As I teased last week, I wanted to discuss the hard seltzer renaissance that we’re witnessing. I’m honestly if there’s a better word to explain it because the concept itself isn’t new, but the maneuver to capitalize on it sure has been something to witness.
My first non-Zima-re-release dip into this sparkling booze pool came back when Mrs. Tex and I attempted the keto diet. While, yes, you can certainly have liquor, we craved a beer substitute–something that you could just pull out of the fridge and crack open, or throw into a cooler for an outing.
It’s fine for what it is, which is pretty much the same that I could say for light beer. Even though I’m not doing keto anymore, with football season around the corner, I’ve strongly considered the lower carb option to try and curb the myriad bad eating and drinking habits I will have during the season.
But along came this, and I think I haven’t been this jealous of Notre Dame students since Taco Bell opened in LaFun:
Y’all, the worst part about throwing any kind of party on campus was the hard liquor bans. You had few choices to deliver a beer alternative to guests that hated it, especially the crappy variants that populated dorm parties (because you aren’t buying wine that’s worth a crap). But now, you can grab a 6 or 24-pack of these bad boys, or even grab a 25 oz tall boy packing a stronger ABV punch than beer.
And if that wasn’t enough:
In comes 14% ABV of “fuck it, let’s get hammered” glory. We are truly blessed, even if the blessing might kill us. Eat your heart out, Mad Dog.
The thing I love most this whole trend is that it’s steering into the same direction that light beers have. Instead of dressing themselves up like Zima or projecting that they are a healthy alternative, Natty’s marketing pitch is basically “we heard you like seltzer so let’s save you money on the thing you want to drink.” Sold.
It’s not complicated and it’s honestly perplexing that it took this long to get here. I welcome our new seltzer overlords with open arms and look forward to partaking in my fair share this season.
First, some charity things. Y’all came through huge on the charity sim. As I write this, we raised $1,637.74 in a week to do what was literally a PPV video game sim. I’m over halfway to my $6k goal and I can’t thank y’all enough. But we’re not stopping there, Biscuit has some SC tickets available for auction that will support the ND general scholarship fund.
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