“I’m not a big fan of playing football games in Ireland. I’d rather play them right here. It’s going to be a great trip for our alums and all those that follow us. It’s going to be great for Ireland and we’re pleased about that. But as it relates to the game of football, I’d rather not travel six hours to go play.” -Thus Spake Kelly- I certainly agree that it would be nice to play all of our games in our Stadium. But let’s be practical – after the first six back-to-back matches of an ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Wisdom
Freshman football players of 2012: Wear helmets. I’ve seen this game played in leather caps that offered no more protection than a baseball glove, and even played with no headgear at all. Your helmets may be hot, uncomfortable, and cumbersome. They may block your vision of the spittle-flecked troglodyte about to blindside you. But your helmets will save you from spending your life having one eye pointing permanently in the wrong direction, or believing that you’re Ehrengard Melusine ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Spite & Malice
Maybe it’s this heat or maybe it’s the alignment of the planets or maybe it’s an excess of black bile, but I’m in a mood. So pardon the hell out of me while I vent my spleen. Things I Hate: Outdoor plumbing Michigan Cheap homemade beer (I’m looking at you, Zahm) The stench of that corn-fuel that has to be some kind of foul magic and will never work Southern California The sound the pipes make which is like a blind plumber playing a xylophone Stanford’s damn band The ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Punishment
There’s a lot of talk lately about punishments. From the Illuminati at the NCAA to our own St. Joseph County court, the penalties have been raining down like burning hail on Egyptians. I have never been interested in punishment, primarily because I’m not a Russian novelist (too many ladies standing in front of trains), and because I don’t think it works. Unfortunately, an organ of the institution I founded seems to possess a vulgar lust for the act of punishing. I speak of the Oberkommando ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Perfection
Since there’s so much discussion of who our best players are, I think it’s important to take a principled stand on the subject. Without getting too heavily into philosophy (which shall remain a two-course requirement FOREVER, so don’t bother complaining – you’re lucky you don’t have to take Latin and Greek any more), I want to contemplate the Platonic ideal of a football player. That is, I will now conjure for you the perfect Notre Dame Fighting Irishman. He may or may not exist now or at ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Hotheads
The threat of hell pales when one has spent July in Northern Indiana. Sweating, losing consciousness, tempers flaring, violence abounding – these do not describe a football game against one of our archrivals. This is life in Notre Dame, Indiana, during high summer. I always wanted to be a missionary to the New World, not French West Africa. But days like these I think I made a dreadful mistake: surely Senegal can’t be as brutal as this. And at least it has colorful birds and charming ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Good Sports
When it comes to sports, football isn’t just the first among equals; football is a little more equal that all the others. But that’s simply a fact of history and victory. It doesn’t preclude me from appreciating – or trying very hard to appreciate – other athletic endeavors. Here’s how the world of organized sports shakes down for me. Sports I Get Baseball: Perhaps the finest American athletic tradition. It teaches teamwork while requiring specialization. It is complex, and yet ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: High Points
Since everyone seems to be sharing all sorts of warm reminiscences about their favorite Notre Dame moments, I’ve decided to weigh-in with my favorite memories from the first five decades. Favorite Memories of the 1840s Not dying of Typhus on the ship crossing the Atlantic Winning 524 acres of Northern Indiana tundra in an all-night Baccarat game with the Bishop Being utterly enchanted by the quaint beauty of South Bend – this was a very brief experience Redecorating the Log ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: Injuries
I noted with great concern that our fine Brian Kelly has been laid low by a back injury. This is really no surprise, since he’s been carrying around tremendously heavy expectations for two years – and he’s been picking up for Weis. I’m sure Professor Kelly is a resilient young man and will recover in time for the competition season, but what will this mean for his summer school class? Surely he teaches something; after all, Professor Rockne taught “Introduction to Chemistry,” Professor Leahy ...
Good Fridays w/Padre: NDictionary
I’ll admit that one thing I hadn’t properly prepared for when starting my little 1842 adventure was the English language. I knew enough to get by, but I had to learn a lot more fast. This situation was not helped by the fact that my companions were a bunch of Irish Brothers whose gutter-English was significantly worse than my rudimentary Frenglish. The Brothers also took to speaking to each other in the Irish language when they wanted to conceal information from me, which was most of the ...