TEMPE, Ariz.–As the final seconds of the Florida Gator’s 41-14 rout of the Ohio State Buckeyes ticked away, parapsychologist and psychologist Dr. Peter Venkman stood on the sidelines, patiently waiting for his chance to investigate the endzone where, earlier in the game, two phantom touchdowns had been sighted.
Back off, man. I’m a scientist.
Venkman had been called in to investigate by Ohio State coach Jim Tressel, who watched his Buckeyes defense successfully stop the Gators at the goal line on two different occasions, immediately after which the phantom touchdowns were sighted. Also, according to Tressel, a voice said, “Zuul.”
After the game ended, Venkman, who has been described as “more of a gameshow host” than a scientist, was allowed to study the field. Venkman whistled “Orange and Blue” while wandering the endzone. When asked for an explanation as to the whistling of the song, Venkman said, “They hate this. I like to torture them.”
Venkman then checked the endzone with a device that he called “technical,” before saying that he detected no paranormal activity readings in the endzone. Tressel asked, “Are you sure you’re using that correctly?”
Venkman replied, “Well, I… I think so, but I’m sure there are no phantom touchdowns in there.”
Venkman inspected the area surrounding the endzone, including the parts where the Buckeye players jumped out of their cleats and got fried right there on the field, but found nothing of consequence.
“What’s over there?” Venkman asked Tressel, indicating the opposite end of the field.
“That’s Florida’s endzone,” Tressel replied. “But nothing ever happened in there.”
“What a crime,” quipped Venkman, grinning at Tressel and nodding at the scoreboard.
Drs. Egon Spengler, Ray Stantz, and Winston Zeddmore are expected to join the investigation later this week to confirm Venkman’s findings.
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While he’s at it, he should investigate the fraud committed by Heisman winner Troy Smith. 4 of 14 passes for 35 yards, minus 26 yards rushing.
Some Heisman performance.
minus 37 rushing.
Go Get her Ray!
Aim for the sweatervest!