An anagram is a phrase created by rearranging the letters of another word. I love anagrams, although my name doesn’t yield many great ones. (Joey’s due rum is the best.) I was screwing around with the names of Notre Dame football players in the Internet Anagram Server when I made a shocking discovery.
The letters of redshirt sophomore quarterback DeShone Kizer’s name spell the phrase “red zone hikes.” Like the ouija board that freaked me out when I played with it in my grandmother’s basement, was this some sort of message from beyond?
I’m not sure what the spirits are trying to say, because Notre Dame wasn’t particularly good in the red zone last year. They converted 81.13 percent of their red zone opportunities into field goals or touchdowns in 2015, which was 77th best. There’s some talk of using redshirt senior Malik Zaire in red zone situations next year. While Kizer made his fair share of boneheaded mistakes inside the 20 yard line, the lack of red zone production precedes both men competing for the starting spot. The Irish were 78th in red zone conversions in 2014 and 69th in 2013.
While I contemplate how to decode this message, here are my favorite re-arranged names:
- Junior reserve quarterback Montgomery VanGorder’s name can be shuffled to spell “a government dorm orgy.” To me, this conjures a slightly disturbing image of disrobed politicians mingling limbs with nubile interns in the Rayburn Building.
- Freshman linebacker Khalid Kareem is from Michigan, but he was never going to play for Jim Harbaugh and his “lame red khaki.”
I’ve rearranged the letters in redshirt sophomore center Sam Mustipher‘s name and it’s scary, folks: “Messiah Trump.” To add to this, freshman offensive tackle Liam Eichenberg‘s name can be reorganized as “emailing breech.” (Yes, in this context I’d want “breach.” Work with me, folks.)
- Sophomore wide receiver Equanimeous St. Brown is from California, but I love that his name can be re-arranged to “Be a unique snowstorm.”
- I don’t think we have to worry about freshman running back Deon McIntosh running afoul of the university’s code of conduct regarding premartial relations. His name, scrambled, is “condom, the sin“
I may have some insight on what got redshirt sophomore Grant Blankenship suspended from the team this spring. It may have been “penning brash talk.”
- Sophomore Te’von Coney is poised to become a leader on the field, if is his name is any indication. He can “convey tone” and be “not even coy” about his calls. Ditto to senior defensive end Isaac Rochell, who can “coach rallies.”
- If you appreciate senior safety Max Redfield‘s arms in this picture, it can be said you “admired flex.” Redfield, to my knowledge, has been able to avoid any off-field academic issues which is good, because he may also be an “exam fiddler.”
- Sophomore cornerback Ashton White may not be pleased with Notre Dame’s opening game; the high temperature in Austin on Sunday, Sept. 4 is forecasted to be 95 degrees. And Ashton White “hates hot win.” But as redshirt sophomore tight end Nic Weishar reminds us, “Each win, sir,” is vital.
- The Middies better hope 5th year senior safety Avery Sebastian doesn’t see playing time in their Nov. 5 game against Notre Dame. His name suggests he likes to “bite Navy areas.”
- Redshirt sophomore Shaun Crawford may enjoy apple-picking if he’s ever invited. After all, “orchard was fun.” Or perhaps he’s warning of us of a illegitimate despot overseas – “fraud has crown.”
- If freshman safety Jalen Elliott doesn’t see the field this year, it may be because he needs to be more physical with the receivers coming into his area. Right now, they’re getting a “lite lane jolt.”
We know senior wide receiver Torii Hunter Jr. plays football and baseball. How about golf? His name suggests he could be good – “true-hit iron.”
- Freshman cornerback Donte Vaughn may be questioning our Second Amendment, because his name spells out “handgun veto.”
- Senior cornerback Devin Butler is “unbelt drive.” Don’t do it, Devin! It’s illegal under Indiana state law and it’s a $25 fine for first offenders.
- Does anyone know if junior cornerback Nick Watkins is into post-game needlepoint? “Sack. Win. Knit.” Please let it be this instead of “win cat kinks.” MEOW!
- Notre Dame has been giving scholarships to long snappers like 5th year senior Scott Daly. That’s a “tad costly.”
- What does senior running back Tarean Folston walk around campus in? “Not tan loafers.”
- Sophomore running back Dexter Williams is enjoying the good life back home in Orlando, although sometimes his coaches wish he would “relax wild times.”
- Sophomore safety Nicco Fertitta is constantly working on improving his game. He’s “a critic, often” of his own play. And I love the seemingly boundless energy of junior linebacker Greer Martini. I wonder if he’s ever said: It’s “rare, me tiring.”
- Junior tight end Durham Smythe is probably the thirstiest guy in practice. “Hydrate us, hmm?”