Gainesville, FL – In an act of good will, Ohio State University sent some advisers to Gainesville this weekend to help consult University of Florida officials on “celebration and jubilation management.”
However the Ohio State University officials were not just impressed, but “truly dazzled” by the complete lack of burned shit in Gainesville over the course of a week following the University of Florida Gator’s stunning BCS Championship win.
“It’s unbelievable. They’ve been champions for almost a full week now, and we haven’t seen any reports of rioting, burning couches, or Styrofoam cooler defecation,” said a dumbfounded Ohio State official who asked to remain anonymous after realizing how embarrassed he really ought to be.
The Gators even held a celebration on Saturday that was attended by 70,000+ fans, and yet the OSU officials couldn’t smell any sort of industrial products being burned.
“I mean, think about it. 70,000 people with nothing to do but celebrate, and not a damned thing is even smoldering. It’s impossible. I wouldn’t have believed it if you’d told me,” said the source. “And, seriously, if you look around the town of Gainesville, there’s a lot of shit you could burn and hardly anyone would miss it.”
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What is this flaming asshole’s email address? I CAN’T WAIT to send him a love letter
After burning the shit that was the Buckeye coverage last week, maybe they’re just tired.