It’s late on Friday night. I’m watching Leno. Russell Crowe is the guest. So I thought, “Hey, I’ll do a Bogies on the Radar with an ‘If they were a Russell Crowe character’ twist!” Problem is, despite all of his characters being quite different, they’re all still Russell Crowe.
And so instead, you get the bland version…
Georgia Tech – (6-2): After having really disappointed the ND faithful who’d hoped for a “quality win” by losing badly to Clemson, it looked like the Theory of Chan Gailye Equilibrium, long held by EDSBS, was in full gear. But then they went and handled Miami, not that handling Miami is difficult for anyone, but hey, I’m still looking for that quality win.
Penn State – (6-3): After really putting on a show, beating Purdue 12-0, that’s right, I said twelve, they prepare to take on Wisconsin. Did I ever tell you that I don’t actually believe in Wisconsin? Long story. Anyway, A win here would really help that tricky Strength of Schedule element in the BCS ratings that we all know isn’t technically used in the BCS ratings. Technically.
Michigan – (9-0): Looking more and more human the longer Mario Manningham is out, ND fans are wishing we could play them again. Frankly, without a Mario Manningham at 100%, it wont matter how good that defensive front seven may be. Still, that’s a few weeks off. Right now, id doesn’t matter if that front seven drank all night tonight, gave blood in the morning, and skipped breakfast. They’re still playing Ball State.
MSU – (4-5): While it might be nice to get a quality win out of Purdue, the fact that John Elsmith has officially been redacted from the program might be the little purple pill that MSU has needed to rid itself of the Schizo Blues. So I’m calling it right now, this will be the most consistent game of MSU’s season. MSU – 80/Purdue – 20.
Purdue – (5-4): Like Notre Dame, they’re playing a team with a lame duck coach this weekend. Either Notre Dame or Purdue will lose this trap game. Any takers on which team that might be?
Stanford – (0-8): Walt Harris has done the impossible. He’s made the Stanford alums long for the days of Ty Willingham. It’s mind boggling that this is the same Walt Harris that was such a pain in the ass for the Irish when he was at Pitt. And this weekend, they get to play USC. That’s 8 and 1 and just lost their first regular season game in a long time USC. I hope the scoreboard goes to 3 digits, because this is gonna be like the popular dude fucking the girl that just can’t help herself after he got ditched by the head cheerleader for a college guy.
UCLA – (4-4): We can hear Jesse Jackson’s interns compiling the data now as Karl Dorrell looks to become on of America’s ex-black D1 college head coaches. It’s unfortunate. We really like the guy and really believe he could be an excellent coach. We’d also like to know why UCLA actually stops watching basketball long enough to fire the guy. Here’s to hoping for a quick start to the Bruin Basketball season! Anyway, they’re heading back to Cal-i this weekend to become 4-5 and start wondering if they can become bowl elligible.
Navy – (5-3): Nobody expected them to win last weekend except for themselves. Always a shame to see guys let themselves down. Luckily for them, nobody else is disappointed. They have Duke this weekend. This could well be the game that breaks every rushing record ever known to mankind in any sport by a single team. USC’s just a bunch of angry young men accustomed to winning. Navy is a bunch of angry young men accustomed to winning, sick of losing to ND, and filled with military training. May God have mercy on Duke’s soul.
North Carolina – (1-7): They come into Notre Dame tomorrow as a team with nothing to lose, nothing to gain, really, and a national television audience. I will be completely disappointed if I don’t see them a new play called the “quadruple reverse lateral option half back pass hook and ladder fumblerooskie.” ND by 40.
Airforce – (4-4): I just got done watching them put a spanking on Army, and while they are only batting .500, I keep thinking, “they took Tennessee to the wire.” Watch out for these guys. They’ll be at home against us. It’ll be their Super Bowl. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
Army – (3-7): See above. Army hasn’t been very good for a long time, but how long will they put up with a team that looks sloppy? I wonder, what’s the record for an ND coach “calling off the dogs?” Middle of 2nd quarter? How soon will Weis have to call off the dogs here?
Southern Cal – (8-1): These guys are walking around like drunk, angry jocks that just got shown up by the class nerd and lost their girlfriends. Testosterone is coursing thru their veins. If they don’t take it out on someone, they’re gonna explode. This week, they explode all over Stanford. Walt Harris will be so glad he’s wearing his shades.
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