Of the myriad institutions of higher learning in this country, some call themselves colleges, others universities; some are very old, others quite new; some are state schools, others private. Amidst all this variety, I am proud to say that my Notre Dame has always stood out as being the premier Catholic educational institution. Indeed, every good Catholic boy and girl should dream of four years at Notre Dame…if the Jesuits don’t eat them first.
How the Illuminati who conjure the NCAA bracket must be laughing up their sleeves now that they’ve pitted us against one of the venom-spitting heads of the Jesuit Hydra. The evil they wrought with the French Revolution was not enough for them; now they seek to humiliate our L’Universite de Notre Dame du Lac by throwing us against The Coven, S.J.. These are wicked men–and the Illuminati are no better.
I’d root for the Freemasons if they were playing the Jesuits. I’d cheer for the Sultan and his foul Janissaries if they were playing the Jesuits. The problem is the Sultan has been out of business for almost a hundred years, and the Freemasons are too busy running the Trilateral Commission, the Bilderbergs, Sports Illustrated, and the BCS to bother putting together a basketball team.
People often ask me why I have such an ardent antipathy for the Jesuits. Without going into excruciating detail, the King of the Witches…I mean the Superior General…tried to have me eliminated on no fewer than three occasions: once in Rome, once in Montreal, and once in the “necessary room” of a tramp steamer off the coast of Ireland.
And then there’s Boston College.
The Chestnut Hill plague-carriers are the perfect example of the inherently destructive nature of this horde. Their claim to fame, their proudest boast, is that they have periodically infected Notre Dame with the disease of loss and suffering. That’s not a college, it’s an infestation.
Therefore on Friday, I exhort all Loyal Sons and Daughters to join with me, wherever they may be, and cheer the Fighting Irish to victory against The Nemesis! I urge that great green hive-mind known as the Leprechaun Legion to take Greensboro by storm, rallying our lads and our fans! Like Orpheus, we must descend into the underworld to lead beautiful dame victory into the light!
Let us call upon the powerful intercession of our Saint Patrick, beloved of the Irish, to help us drive these snakes out of Greensboro. Then, clutching golden triumph to our bosom, on the very feast of Holy Patrick no less, we shall all go to Mass and offer thanksgiving…you’re all going to Mass on St. Patrick’s Day, aren’t you? Oh, who am I kidding…
We have to deport you all from campus just to avoid the nasty police incidents. Root for the basketball team and say a little prayer. I’ll discuss St. Patrick’s Day another time…