SOUTH BEND—Due to the high volume of sales of the Notre Dame-themed Wheaties box, General Mills has decided to release a Notre Dame-themed series of the popular orange boxes best known for immortalizing prominent figures in sports history.
“We wanted to do something a little bit different and step away from the sports motif a little bit,†GM spokesman Tom Addle said. “We also saw the crazy number of boxes we sold by slapping Notre Dame on the front of them. Did you know I once sold some lady a corn remover for $50 because it had an interlocking ND on it? Of course not. How could you know that? Anyhow, we figured we could capitalize on Notre Dame’s success.â€
Or lack of success, as the convenient segue may be. Addle also mentioned that the popular Wheaties slogan, “Breakfast of Champions,†would be modified during the series to read, “Breakfast of 9-3 Teams.â€
Wheaties seems reluctant to step entirely away from its sports theme, however. The first box will picture a quarter dog in jogging shorts breaking the tape to cross a finish line. “We expect to draw in a lot of people who long for a hot-dog-flavored breakfast cereal,†Addle explained.
Some of the boxes will pay honor to the students of Notre Dame. One will depict a Notre Dame freshman boy trying to convince a girl that walking to class together does not constitute dating. The box will include a novella explaining the ambiguous and awkward scene. Another box will depict the entire text of Du Lac, the student handbook which frowns upon sexual intercourse and co-educational mingling.
In conjunction with the student-themed boxes, Wheaties will include an S.Y.R. gift prize inside of each box. The gifts will range from Nerf dart guns to entire sets of dining hall utensils.
Other boxes in the series will depict famous scenes in Notre Dame history, such as the Freshman 1000-Yard Dash from Bridget McGuire’s to Campus, the Sextannual Keg Toss and Subsequent Egg “Tossâ€, and the ever-popular “Dress Up Like Your Fake ID†Halloween Party.
The first box depicting the quarter dog will be released on November 17, 2006, at midnight, retailing in most stores for a quarter. In the Notre Dame Bookstore, it will sell for $8.99.
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