As I thought about what to write about for this year’s version of the Blue/Gold game, I wondered what exactly I should focus on. The QB Battle? The D-Line situation? Do we actually have enough WRs to field two teams? Do we have enough DBs to cover them?
With these burning questions in running through my head, I saw this year’s version of the scoring rules for the spring game and it hit me. There will only be one thing that this game will have in common with any game in the upcoming season: drinking.
Oh sure, we will have plenty of time to analyze every last detail of this scrimmage until September (and we will definitely do so in this space), but for now, let’s have a bit of fun with this. I mean, if Kelly can make up an arbitrary scoring system for a football game and completely neuter the special teams, I think it’s only fair that I create arbitrary rules for getting completely hammered while I watch.
The Rules
First off, you are to pick a team in which to cheer/drink for. For every point scored on you (yes, even the weird defensive ones), take a drink. Think you’re a tough guy? Drink for both teams.
In between all the strange scoring that will make little to no sense, you will also take additional drinks for the following events:
Opposing offense gains a first down: 1 Drink (if drinking for both teams, 1 drink for any first down)
Any turnover: 2 drinks
If the turnover was Rees’ fault: 4 drinks
If Rees managed to turn the ball over in the red zone: Finish your drink and throw the empty bottle at the TV (Note: HLS is not responsible for damage should you actually do this)
Any sack: 1 drink
Should Aaron Lynch be mentioned on the broadcast after said sack: Finish your drink and cry/curse the fact that he’s gone
Any penalty: 1 drink
Should that penalty be because of excessive celebration: Take another drink
Should that penalty be roughing the snapper: Marvel at the fact that ND is the only team to ever pull this feat off during a spring game and finish your drink
Any fair catch: 1 drink (because seriously, why not?)
If Goodman does it: Take another drink
Should anyone around you complain about the fair catches or ask why we won’t return the damn punt: Make them finish their drink (Bonus points: Ice them)
If we run any play out of the wildcat (aka Leprecat): 1 drink
If the broadcast actually calls the wildcat the Leprecat: Take another drink
Any time the QB battle is mentioned on the broadcast: 1 drink
Any time a ND player is mentioned in regards to the NFL draft: 1 drink
If the player mentioned is Floyd: 2 drinks (here is a good spot as any to remind you to designate a driver while playing this game)
Any time Brian Kelly is caught on camera yelling at a player: 1 drink
Should Kelly’s face turn red: Take another drink
Should Kelly’s face turn purple: Finish your drink
Enjoy your day drinking the game!
Texan by birth, Irish by choice.
First-generation Domer and a former student manager, HLS podcast host, HLS Sim creator, Extra Life streamer, and technical problem haver. You can find more non-Notre Dame related writing on his Patreon.
- Epilogue - January 3, 2022
- HLS Podcast Finale - January 2, 2022
- The Final Fiesta: Notre Dame vs Oklahoma State NCAA ’14 Sim - December 31, 2021
1) See Rees appear as QB1 to start the game, drink self into coma. The end.
For every time Manti gets unnecessarily fired up (like he has been in the practice updates) and it’s still awesome despite him not actually doing something, 1 drink.
Drink every time LNIII flattens a ball carrier or innocent bystander. Yes, the LNIII mythological statements are coming back!
If the offense fumbles the ball inside the opposing 10 yd line and the defense returns it for a TD: Go into fetal position and cry yourself to sleep
Since the game comes on at 10:30 am here on the left coast, there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll be in a Jameson induced coma before noon!