I am hailed as the Founder of Notre Dame; also the first Postmaster (go figure). These are great honorifics of which I am proud. But the title closest to my heart has always been Father. I consider all of you to be my loyal sons – and thanks to Ted’s innovations, loyal daughters. Indeed, you are all my children. I’m told there was a beautiful opera by that title, though I don’t recall it in Verdi’s or Wagner’s repertoire.
However, though I am called Father, I have never had children of my own, as I have no wife. My bride is Holy Mother Church and I work for a Virgin. Just as Father is a symbolic title, so too when I call you my children, that is symbolic…or perhaps it is metaphorical…maybe even analogous…
Ways in which Notre Dame Alumni are like Children
Children cry over spilled milk; alumni cry over plastic grass
Children have one favorite cartoon they love to watch over and over; alumni have Rudy
Children all want their own pet doggie; alumni all want their own pet Leprechaun
Children will eat anything sweet; alumni will eat anything from South Dining Hall or the Morris Inn
Children have trouble walking when very young; alumni have trouble walking after tailgating
Children want anything bright, shiny, or bouncy; alumni want anything from the Bookstore
Children call the most important person in the world Dad; alumni call him Father Hesburgh
Children, when babies, can fill a diaper; alumni, during an Irish overtime, can fill a pair of plaid pants
Children love Mommy; alumni love the Blessed Virgin Mother
Children like brightly-colored drinks; alumni like amber-colored drinks
Children think they came from the stork; alumni think they came from Ireland
Children like to give meaningless orders to younger siblings; alumni like to do the same to Brian Kelly
Children sulk after they are spanked; alumni sulk after the Irish get spanked
Children who think about exciting events lie awake until dawn; alumni who think about beating USC and Michigan lie awake until dawn
Children think they know everything; alumni know they know everything
Children love stories about cute, imaginary, little elves; alumni love Lou Holtz
Children spit-up a lot when they were babies; alumni spit-up a lot when they were in Senior Week
Children love to spend hours playing with toys; alumni love to spend hours watching men playing with a ball
Children think they are the most loved and important people in adults’ lives; so do alumni
Children dream of attending Notre Dame; alumni dream of when they did
- Good Fridays w/Padre: WORTHY! - November 30, 2018
- Good Fridays w/Padre: The Horror - October 26, 2018
- Good Fridays w/Padre: BALLS! - September 7, 2018
(Standing ovation) Bravo!!!
Well, since I’m not an alumnus I cant really speak to the validity of this. However:
Children, if given the chance to dress themselves, attire themselves in the most hideous garb , Subway Alumns mix and match “The Shirt” with any number of ND hats, pants, green socks, etc.
Children have an irrational sense of wonderment and are ignorant of the world, Subway alumns have an irrational sense of attachment to a university they never attended and are ignorant of what it is really like to be a student.
Children drink suicides from the soda fountain, Subway Alumns drink the most vile hooch known to man(and post recipes on blog sites for other Subway goofs to try).