With Notre Dame currently favored to win by more points than we scored in either of our last two wins over Michigan, and with the first CFP rankings coming out Tuesday, you just know that tonight’s tangle with the Midshipmen will be a gut-churning gumbo of third-and-forevers and jacked-up knees. To make it worse, the color commentators will be spicing that gumbo with nautical terms and patriotic pablum. This is my least favorite game of the season.
In an effort to make the experience less bad for you, I thought it would be helpful to crack open my weather beaten copy of Spindrift and give you, our loyal reader, a glossary of sorts. Let’s get underway:
abaft – a mispronunciation of “a raft” and came into popular parlance when Lord Nelson caught a cold at Aboukir Bay.
bumpkin – someone from West Lafayette. Not to be confused with a “blumpkin.”
clew – what a Brian VanGorder defense generally lacks.
deadeye – Ian Book reading an intermediate route.
escutcheon – the part of the stern of the ship where the name goes unless its a Notre Dame ship because we don’t use names duh.
frap – to draw a sail tight. Just don’t omit the “r.”
grapnel – a small anchor Navy offensive linemen use to hold Notre Dame players without penalty or consequence.
holystone – the little beads on a rosary. You are welcome.
inboard – part of the running game, i.e. “we’re gonna go inboard and outboard!”
jack-block – a type of block in which the opposing player is hit in the knee with a roll of quarters.
kedge – a type of block in which a Navy player kicks his opponent in the knee.
leech – a wacky coach
moonraker – an arcing pass in which the apex of the trajectory is greater than sixty feet.
oakum – somebody that we used to know.
poop – what one does after Navy goes ahead by a score.
quarterdeck – where the quarterback stands to throw.
rowlock – a maneuver in which two Navy players lock arms and strike an opponents knees.
scuttlebutt – a type of offensive move in which the ball-carrier advances himself on his posterior.
tranship – a truck that identifies as a ship.
wheelhouse – for Navy, illegal blocks.
yawl – all of you.
I hope you get a chance to use some or all of these words tonight at your game watch or tailgater. Enjoy. Go Irish.