As the first week of 2016 comes to a close, I’m sure plenty of those lofty, ambitious New Year’s resolutions we set for 
ourselves have already found their way to the dumpster. A new year frequently brings renewed new hope and unabashed enthusiasm for the possible…if not likely. It’s still a great time for bold takes on what to look forward to when the fall rolls around and football returns. I was curious to hear from the HLS Staff what they were most confident in happening in the 2016 season. Because it’s the HLS Staff, I wasn’t quite sure what I’d get – thoughtful, introspective musings? Unlikely. Hot takes? Almost assuredly. Snark. Well, that’d be my guarantee. Presented to you with limited commentary are the HLS Staff’s way too early Guarantees:
Remember September when some guy named Malik Zaire was getting us all hot and bothered by his potential? Man, that seems like a long time ago. Well, SupermanTDJesus didn’t forget and didn’t forget that he was coming back this Fall. Soooo…..his thoughts:
Malik starts at least 3 games. Could be the first three. Could be due to injury to Kizer. Could be all year. But he WILL start 3. Bonus: he wins those 3 starts.
Honestly, were I in Vegas I’d take the over of Malik on 3 starts. I have a strong feeling if you’ve read any of andrewwinn’s posts this season documenting just how good DeShone Kizer’s been, including yesterday’s, that sometime this offseason we’re going to debate this quarterback thing some more.
Another recent hot topic, as it seems to be every off season when ND fans go all “The Bachelor” about their feelings towards Brian Kelly, some “SOURCES” really want to report maybe BK could maybe go somewhere else because “SOURCES.” My fellow Assistant Editor andrewwinn had this to say:
I am 100 percent confident that Brian Kelly will coach all regular season and postseason games for Notre Dame in 2016.
But what about the National Title Game that’ll technically occur in 2017? Way to leave a loop hole, fool!
Irish Elvis has retired from his days of authoring the HLS Recap, but certainly not in trolling the Internet. He offered up 2 guarantees:
I’m 100% certain that Kizer will start vs Texas.
ND will be a preseason playoff selection again
I mean, does it count to guarantee that the media will play their normal bi-polar game of both ripping ND and placing them up on a pedestal at the same time? Actually, that’s undoubtedly the safest guarantee that anyone made…
Have we mentioned quarterbacks yet? Tex may have retired from the EIC position, but he provides not a guarantee, but a pretty damn good piece of thinking for those all angry over being angry:
Having lots of QBs is good. I hope they all stay. I understand if they don’t.
I appreciated Elvis’ observation to piggyback on this point…HI TEXAS A&M!!!:
Soooo many teams have zero QBs and we have 3
I saw people already concerned with a Wimbush transfer or the difficulty in juggling two good quarterbacks, and man does that seem like a petty problem to be concerned with. It’s such a departure from just 2013 when ND was deciding between Tommy Rees and Andrew Hendrix (and it sadly wasn’t even much of a decision) that I just can’t fathom why people view having multiple good options at quarterback as an actual issue.
What’s my way too early guarantee?
ND finishes for a second straight season with an offensive efficiency on a yard per play basis in the Top 10 nationally. Add Folston back to go along with an expanded Josh Adams and a healthy Malik Zaire, and the offense doesn’t even notice the departures of Prosise and Fuller.
Feel free to leave your responses to our hot takes in the comments or leave your own guarantees below. But rest assured, you won’t beat Elvis’ parting shot:
Michigan will still be scoreless vs. Notre Dame #neverforget
Yup. Happy 2016 all!
Survivor of the Davie, O'Leary, Willingham football eras. Southern. Charming and more often than not the wittiest person at his dinner table (he eats alone quite a bit).
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CJ Sanders will be compared to Fuller more than once.
Josh Adams will get more carries than Folston.
Our D will be the death of us all.
My man crush for Zaire will come back with a vengeance.
Heissman in south bend?!
Either MZ, DK or Tarean Folston win the heisman
The defense will be dominant, BVG (or whomever) gunna let the athletes be athletes*
*Haven’t had a chance to rant in any forum but it’s good therapy to complain about ND, for fans of any team. yes there were a million problems w the D this year, biggest disappointment or coaching failure is to have had Nyles Morgan holding his helmet in one hand and scratching his azz w the other w the best seats in the house. I don’t buy Schmidt was needed to get people lined up, as that has been suggested as his “redeeming” quality. It’s not like jaylon n the boys grew up playing rugby and it’s not like joe was even good at “lining them up.” I can’t think of a comprable athletic gulf, maybe cam macdaniel and procise but whatever the case, that athletic upgrade alone at MLB and if the frosh LBs are as advertised and the coaching uses its players n not its scheme then this crew can unleash havoc albeit even without a dominant edge presence. Long winded sorry boys, go Irish