Michigan’s administration warned students and MI fans to watch their backs in a recent announcement about this weekends game.Â
Amongs the ingenious tactics:
- Don’t drive in a car with MI platesÂ
- Minimize MI gear or wait until inside to display it
Okay, first of all minimizing MI gear should be done all of the time. But, it simply won’t work here. Insane/hormonally imbalanced/irrational/drunken/meathead/idiotic tOSU fans will spot any Maize or Blue anywhere in the state that day. And then they will likely STAB the owner. And while I hate Michigan, and Michigan most definitely SUCKS, assault is a bit much.
Here are a few proven techniques to protect yourself from or ward off tOSU fans:
- Don’t go to the game
- Wear Kevlar
- Speak intelligently and using big words – they will be confused and run away
- Don’t shower or shave for a few weeks and then dress in rags…wait, no, that is more likely to attract the Neanderthals. Nix that.
- Carry a Sawed-off Shotgun, like the crazy kid in Red Dawn (one of the best 80’s movies EV-ER by the way)
- Do NOT in any way, ever, make the all-too-easy ‘dot the I’ jokes you want to make and shove in their FACE. Just resist.
- Bring along Sloth from Goonies. He will protect you, so long as your nickname is Chunk.Â
- Do not go to the game. Really, this is your best option.
To Review:
+ Antidisestablishmentarianism ++= SAFE
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Trey
You’re forgetting another one…If you DO decide to go to the game, don’t tailgate with Beer or hard liquor. Be sure to pack bottles of Merlot and Pinot Grigio. Even the sight of sophistication and class will make the heathens from hell explode.