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ESPN’s Mike & Mike to Sing “Livin’ on a Prayer,” Shower in Beer

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SOUTH BEND, Ind.–The Linebacker Lounge, a popular seedy bar located southeast of Notre Dame Stadium, is preparing to host ESPN’s popular metrosexual morning sports talk show, “Mike & Mike in the Morning”. The show, hosted by Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, rolls into South Bend Friday morning, certainly on the shoulders of some influence from Golic, a former Notre Dame football player.

Mike & Mike Sing!

And the piano sounds like a carnival! And the microphone smells like a beer!

HLS was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with Mike and Mike, who shared their itinerary for their upcoming Linebacker visit (all times in EST).

  • 6:00 a.m. Kick off show after informing remaining drunken graduate students that the bar has, in fact, been closed for two hours.
  • 6:01 a.m. Golic and Greenberg use their Backer tickets to purchase Long Island Iced Teas.
  • 6:02 a.m. Greenberg complains about the cleanliness of his glass.
  • 6:03 a.m. First time Golic tells Greenberg to “Man up!”
  • 6:04 a.m.–6:37 a.m. On-air fellation of Derek Jeter.
  • 6:38 a.m. First mention of Notre Dame, to raucus cheers by the crowd.
  • 6:40 a.m. Greenberg picks Stanford to upset Notre Dame.
  • 6:41 a.m. Greenberg applies ice pack to swollen eye.
  • 6:42 a.m. Golic picks Notre Dame over Stanford, 77-0.
  • 6:45 a.m. Golic tells a Reggie White story.
  • 6:48 a.m. Drunken undergrad throws arms around Golic and Greenberg; the three belt out Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life.”
  • 6:56 a.m. Greenberg falls into “Backer Sludge” and weeps uncontrollably.
    Backer Sludge
  • 6:57 a.m. Second time Golic tells Greenberg to “Man up!”
  • 7:00 a.m. 15 ounces of 20-ounce beer “accidentally” poured over ESPN equipment, causing twenty minute blackout.
  • 7:20 a.m.–7:58 a.m. Back on the air, topic moves to whether T.O. is a jerk, or just misunderstood.
  • 7:59 a.m. T.O. calls in, tells Mike & Mike that he’s just a jerk.
  • 8:00 a.m. Golic and Greenberg sing “Livin’ on a Prayer.”
  • 8:05 a.m. Charlie Weis stops by the show, destroys Golic in hotdog-eating contest; Greenberg refuses to participate.
  • 8:06 a.m. First time Weis tells Greenberg to “Man up!”
  • 8:07 a.m. Greenberg plugs upcoming book, Why I Have Such a Hard Time Satisfying My Wife.
  • 8:10 a.m. An undergrad vomits on the Backer bar.
  • 8:23 a.m. Backer staff notices the vomit on the bar.
  • 8:25 a.m.–8:44 a.m. Mark “Stink” Schlereth appears on show and spews inane diarrhea from his mouth re: Derek Jeter and T.O.
  • 8:45 a.m. Backer staff cleans vomit off bar.
  • 8:52 a.m. Golic and Greenberg tell Jonelle Smith to “Just shut up,” and are showered in celebratory beer.
  • 8:55 a.m. Mike and Mike sing “Piano Man.”
  • 9:02 a.m. Golic tells another Reggie White story (“Jesus is coming!”).
  • 9:10 a.m. Golic and Greenberg take a look at the week ahead, which will be devoted to 60% Jeter man love, 35% T.O. stories, and 5% commercials.
  • 9:16 a.m. Sean Salisbury pokes his head in, reminds everyone that he is now living in Chicago, and asks a SMC chick if she thinks he’s hot.
  • 9:19 a.m. Chris Berman arrives, tells Salisbury’s SMC chick, “You’re with me, Leather,” and leaves with her.
  • 9:21 a.m. The Stanford band arrives, spoofs “Friends in Low Places” with the lyrics, “Well, a priest touched me in looooow places, I tried to scream, but he covered my face,” and is subsequently banned for life from the Backer.
  • 9:30 a.m. Greenberg puts on leprechaun costume.
  • 9:31 a.m. “Man up, Greenie!” said for the final time.
  • 9:32 a.m. The mutant bikers from Weird Science enter the Backer. Greenberg stands them down, finally earning the manly respect of Golic.
    Mutant Biker
  • 9:42 a.m. ESPN News Update: Derek Jeter is still alive. Isn’t he dreamy?
  • 9:48 a.m. Mike and Mike make their college football picks. Greenberg incorrectly picks the result of the Florida State-N.C. State game nearly eleven hours after the game’s conclusion.
  • 9:55 a.m. Mike, Mike, Mark, Sean, and the rest of the crew gather around and sing “Closing Time.”
  • 10:00 a.m. The ESPN crew clears out just in time for the South Bend townies to get their liquid breakfast.
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  1. domer.mq

    Where’s the part where Golic is so drunk he decides that Greenie is “good enough for tonight” and starts to make out with him on the dance floor? Does that only happen when it’s dark out?