger was lost.

A student at Miami saw road workers in orange vests picking up trash on the side of the road and thought it was the football team chain-gang.

A student at Virginia Tech saw a urinal and thought it was for washing potatoes.

A student at Florida State saw people making moonshine in the woods and thought it was an alumni reception.

A student at USC saw smoke and flame shooting out of a manhole and thought it was the entrance to his dorm.

A student at Michigan saw a crazed lunatic talking to himself as he ran across campus and…no, that really was the head football coach.

A student at Alabama saw the Porta Potty truck drive by and though his house was being moved.

A student at Oklahoma saw a police car and knew his ride had arrived.

A student at Boston College saw a Jesuit and thought it was a witch…turns out, he was right.

A student at Notre Dame saw a squirrel in a garbage can and thought the rector wasn’t feeding his French Bulldog enough.

A student at Michigan State saw a short, bearded figure dressed in green and thought it was the Leprech mother.

A student at Texas saw a group of men in gold helmets and knew defeat had come for the Longhorns.

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Padre’s book Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame is available from the Hammed Notre dame Bookstore and on Amazon. As you can tell, it’s the perfect gift for fans of other teams.

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Hell-ucinations appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

Now, if these young alumni will graduate in 2029, that means they will enroll as freshmen in 2025. While I haven’t any doubt whatsoever that each of these fine, leprechaun-sized scholars will make it to Our Lady’s University, Notre Dame will necessarily be a different school nine years from now. In 1879 we had a pile of charred timbers and blackened bricks; in 1888 we had a Golden Dome. One walk across campus today, and you realize that, as Heraclitus said, you can’t step into the same quad twice.

Thus, let us consider what our beloved Notre Dame will look like when Ms. Allison Silva’s third-graders begin their four-year adventure under the dome in 2025.

*** The bronze statue of Brian Kelly is unveiled outside the southwest tower of StadiumCity. The fifteen storey structure, now renamed the Kelly Tower, appropriately houses the Department of Irish Language and Literature, as well as Westish Dining Hall, the 150-bed McCorquodale Residence Allotment for Men, and part of Grounds-and-Maintenance. Kelly Tower matches the southeast tower of StadiumCity, itself recently renamed Burj Hesburgh. Retired head coach Brian Kelly himself was on-hand for the unveiling ceremony, during which he reminisced about the 2017 Championship Season which, at 17 games, was the longest Notre Dame football season on record.

*** Head Footbal Coach Louis Leo “Skip” Holtz, Jr., praised his predecessor in his own remarks during the event, but reminded Kelly that he – Skip – already has a bronze statue of himself outside StadiumCity, as one of the players standing behind his father Lou. Considering that The Arbiters of Excellence (formerly known as college football playoff selection committee) now require independent football teams to go undefeated for two complete seasons before being granted a playoff berth, there are alumni rumblings that Skip Holtz may have to wait a while to see a statue of his own. Fortunately, proud father Lou Holtz is able to watch all of Skip’s home games from the St. Andre Tower of StadiumCity, which houses the Alumni and Honorary Alumni Retirement Village and Assisted Living Resort and Spa.

*** The statue unveiling and tower christening were presided over by Father George Rozum, C.S.C., now in his fifth year as President of the University of Notre Dame. Commenting on the amazing energy of the spry 86-year-old university leader, Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Condoleezza Rice said, “Making Fr. George President was the only way we could get him out of Alumni Hall.” Rozum’s tenure as President of Notre Dame has seen continued growth of the University. The StadiumCity project was completed, making the home of the Fighting Irish the “Biggest, Tallest, Most Complicated” athletic, academic, residential, food-selling, pastoral care, self-sufficient “UniversiPlex” in the country.

*** Fr. Rozum has also tried to bring an end to the vicious cycle of ‘Musical Dorms,’ that began under his predecessor Archbishop John Jenkins, C.S.C.. This seemingly never-ending shuffling of student populations around the campus began with the opening of two new residence halls on Dragon Quad (so named because its remote location prompted campus map illustrators to write “Here be Dragons” to mark the site). The men’s dorm, Hesburgh Hall – affectionately called Teddy by residents who don’t want people to think they live in the library – sits next to New Pangborn Hall, which was filled with residents of the dorm previously named Pangborn in the original cultural experiment. The old Pangborn was renamed Pothole Hall, since anything would fill it. First Walsh and then Badin women were moved into the Pothole during major renovations; but the whole system broke down when the Morrissey men were scheduled to spend a year in the ‘Hole. When work began on the “Manor,” a construction worker removed a transom over a door and the whole structure nearly collapsed in a steaming heap. It has taken an international team of architects and engineers, a Novena-marathon in Sacred Heart, and roughly $14.5 million to save Morrissey, but Fr. Rozum hopes to reopen the hall next year. In the meantime, the Manor-Tent-Camp continues to occupy the remains of the Burke Golf Course, while the men of Zahm have moved into Pothole Hall (now without windows, because of the stench). When Fr. Rozum exempted Alumni Hall residents from having to move anywhere, Dillon seceded from the University and posted armed guards, prompting the administration to treat Dillon like Carroll and ignore it completely.

*** All of this barely controlled chaos is to be settled by the start of next year, in preparation for the visit of Pope Leo XIV, Class of 1981. The former Charles Cardinal Brown, previously the Nuncio to Ireland and Prefect of the Vatican’s Congregation for Catholic Education, is a loyal son of Notre Dame, and also the first American Pope (though that is only of mild interest to the alumni). He will visit his Alma Mater in 2026, and will say Mass in StadiumCity, further consecrating the already hallowed ground. Much of this landmark event has been organized my University President-Emeritus Archbishop John Jenkins, now in charge of the Pontifical Council for Economic Expansion, also known as “Vati-Development.” Pope Leo will dedicate the new glass dome on the basketball arena with the help of Muffet McGraw and Mike Brey, two of the longest serving coaches in Notre Dame history. McGraw has vowed to coach until she wins her fourth National Championship; and though Brey has found his way to two Final-Fours and two Championships, he has stated repeatedly that he will not retire until he finds a fetching necktie.

*** As much as things have changed, much has stayed the same. The University remains a premier institution of higher education and a powerful force for good; the Dome still reflects both the sunlight and the hopes and dreams of millions; voices raised in prayer have never ceased to echo from the Grotto;  snow remains possible from October to April; parietals are still in force; and Notre Dame is always Our Mother.

That is just a guess at what Our Lady’s University will look like in 2025, when the young men and women of Ms. Silva’s class enroll. But don’t ask me what Notre Dame will look like by the time they graduate in 2029 – that’s four whole years later.

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Post-Script: The football game played on the weekend of the Kelly statue dedication saw the Irish defeat the Michigan Wolverines by the unusual score of 37-0, when Coach Holtz successfully went for three after the fifth touchdown.

Padre’s book Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame is available from the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore and Amazon. A gift for loyal students, alumni, and friends of the University – a punishment for fans of all other teams.

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: 2025 A.D. appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

I lodged a complaint with you last year when you began this sinister manipulation of the national treasure that is the venerable college football tradition. You fared somewhat well with your collusory scheme in your first attempt, though I suspect this had more to do with the sort of benighted luck visited upon a broken analogue clock that succeeds in telling accurate time in two minutes out of the 24-hour day. With this year’s shambolic farce, though, you have befouled the proverbial cot, thus necessitating my sternly-worded letter.

While I understand that you must kowtow to the economic engines that are the conferences and the Masonic bankers who control them, and I concede that the non-sequential, unmarked bills which the Big Ten (or whatever glyph they are known as lately) deposited in a shoebox and had delivered to your secret lair, paid substantial dividends when your controversial #4 selection won your tainted championship despite its one loss, this year’s obsequious and medically-inadvisable removal of your cumulative backbones in the face of Big XII whinging and Big Ten entitlement, has yielded a championship game that leaves as much doubt as your faceless overlords sought to eliminate when they initiated you into their dark arts. I shall elaborate.

The “old and decrepit” bowl system that functioned quite serviceably until the Bilderberg Group killed it to prove their subtle control of world events, was criticized – sometimes fairly – for rewarding conference champions that were, in fact, not up to the standards of a potential championship-determining game. In addition, the freedom of a bowl committee to select a team of its choice, rewarded big names over scrappy winners. It was argued that the totality of a team’s performance throughout the season should dictate its invitation to a bowl game. In light of this reasoning, you met some ten times, assiduously considering a myriad of factors, in order to deliver a playoff of…four big-name conference champions. I hope you didn’t run out of cocktail nuts during the fraught final meeting at your Texas resort and spa, while you fiercely debated that shocking outcome.

Oklahoma met Clemson – in the manner of a wayward steer meeting the Amtrack Transcontinental Steam Excursion. Michigan State was schedule to meet Alabama, but evidently failed to attend the game altogether (the Spartans must not have been able to break free of the wet paper bag that is East Lansing in early winter). Thus, two teams will face each other on Monday, without having been adequately weighed in the balance against worthy competition. But this is not the extent of your negligence.

Stanford was relegated to a non-playoff bowl game, in which the Iowa Hawkeyes were summarily diced and boiled like a fine shallot flavoring a béchamel. In this, the Pacific Rim champion dismembered the Big Ten team which was undefeated but for barely losing to a Michigan State team that brought its wiffle-ball squad to a football game and failed to score a single point.

Ohio State, the defending national champion, had a single loss to the East Lansing Flounders. It was a mere three-point deficit in an otherwise impressive season for a team that is sending many players to the National Football League, where they will receive paychecks from team owners, no longer Urban Meyer.

And then there is my beloved Notre Dame. Yes, we lost to Clemson, though we came the closest to defeating the undefeateds of any other team. There was also the matter of the massive tropical depression that lashed us throughout the game with rain and winds which would have sunk Noah’s beast cruise. This is often called a hurricane, though the South Carolina kind only mars football games; it does not commit criminal acts like the Miami kind. Notre dame also lost to Stanford, again by two points. This is the same Stanford team that utterly humiliated Iowa, and unleashed Musburger’s incubus a fleet-of-foot ubermensch, whom the Irish had previously made look like a CYO player.

But come the Fiesta Bowl, this was not the same Notre Dame team. Collectively, they were known as Team 127 – because 127 players suffered catastrophic injuries throughout the season, necessitating 127 other players to start for them. Despite losing their best defensive athlete in the early stages of the game, the Irish still gave the Buckeyes a run fun for their money (ironic, since Ohio State won thanks to the scoring drives of its most prolific runner, who is legally barred from driving in the State of Ohio).

We ask whether Stanford and Ohio State should have been in the playoff. We imagine what even an injured Notre Dame could have done to the Iowa jello-molds or the Michigan State potted-geraniums. We wonder what could have been. We are left by the side of the road in the exact place which you, oh Playoff Committee, said we would never be forced to visit again.

We can hope that the Celmson-Alabama match which you have contrived will be worthy of watching. It would be enjoyable for Clemson to win a Championship again after being away for so many years. It is always good to give Crimson Tide fans something to do other than shaming and killing the local varmint population. But, committee, on the whole, you could have and should have done better. After all, that’s what the Illuminati are paying you for.

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Note: Padre’s book, Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame, is available from the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore and Amazon. It is a collection of Padre’s thoughts and reflections, and is suitable for celebrating or burning, depending on which school you attended or which team you support.

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Burned after Reading appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.