So let me get this straight, the vaunted SEC – already over-valued in ways not seen since the stock market of a week ago – is supposed to be up for grabs this season, and one of the teams expected to do a lot of grabbing is South Carolina? The same South Carolina that wakes up every morning wondering if its presumed starting QB is in the clink for yet another drinking-related arrest? The same South Carolina that went 9-5 last year? Oh, excuse me, I’m supposed to jump in here and point out that this Gamecocks squad, lead by “The Ole’ Ball Coach” won 9 games IN THE ESSSS EEEEE SEEEE YEEEE HAWWW HARRUMPH PBBBSSSSTTTT!!!!!111. F that. The only thing the SEC truly does much better than the rest of the BCS conferences is marketing, so don’t let anyone tell you that the 5 losses that were mounted against the 2010 ‘Cocks serve as proof of how tough the SEC is. It’s just proof that they ran into fully 5 teams that were better than them in 2010 despite having perhaps the most explosive running back in the country. So why should we expect any different in 2011? Who cares, really, if they are major contenders for a conference championship? Lots of conferences have mediocre teams for conference champions. Just ask the Big 10 or the ACC on any given season. There’s just no way a team that lost their conference title game by nearly 40 points gets to start the next season in the my top 20.
Really the only reason I’ll even pick South Carolina to stand among the 25 best teams in the country is their beast of a running back, Marcus Lattimore. Oh sure, their highly talented wide receiver, Alshon Jeffrey serves as a lovely complement to the hell beast Lattimore, who I’m convinced eats man-children for breakfast on game day, but ultimately that’s all Alshon is: a side-show to the main, horrific, mesmerizing beast. Some of Lattimore’s better stiff-arms would be less gruesome if he’d simply extended titanium claws from his fists and stabbed opposing defenders thru the heart. He’s awesome, and, in my book, good for 10 spots up my 2011 CFB rankings. Yep, that’s how little I think of the rest of the ‘Cocks.
Further, trust me on this: Spurrier’s officially “too old for this $#1t.” Look at him. He’s like that wily old uncle who, in his younger years, helped provide some of your fondest memories, but today, when he runs into you at a gathering after 5 years without seeing each other, he hardly recognizes you, and, really, you hardly recognize him. He’s spent. So the ‘Cocks get absolutely no bounce from having Spurrier on salary and, really, they’er lucky it doesn’t count against them. Much.
Still, we must get back to talking about Lattimore. If he lives up to the hype that we’re all too willing to help develop, we reserve the right to boost the Gamecocks right on up into the top 15 at the end of the year. Last year he tallied nearly 1200 yards on the ground and opponents’ heads and/or torsos. This year he’s actually expected to do even more damage, and we believe the only thing that can stop him is, say, a total let-down of a QB who just can’t seem to stop finding ways to infuriate his old coot of a head coach.
Up next, let’s find out who PootND is so eager to name as the 22nd best team in the country right after he realizes I stole his idea and put them in at 23…
…
23. South Carolina (DMQ)
24. Ohio State (Biscuit)
25. Arizona State (PootND)
- Friday Roundup: That Was Fast Edition - December 14, 2018
- Ian Book Is Smokey and the Bandit - December 12, 2018
- Don’t Call It A Comeback - December 10, 2018
trey
Congratulations, you missed your one & only chance to give the Chippewas some much-needed love.
The Biscuit
Not at all. He’ll put them top 15
kyndfan
5 straight titles(legit or not) allows the sec to say they are the toughest conference. That said, the cocks benefited from a down division last year and are not top 20 material.
Is anyone else happy to see Devine get a statue?