It’s the people that make me hate college football. And by “people,” I mean everyone. They ruin an otherwise entertaining exercise of tactics, strategy, and athletic competition. Between the college “kids” who are freaking 18-22 years old and should know better than to do some of the stupid things they do, and the coaches who get paid in ways that would make Goldman Sachs employees blush to do things that would make members of the Russian Mafia shake their heads, the people involved in this sport are intolerable. Still, there exists no living entity in this sport more repugnant, more pathetic, and more deserving of mass extinguishment via meteor collision than the fans. And there is simply no period of time during the college football calendar year worse for college football fans’ resumes than “crunch time” at the end of a recruiting year; a time apparently viewed by many vocal fans as a time to shine like wet dog feces in the sun. God damn, I freaking hate the fans.
There are fans who celebrate that one of their coveted recruits didn’t manage to qualify for a competing program. There are the fans who friend recruits on Facebook. There are the fans who declare that a new coach’s leash is a lot shorter with them now that a kid they didn’t approve has gleefully accepted a scholarship offer to fulfill a dream. There are fans who speak of “cohorts” and stars as though the future of a kid can be determined via those pieces of information with any level of success. There are fans who speak in outrage over recruiting and depth chart decisions without being able to so much as muster the ability to create an informed opinion on their nation’s politics. And there are fans who will demolish a recruit from one side of their mouth while trying to maintain their “classy” reps with faux shows of support from the other side.
And then there are probably the worst fans of all: The fans who take the pride they hold in their college football programs to levels that the bible has warned us about. The sort of pride that makes you fully understand why it’s a cardinal sin; because it’s flipping annoying, and anyone who would willingly be that annoying to the rest of the human population probably should do some time in hell.
To watch massive numbers of presumably grown people go into moralistic conniption fits that nearly threaten their imperfect balance on their high horses over who gets what offers – what the hell does that have to do with a moral plane anyway? – is just maddening. How the hell will humanity ever figure out… anything?
And save me your “pot, kettle” retorts and you what little wit you may possess if you disagree. I get it. I’m probably a part of the problem by hosting this site. Believe me, I’m considering what to do about it. But frankly, there are much larger, much more popular sites that are wrought with myopia and mental fumbles that would make stroke victims feel pitty, and so long as they’re around, until we find a better way, we may as well use whatever opportunity we have to point out their absurd lapses of critical thinking and the ugliness of their thoughts.
God damned people.