I’m told this fellow attended no fewer than three colleges. Though he learned about criminal justice at one of them, he obviously did not major in communication studies at any of them.

I understand that newspapermen can be a tough crowd. Plenty of Notre Dame officials and student-athletes have had to face the glare of the bright lights and the shouted questions of the rabble, defended by nothing more than a podium and their wits. As an educator, I will take this opportunity to show how one should handle the loyal opposition…er…I mean the media. I present to you a hypothetical press conference.

[We enter in medias res.*]

Coach Kelly’s contract was just renewed for another five years. Since he hasn’t won a championship, hasn’t produced a Heisman winner, and lost his most recent bowl game to a far superior coach whom you couldn’t lure to Notre Dame, isn’t it clear that you’ve settled for annual mediocrity and given up on Irish football greatness?

You must have graduated from the University in the 1960s. Brian Kelly is an excellent coach. He has over 200 victories, 55 of them with the Fighting Irish. We competed for the National Championship in 2012, a season in which we were ranked first on the football field and first in graduation success rate. That had never been done before. He is a good family man, a pillar of the community, and a snappy dresser with a dazzling array of tartan sport coats. Though in the past he may have toyed with the idea of coaching a professional football team, he has come to appreciate what Ara Parseghian knew, Dan Devine experienced, and Lou Holtz learned the hard way – it’s far more rewarding to stay at Notre Dame than to go anywhere else. The NFL isn’t for everyone…just ask Nick Saban.

I have a follow-up screed. But Kelly obviously can’t recruit. He had a lackluster class this year, falling far behind the likes of Alabama, Florida State, and even Michigan. By the way, did you see the glory and majesty that was Michigan’s “Signing of the Stars?” You must admit that Jim Harbaugh is indeed touched with the purest magic.

Since there was no interrogative sentence in there, I can’t really answer a question. But I can reflect on your flight of fancy. Coach Kelly recruits what he needs, and develops what he recruits. Isn’t that the goal? Coach Kelly does not oversign, does not revoke scholarships, and does not deceive his players. They will have to work as hard in the classroom as on the field, and graduation is their ultimate goal. After all, this is Notre Dame, not Alabama.

Since I’m fixated and rude, I’ll continue my panegyric to The Harbaugh, blessed be he. How could Notre Dame have fallen so far, that no less than Lou Holtz joined The Harbaugh on stage to serenade the Michigan recruits and fans with a ballad to the greatness of Big Blue? Clearly Notre Dame’s shameless and dastardly cancellation of the series with Michigan caused one of its most devoted acolytes to convert to the one true faith in The Harbaugh, all praise and honor to him.

While you befoul yourself in ecstasy, let me point out once again, that scheduling difficulties on both sides of the Notre Dame-Michigan series necessitated a temporary hiatus. It is out of the ordinary that Notre Dame initiated this pause in the action, since it was Michigan that created the original 33-year rift after Fielding Yost became inconsolable in the face of his first defeat by Notre Dame. But Michigan fans really need to have some self-respect and stop acting like jilted lovers who hate their former paramours so much that they can’t stop thinking and talking about them. Harbaugh should be happy that he has had the opportunity to get his (clay) feet under him without having to fight the Irish. The series will commence again, and Harbaugh will have his shot, since his electronic leash doesn’t allow him to be farther than 50 feet from his Michigan keepers.

As for Lou Holtz, he was returning a favor as any man of integrity is expected to do. Michigan had him for a day, but since Holtz has a reservation in Cedar Grove, we have him for eternity. Besides which, Holtz was talking about his experience coaching against the Wolverines; he had no part in recruiting players for Michigan. He remains loyal to Notre Dame, but he is free to participate in events of his choosing. That said, I will not be joining in Jesuit Vocation Awareness Week.

Since my colleague from Ann Arbor has collapsed in a spittle-flecked trance, I’d like to redirect our focus to Notre Dame’s real rival, USC. Pat Haden is stepping down as athletic director, meaning that the momentary stumble before Notre Dame in football will immediately return to a decade of Trojan victories. Ready?

Allow me to wish Pat Haden well. He is a gentleman and a scholar. For several years he called Notre Dame games from our press box along with that older Hammond lady who, I presume, is his wife. May they both have a happy retirement together. Pat did the best he could at USC, but he was truly like Daniel in the Liars’ Den. I would need medical attention, too, if I tried to do that job. As for a replacement, I understand the Manziel fellow is looking for work these days. I know he doesn’t have a college degree, but let’s face it – USC athletics has never been about education. And Manziel’s lifestyle would fit quite nicely with the USC campus ethos. In the alternative, Urban Meyer could take over as USC’s athletic director, since he’s been at Ohio State for four years, and that’s far too long for him to remain at any dream job. Besides, if Urban left the Big Ten, Harbaugh would sleep better…in whichever recruit’s bunk bed he is camping out.

A junior on the football team has just been elected Student Body President. How can he do both?

If Knute Rockne could teach chemistry; serve as athletic director; run the business office and the ticket office; coach track and football; design football equipment, uniforms, and the Stadium; write newspaper columns and books; broker stock and sell Studebakers, all while raising four children, I think our Robinson lad can make the Dean’s List, make the catches to score the touchdowns, and faithfully execute the office of Student Body President all at once. That’s why we recruit scholar-athletes – they’re just more interesting.

Back to Harbaugh. Michigan will be holding football practice over Spring Break in Florida. Isn’t that a hoot! How brilliant of them! But the University of Florida is saying that’s not fair. What’s their problem, and why is Notre Dame so backward?

After a long and cold first half of the semester studying and keeping themselves fit, our scholar-athletes have earned a week’s respite. The University of Florida is angry because it is school policy that Spring Break is for lewd and lascivious behavior, hospitalizations, and arrests, not football practice. And Harbaugh needs to get a life and let his players have their own – one of them is going to take out a restraining order against him sooner or later.

At a recent basketball game, your students stormed the court after defeating top-ranked North Carolina. But don’t Notre Dame students rush the field and storm the court too much? Isn’t it too dangerous?

It’s a game, it’s excitement – deal with it. If we have rules for when and how to spontaneously express emotion, we’ve really gone way too far (though I wouldn’t put it past the Oberkommando der Student Affairs). Games are for cheering, yelling, and when you come from behind to win, running onto the court to celebrate. If you don’t like that, betake yourself up to that quaint little club overlooking the court where you can enjoy a genteel aperitif and canapés without those obnoxious students and fans. And just wait until we open the Decadence Boxes in the Stadium addition – fainting couches and intravenous booze delivery will make it more silent that a church on Good Friday.

How can a supposedly Catholic school permit an event like the Keenan Revue which annually manages to insult everybody and crosses every boundary of taste and decorum?

It’s vulgar, obscene, and bawdy. It’s just what this place needs. For those offended, I have extra Holy Water to use as eye-wash and ear-rinse. I would make the Holy Oils available, but the dancing lads would just grease themselves up for that smutty kick-line. It’s filth…but it’s our kind of filth.

That’s all the time I have for now. Your questions have been patronizing, condescending, and offensive. I have tried to respond in kind.

And now I’m going to drink a lot of Budweis cheap red wine.

EFS CSC

* This is Latin, students. You would be able to translate it if we still required you to study the great Classical Languages. If you don’t think it’s cool to study Classics, I would remind you that the Englishman who sang at halftime of the Super Bowl graduated with a degree in Latin and Greek…trusa illud in fistulam tuam et id fuma!

Padre’s book Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame, is available from the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore and Amazon. Don’t give it to a Michigan or USC fan…or may be you should…

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Bad Question appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

There are lots of people I’d like to send a lantern to this Christmas. But, alas, I am not an Alumnus of Notre Dame, so I don’t qualify for the project (you can’t found a place and graduate from it). Not to be deterred, I’ll list my lantern recipients here, so that they know they are in my thoughts on this Feast of the Nativity.

Every Student Preparing for Finals: You will need a lantern while you study late at night. Its dancing flame will give you the fire of inspiration as you prepare for your examinations. Your lanterns will say “Be the Curve-Buster.”

The Entire Football Team: They finished the season with 10 wins, and only down four points. They accomplished that despite the fact that dozens of players broke like fine bone china dropped from the top of the Library. The lantern can light and warm the dark winter practices as the lads prepare to do a Fiesta Bowl hat dance all over Ohio State. The football lads will receive lanterns saying “Be the Victor.”

All the Injured Football Lads: They were badly hurt, worked hard to heal, and never gave up on themselves or their teammates. These lanterns will say “Be the Nutrition” so no more body parts break or rip next year.

Any Football Lad Thinking of Leaving Early: Their lanterns will say “Be the Graduate” or “Be the National Champion.”

All the Basketball Lads: Their lanterns will say “Be the Final Four.”

All the Professors Preparing to Grade Finals: “Be Gentle.”

All Parents Welcoming Sons and Daughters Home for Christmas Break: “Be Prepared.”

Trinitas Cellars: These folks are making Notre Dame wine. If it’s suitable for consecration, I will need several cases for Mass and…discretionary holiday use. Their lantern will say “Be my Vintner.”

All Students, Alumni, and Fans Attending the Fiesta Bowl: “Be Loud” for the older ones; “Behave” for the younger ones.

Urban Meyer: He finally gets to coach [against] his dream team. But, though this is supposed to be the Year of Mercy, Urban isn’t going to find any of that in his stocking or under his tree…or in the Fiesta Bowl. His lantern will say “Be Gone.”

Atlantic Coast Conference Officials: They need a lantern because they obviously have a very difficult time seeing clearly. Their lantern will say “Be Retired.”

Stanford: I got out my trusty axe, Brother Choppy CSC, and I cut down the biggest evergreen I could find. I didn’t want to be late getting my Christmas tree up, so I went-a-cutting when we were out in California. It only took me six seconds (rage or irony?). Then I dragged that redwood halfway across the continent to Northern Indiana. Their lantern will say “Be the Fuel,” since the tree will become a big, welcoming bonfire in October. I should also send a lantern to that clown who runs around in a tree suit on the sidelines; Brother Choppy might have taken a few practice swipes at him. His lantern will say “Beware.”

My Brothers in Holy Cross: It’s not easy being a CSC at Christmas. There’s only so many sweaters and coffee mugs you can handle (thank God we don’t wear ties). CSCs work hard as teachers, rectors, chaplains, and guides – sometimes all at once. This can be very trying and exhausting, but it is a service very much needed. The days between Christmas and the Epiphany should be a time for my fellow CSCs to relax and refresh; so their lanterns will say “Be Cool.”

The BVM: She doesn’t really need a lantern, but the first Christmas was a pretty big deal and it wouldn’t have happened without Her. She always looks after us throughout the year, so Her lantern will say “Be There for Us (please).”

I know the sheer number of lanterns I want to send would break the bank for the Alumni Association. Thus, I hereby authorize the Association to take freely from Sorin Society contributions. And to all you loyal readers during this Christmas season, no matter what your situation or challenges, remember to “Be Happy.”

EFS CSC

Padre’s book, Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame, is available from the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore or from Amazon. It can fit in a stocking or under a Christmas tree for good Irish students, parents, alumni, and fans. It can also substitute in place of a foul-smelling lump of coal for fans of other teams.

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Being Generous appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

Pope Francis has called for a Year of Mercy. He is also very keen on physical demonstrations of merciful works. The Irish have already embraced this Papal exhortation to follow the path of mercy by allowing a losing Georgia Tech team to score two touchdowns, a two-point conversion, and to collect an onsides kick in the final minutes of the game. But to aid in this Spirit of Mercy, as well as to demonstrate to the extraordinary nexus between our faith and our love (Catholicism and Irish Football) I will demonstrate how the Notre Dame family can implement Catholic Mercy through football.

Corporal Works of Mercy:

Feed the Hungry – Share at your tailgate parties. Welcome starving undergraduates. Even welcome Minutemen fans – it will be the only highlight of their day. If you have a lavish spread pouring out of your conversion van like a mobile Sacred Heart blowing flame, share even more (besides, if you keep it until the next home game, it will be a lovely shade of Kelly Green). On the field, I urge our Kizer lad to feed passes to our Fuller, Hunter, and Robinson lads, for truly they hunger for touchdowns.

Give Drink to the Thirsty – Again I say to you, share at your tailgate parties. I’m sure there is plenty of juice and sparkling water…as well as sauce and fermented grape and barley water. Give drink to thirsty undergraduate…Seniors. Even give drink to Minutemen fans – for truly they will need it. And remember, the more you quench your own thirst, the more generous you will be in giving drink to others. On the field, I again urge Kizer to give the fortifying drink of the football to our Prosise lad, as he thirsts deeply for yardage AND touchdowns…thirsty fella, that CJ.

Clothe the Naked – The gentlemen at Under Armour have taken care of this quite handsomely (although trying to get out of a rain-soaked Under Armour cassock is quite the challenge). But if you have loved-ones who lack proper garments – and by that I mean Notre Dame garments – make a pilgrimage to the Bookstore so you may clothe them in glory. If you have enemies with hatred in their hearts, give them Blue & Gold clothing to hide the darkness of their souls; and if they are fortunate, to convert them to faith, hope, and love…in and for the Irish.

Shelter the Homeless – This doesn’t just count when we have to shove everyone into classroom buildings during violent storms. Students, if you find a very sleepy alum seeking a friendly couch late at night after visiting the…sights…of South Bend, show mercy and give him a pillow, too. This could even be a very sleepy older or younger brother or sister…or dad or uncle. In the Stadium, we will shelter the Minutemen in a locker-room throughout the day – until we send them packing back to Massachusetts.

Visit the Sick – Well, the Minutemen are 0-2, which is a rather sickly start, and we’re letting them visit. But in that an injury is just as bad as a sickness, students, you’ve got a lot of visiting to do. Flowers and cards aren’t necessary, and you don’t have to take turns at nursing duties, but when you see our lads Jones, Crawford, Zaire, Folston, Tranquill, and Smythe, whether in your dorm, or the Dining Hall, or in class, give them words of encouragement…and at the Grotto or in the chapel, a few prayers.

Visit the Imprisoned – Stop by Zahm or Morrissey, if not for a sloppy party, just to show solidarity with those poor souls incarcerated (or quarantined) there. And be sure to visit the lads in Carroll, so that they may know we have not forgotten them as they dwell in the wilderness.

Bury the Dead – Will start tomorrow by burying the Minutemen, and proceed to bury the Tigers, Midshipmen, Trojans, Panthers, Deacons, Eagles, and…Trees. We’re going to need a bigger cemetery.

EFS CSC

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But the whole idea of all these candidates debating issues and working toward one office caused me to consider the parallels to football (aren’t there always parallels to football or religion). And so I looked at several of our opponents and pondered what they would be like, were they Presidential candidates. I do this in the nation’s interest and in the spirit of patriotism.

First, some have already bowed-out of the race:

Texas – Walked a bit too softly and forgot to carry his big stick…while talking too loudly.

Virginia – The General Lee of the race. Played rough, left destruction in his path, but still lost.

Michigan – Lost the last primary. Moved to a small South American dictatorship.

Then, there are those who are still in the race:

Massachusetts – Thinks he’s an East Coast elite. Talks with a clinched jaw…a glass jaw.

Clemson – Can take a punch, but can’t deliver one.

Navy – A true patriot, but not enough missiles in his arsenal.

USC – Lying, cheating, philanderer with anger issues. He offends more voters than he attracts.

Temple – Small-time politician with small-time chances.

Pittsburgh – Always stays in the race too long, but usually gets kicked when he’s up.

Wake Forest – Genteel fellow, more interested in tee-times than kick-offs.

Boston College – Agent of the Evil Empire.

Stanford – Thinks way too highly of himself and is often delusional. Sore loser.

And that leaves tomorrow’s opponent:

Georgia Tech – Floats like a bee, but stings like a butterfly.

In this theoretical political scenario, the Irish win the primary and advance to the general election. It’s impossible to tell who the opposing party’s candidate might be, but there’s a good chance it will be a Southerner known for arrogance and corruption. I’ll leave you to fill in that blank.

EFS CSC

Editor’s Note – Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame is currently available in the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore and on Amazon.

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Since 1887, we’ve had worse seasons, but few as divergent as this one.  A fine defeatist platitude says, “These things happen.”  But this is so true.  In Rockne’s 11^th season, he only had one more victory than his four losses.  Leahy’s eighth season was flat, with only four wins, just as many losses, and a tie.  The Ear of Ara was marred by a 7-2-1 finish in the fifth year of his tenure.  In his penultimate year with the Irish, Devine managed only 7-4.  And in year nine, Holtz eked out but six wins, suffered five losses, and settled for one tie.

What’s interesting is that Rockne’s nadir came after three undefeated seasons and one championship, and it fell immediately before his two final undefeated championship seasons.  Leahy bottomed out after four championships, four undefeated seasons, and came in advance of a final undefeated effort.  Parseghian had one championship and one lossless season under his belt before he faltered, but came back with two more undefeated years and one more championship.  And Devine and Holtz were both national champions before they were brought low, Devine’s crown blemished by one loss, and Holtz losing two crowns by dropping the last game of two regular seasons.

Thus, Brian Kelly and this team, though not doing well, have not done anything out of the ordinary – except in the manner that they have done it.  No team has ever stoked the fires of hope by starting with six straight wins, then thrown a urine-soaked blanket on that blaze with five losses.  If the offense hadn’t been able to score a slightly more obscene amount of points than North Carolina, we’d be staring at the season-equivalent of a tie, a draw, a very stale stalemate.

People love to use the word EPIC – usually shouted in exultation or awe.  Read a damn darn Classical Epic, people!  Lots of heroes die; and even if they don’t, they all suffer horrible, degrading defeats and losses.  Epics are long, in excess of 20 books; and they are not defined by the first five.  Everything turns out well after all the blood and death, but the hero must have courage, belief in himself, and hope.

Behold the epic comparisons:

* The Trojans lost to the Greeks, but founded Rome…just like we lost to the Trojans, but we look forward to vanquishing them when next they come here to Little Rome.

* Everett Golson made spectacular plays but had abysmal turnovers…just like Odysseys fought his way through the Mediterranean returning return home to his devoted wife, all the while cheating on her.

* Agamemnon defeated Priam but was axed to death in his bathtub…we shutout Michigan but got cut to pieces by USC.

* We lost many fine players to injury, even a captain…just like Achilles lost Patroclus, Aeneas lost Anchises, and Odysseus lost his whole crew.

* Dido fell on Aeneas’ sword when the Trojan wouldn’t marry her…just like that USC cheerleader was flattened by her own Trojan player.

* We escaped Navy like Odysseus escaped Poseidon, but both were costly victories; Hoke coached like he only had only one eye in the middle of his forehead; Sarkisian sounds like some sort of island monster (the Sarkisian devoured a whole sow in two bites!); and Odysseus’ guide was blind…just like Brian Kelly went for two.

* The similarities go on and on, of course without the murder, idolatry, and incest – that would be the SEC.  My point is that the greatest stories in history have their dark moments.  Heroes have their flaws.  We had a good run, followed by a terrible fall.  But like our five greatest coaches, we still fight, and we march onward to victory.

I began this reflection with a literary echo of Dickens’ epic A Tale of Two Cities.  The hero Charles Darnay escapes the bloodbath of the French Revolution to see a better day; but right now we’re more like his identical counterpart Sydney Carton – young, talented but sloppy, and drunk.  Let’s just try to avoid the Guillotine Bowl brought to you by Robespierre.

EFS CSC

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: A Tale of Two Teams appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

Well, at HLS we strive to bring you what you want.

In the table below I looked at the four year recruiting data for every program on Notre Dame and Alabama’s schedule. (I’d love to do it for a lot of other programs but getting the data together for even one team is tedious to say the least and I fully expect this pattern to hold for all the top programs). The entries below represent 1) the conference blue chip ratios from last week’s piece, 2) the four year blue chip ratios for all AQ conference opponents played, and 3) the four year ratios for all programs on their respective schedules.

How do you interpret this data? Well I think the reason most people asked me to include the non-AQ teams in the earlier analysis was the presumption there would be an even narrower gap between ND and the top SEC programs (and a corresponding widening gap between ND and the other power conferences but analyzing those are for another day). The reason being that the teams on the softer part of ND’s schedule would presumably still be tougher (i.e. recruit better) than the open dates your typical SEC program schedules against various directional schools from the Southern Conference. And there is indeed a slight narrowing, but it only amounts to just a 1.2 percentage point difference which is pretty insignificant.

This says more about the shortcomings of a simple measure like the blue chip ratio than it does about ND’s opponents. The blue-chip ratio treats all the variation at the 3 star level and below as the same and clearly it isn’t. Just using the blue chip ratio there is a miniscule difference between programs like BYU and Navy on one hand and Chattanooga and Western Carolina on the other. Why? Because with the exception of less than a handful of 4 star recruits for BYU over a two year period on ND’s schedule, none of those programs have been able to land any blue chip prospects. At all. Nada. Zip. Zilch. But no one would take that information and claim Chattanooga recruits at the same level as BYU in real life.

The blue-chip ratio is good at looking at elite talent recruited by the top programs but pretty meaningless when trying to assess the overall attractiveness of a program that signs a lot of solid three star recruits. And those three star recruits help a program win games, making life much tougher for opponents.

The post The Blue Chip Ratio Revisited: Conference Data versus Schedule Data appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

Considering that the Air Force has planes and vicious birds of prey, they could be fairly intimidating.  But I happen to know that Our Lady’s University has the support of much more ancient and powerful winged masters of the sky: The Archangels.  Thus, as we go out into the rarified mountain air to challenge and defeat the Falcons of the United States Air Force Academy, let us call upon our defenders in battle.

Michael

His name means “Who is like God.”  Seems a little arrogant to me, but he’s damn awfully effective at fighting Satan.  Since we beat The Great Satan last week, we can be assured of Michael’s continued assistance in the next outing for the Irish.  Joshua (you know him as the fellow who ripped the rug out from under Moses and destroyed a city with music) referred to Michael as “Captain of the host of The Lord.”  Hence, he’s pretty much going to have Brian Kelly’s back against the falcons.

Gabriel

The name of this holy helper means “God is my strength.”  Sounds good; and Gabriel has a couple things going for him.  First, he is The Lord’s messenger, bringing words of support and strength to The Lord’s own.  In which case, Gabriel is either working for Sports Information or for the FIDM Office – maybe both.  The second thing about Gabriel is his horn, which he blows to indicate the favor of The Lord.  So he’s pretty much the director of the Band of the Fighting Irish.  There’s this other…thing…and I’m not making this up…from the Book of Enoch, wherein the discourse between The Lord and Gabriel is as follows: “Proceed against the bastards and the reprobates, and against the children of fornication, and destroy them.”  Clearly, this is a reference to USC; so we know Gabriel is working hard for us, since he helped us bring victory back to our home last weekend.

Raphael

A very important semi-divinity to have on hand, since he is “God heals.”  No more neck-strain, no more twisted knees – Dr. Raphael is on our sidelines to give strength and heal…you just can’t see him.  Raphael also was responsible for disturbing the waters of the Pool of Bethesda where those who were sick would wait for this sign of God’s healing.  Healing…water…obviously Raphael will be with our trainers and our managers tomorrow.

Uriel

I know this name sounds like a pill you take for an…ehem…embarrassing physical condition.  But he’s actually an Archangel of the Lord.  And his name means “Light of God.”  Since we buried the demons from Southern California under our own lights, and since we’re not kicking-off until 4:00 tomorrow, we can count on Uriel to be running the technical details for us.

Selaphiel

“Prayer of God” – he’s working with our chaplain and all the CSCs firing-away with the Paternosters and Rosaries behind the scenes.

Jegudiel

He is the patron of all who work in positions of responsibility for the Glory of God.  He’ll have his arm over Jack Swarbrick’s shoulder all night.

Raguel

This is the protector of those who work for justice, fairness, harmony, and vengeance.  His name means “Friend of God.”  And so this is the Archangel who will be with all of us fans in the stands tomorrow.

With our own divine Forces of the Air like this, we cannot lose.

EFS CSC

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Our Forces appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

I, Edward, who also am your founder, and your companion in tribulation, was in the most beautiful corner of Northern Indiana that is called Notre Dame.  I was in a nap on the day before the High Holy Day (football Saturday), and heard behind me a great voice like a trumpet circle, saying: “We are the Irish!” And I turned to see the one that spoke to me.  And being turned, I saw an army of gold helmets; and in the midst of the gold helmets, one like unto and Irish Bostonian, clothed with a rather tight-fitting garment (perhaps a bit too tight around the chest).  His face was red like a flame of fire, and his voice like the sound of the waters of two naturally spring-fed lakes…or something like that.  And he laid his right hand on me and said unto me, “Fear not!  I am the first coach to beat USC after eight straight losses.  Fighting Irish football was dead, but is alive, and will be alive for evermore!”

 And when he had finished his testimony, a beast ascended from out of a bottomless pit called Southern California and made war on the Irish.  And there was war in Notre Dame Stadium: Brian and his lads fought against the beast; and the beast fought and prevailed not!  And neither was USC’s place found in Heaven…er…Notre Dame Stadium any more.  And the great beast was cast out.

And I saw a new Notre Dame Stadium!  For the old Stadium had passed away, and there were no more home losses to USC.  And I, Edward, saw the holy arena, the New Stadium, coming down from Heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband…which was totally weird, because I never thought of the Stadium as a woman, and if that’s the case, is the Stadium breaking parietals with the Joyce Center…but anyway…

And I heard a great voice out of Heaven saying, “Behold!  Every tear shall be wiped away.  There shall be no more loss, nor sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.  For the former things have passed away, and USC has been beaten in OUR HOUSE!”

*****

So this is why I will never again eat Dining Hall Cajun and wash it down with off-campus Jungle Juice.  It was a wild dream – one might call it a revelation.  But it will come true.  GO IRISH!

EFS CSC

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The Trojans of 2013 are a team of enormous potential and problems, now dealing with the mid-season firing of their former head coach, Lane Kiffin. Hesiman hopefuls Marquise Lee and Silas Redd have battled injuries, with Redd, notably, missing the first five games completely. Heading into Saturday, Lee is likely to play.

This is a game of huge importance to the Irish, who cannot afford anymore losses if they hope to play in a BCS bowl. And, on the outside of the Top 25, Notre Dame desperately needs a win to claw its way back in, to set up a meaningful game in November against the Cardinal of Stanford. Aside from its rivalry status, this year’s USC game is a test of two coaches, one ensconced, but constantly questioned, the other new, with a questioned past.

USC is just starting to begin its walk of shame from Lane Kiffin’s house, a house, incidentally, which it could reclaim under the terms of its contract with the disgraced former coach. Having broken it off with Kiffin after a disastrous trip to Tempe, USC has gone all in are happy to have Ed Orgeron as their interim head coach.

Orgeron is a cajun. He’s from Galliano, in Lafourche Parish, and has deep ties to the bayou, playing his high school ball at South Lafourche High with The Cajun Cannon, Bobby Hebert. He’s been coaching since 1984, first at Northwestern State, then at McNeese, both here in Louisiana. Then, he did two years at Arkansas before falling in with Jimmy Johnson and the Miami Hurricanes. But, like many a coonass surrounded by hurricanes, Orgeron’s life was thrown into disarray, as he flew from self-induced crises to self-induced crises, ultimately leaving the game altogether in October of 1992.

To his credit, Orgeron paid his dues and returned to football, first as a volunteer coach, then as a D-line coach at Syracuse. From there, in 1998, he joined USC, which he left in 2004 after being recognized as the National Recruiter of the Year. Taking the reigns at Mississippi, he either drove the program into the groundor just couldn’t pull the nose up on a program that was crashing and burning around him. You tell me. Regardless, he was fired from Ole Miss in 2007, did a season with the New Orleans Saints in 2008, and then landed at the University of Tennessee under Lane Kiffin, who smuggled him out under his burkha while disguised as a woman in the back of a Toyota pickup when the two fled to Los Angeles in January of 2010.

Before being named the interim head coach this season, Orgeron continued his former role as recruiting coordinator and also coached the D-line. Since he had a strong hand in recruiting his players, the passionate and familial manner in which some of them addressed the media after the Arizona game is readily understandable. In short, if you’re expecting SC’s players to quit on their coach, you’ve got another thing coming. They might quit on themselves, but they won’t quit on Ed.

Notre Dame’s head coach was asked specifically about coaching against Orgeron in yesterday’s press conference. Kelly was complimentary, noting that Orgeron is “a veteran” who has the Trojans “playing with a lot of energy and enthusiasm.” And Kelly seems focused on playing the USC of 2013, not the ghosts of Orgerons past. When asked if he and his staff looked back to Orgeron’s Ole Miss days, Kelly said they had not.

While I’m not saying they should have, Orgeron displayed the boldness of the bayou in noteworthy fashion when he coached the Rebels. In his final game, a 17-14 loss to Mississippi State, Orgeron went for it on fourth and one in the fourth quarter, at mid-field, and up by fourteen. The Rebels failed to convert and went on to give up seventeen straight points. That sealed Orgeron’s fate, after seasons of failing to amass a number of wins that had any sort of correlation to the talent he was recruiting. It’s a little ironic, then, that those same recruits ran all over Orgeron’s Tennessee defensive line when the schools met in 2009 in Oxford, beating the Volunteers 42-17.

Whatever Orgeron did or didn’t do at Ole Miss, it’s the players he recruited we need to contend with on Saturday. Their D-line was a preseason favorite of the pundits. Speaking of preseason punditry, I’m a bit enamoured with this one from August. Especially the bit about the Trojans falling to the Sun Devils, having their “mediocre O-line” “decimated” by the Irish defense, and their season sprialling “out of control” after losing in South Bend. From your mouth to God’s ears.

So, expect Orgeron to play to his team’s strengths, which will be to put a likely healthy Lee against Notre Dame’s questionable secondary whenever possible and use a five- to six-deep stable of backs to keep the Irish guessing. Expect Orgeron’s players to match his intensity in what is a make or break game for Notre Dame’s BCS hopes and perhaps the only game standing betwen Troy and the abyss.

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So the Leprechaun Legion (that mirabile visu green horde of spirit and pride and love and support and noise and Irishness) has declared tomorrow to be a Green-Out.  While I fear that sounds like a euphemism for some sort of tropical parasite that causes intense gastro-intestinal distress, I fully and completely and whole-heartedly support the “Wearing of the Green.”  This is how we show who we are.  This is how we show Oklahoma and the nation exactly what the soul of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish looks like.

And what is that soul?  It’s courage in the face of any opponent and any odds.  It’s devotion not just to one team or one game, but to the very idea of victory – victory no matter how hard-fought, victory in all aspects of life’s games, victory when and where and how it counts.  Our soul is one of lovely imperfection, for, above and beyond all else, nothing in this world has any business being perfect.  Imperfection, meaning that we can take the hard hits, we can endure the troubles, we can get up from being knocked down…and we have, time and time again over the course of the last 171 years.

Green is our color when we want to celebrate that soul, that spirit, that devotion to overcoming and winning, no matter when, no matter how small the stakes or how daunting the prospects.  We win on the field, we win in the pew, we fight hard and win for each other.  I don’t mean to suggest that The Lord favors us – that would be blasphemous.  But I can assure you all that His Mother has our back.

And I don’t mean that facetiously.  Certainly The BVM doesn’t care specifically about football.  If she did, we would have had the Ephesus Fighting Ephesians.  If The BVM cared specifically about football, she would have flown her house to the Great Plains of Midwestern America, rather than Loreto.  But she didn’t.  She sent me.  And I know, as certainly as water is wet and grass is green, that She does indeed have specific care for each and every one of us – whether it’s our lads in pads, or our chief on the sidelines, or the lowliest freshman in the stands.  I know it.

When we wear the Green tomorrow, we must all know it.  We must cheer and shout and scream and give our Fighting Irish lads all the support and devotion that Green symbolizes.  It is the color of a downtrodden race whom God and His angels seemed to forget for so long.  But that was as nothing to the Irish.  They came to a new country and made it their own.  And that is what we celebrate when we wear the Green.  We celebrate the hope that it took to create a new nation on a new continent.  We celebrate the sweetness of coming from nothing and living hand-to-mouth for as long as it took to make it – and the Irish, and our Irish, have undoubtedly made it.  And we celebrate life.  What is the color of life and living things?  Green.

Bring on Oklahoma!  I fear them not!  We can, and we have, defeated them – not just last year, but when it counted most.  Who but the Irish toppled the Sooners from their legendary, record-breaking winning streak.  We have beaten them, and we will beat them, and Green will be the color not just of their envy, but of our exultation, our spirit, our love for our lads and our University.

Oh, and by the way, the ancient arms of Ireland, the symbol of the people for  half a millennium, is not Green.  It’s blue and gold.

EFS CSC

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