I had a whole series of suggestions for appropriate (and more realistic) welcoming signs. But, as usual, my wisdom was neither sought nor appreciated by the current administration. When they retire you, they take away your keys and your clout. So I thought I’d share my preferred welcome signs with all of you here.

Imagine these written in blue script on a gold signboard. In fact, imagine these written in that awful, awful wedding-invitation-script that they’re using on the Shamrock Series uniforms:

The Struggle May Not Be Real,

But Parietals Are.

Your Mother Can’t Stay With You,

But OUR MOTHER Will Never Leave You.

The Notre Dame Trail Ends Here.

The Notre Dame Trial Begins Here.

This May Be Your First Year,

But You’ll Always Be Freshmen

To Me.

We Don’t Control The Weather,

But We Do Control

EVERYTHING ELSE.

Welcome, Probationary Alumni!

Now Leaving South Bend, Indiana,

And Entering Notre Dame, Indiana.

Do Not Make That Mistake Again.

Stay Off The Grass,

Don’t Feed The Leprechaun,

Fear The Squirrels.

Dorms On The Edge Of Campus

Have Amenities.

Dorms Closer To The Main Building

Have “Character.”

Welcome To MY World.

EFS CSC

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And I auction.

Here it is folks, the annual auction to benefit the general scholarship fund. This year we have a killer slate of killer tickets to get your charitable juices flowing. Per usual it’s a silent auction with the winning bid getting the tickets and the profits going to ND. Win Win and (hopefully) WIN! Especially over the Skunkbears and the Trees, which are the two games we have this year.

So, here are the rules.

1. Bid as many times as you like, but only your highest bid will count.
2. Bid the TOTAL amount you’ll pay for both tickets combined. We’ll add a $15 fee to cover signature-required fedex delivery from Sunny Southern California.
3. You can bid on both games. You can win both games. Or none, if you’re a cheap-o.
4. Minimum bid is $200 per ticket for Michigan, and $125 per ticket for Stanford. So don’t bid below $400 for Michigan (hint: they’ll go for a lot more than that so probably go higher). And don’t bid below $250 for a pair or $500 for the 4 to Stanford. We gotta give some $ to the kids ya’ll!
5. You can bid for:
-Two (2) to Michigan
-Two (2) to Stanford
-Four (4) to Stanford
(Note: If we have a tie, we will give the Stanford tickets to whomever bid for 4, or whomever bid first. So bid for all four and make life easy okay!??!?!)
5. Auction is live for 1 week from Today, Wednesday August 1st through midnight PST Wednesday August 8th. GET YOUR BID IN EARLY.

To bid!

Click on THIS LINK HEEEYAH to fill in the information. We need your name, email address, physical address and phone number. If you skip ANY OF THESE you will not be able to submit your bid. We need to know which game, 2 or 4 tickets (for Stanford) and your bid. That’s it. SOOOOOO easy. But we have to ensure you’re legit and we can get in touch. Payment will be via PayPal (preferred) or check (boooooo) and I will personally Fedex the tickets once we receive payment.

THE GAMES!

Season Opener Against the Skunkbears!

OH HOW IT PAINS ME TO AUCTION THESE. But it’s for the greater good, so I’m doing it. These are two (2!) seats together in section 22, about midway up. I’m keeping the exact seating info clandestine for various reasons, including my anonymity. So yeah, they’re good seats. And it’s against the SKUNKBEARS ARE YOU KIDDING ME MUST DESTROY!?!!!!?!?!##@

Bid now, big bid.

The Tree!

Second game is against the dreaded Cardinl. Blah, Cardinal! So lame. A color for a mascot. TREE!

We have 4 tickets together to this game, all section 23, also about midway up. You can bid for two, or all four. I greatly prefer all 4 so yeah, please do that.

That’s it folks. Time is a-ticking and you deserve to see an epic game and these kids deserve scholarships so GET TO THE BIDDING!

Thanks all and GOOOOOOOOOOO IRISH!

-Biscuit

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Personal Supplies

– Shower Caddy: This better not mean a fellow who carries your soap into the scrub room with you. Come to think of it, how much are you taking to bathe, such that you need a carrying basket. Soap and shampoo can be handled manually; and if you are thinking of bringing a thing called a luffa or a pouf, don’t – they look filthy and probably should be incorporated into parietals somehow.
– Shower Shoes: Unless your hall is carpeted with rusty nails and razor blades, just walk into and out of the bathroom. If you’re worried about contracting some sort of foot fungus, perform a community service and carry a bottle of bleach with you for a quick washdown of the shower floor. In that case, you may have a toiletry basket; but don’t confuse the shampoo and the bleach.

When this was a strong and proud institution of life-lesson-learning, none of these items was necessary. We just marched the lads down to the lake, shoved them in, and threw bars of lard soap at them. We hung towels in the trees and went back to work. Later, if there was an extra towel left…we said prayers…and maybe got out the shovels.

– Quarters (for laundry): I’ve seen those machines that eat coins in exchange for returning a pile of wet clothes – by which I mean the dryers. If you intend to bring quarters for your laundry, pack an extra steamer trunk full of them so you can cover your first two weeks. Said machines are not what we would call…hmmm…economical or efficient. I’m no accountant, but I would suggest bringing paper money and converting it to coinage once arrived on campus – call me old fashioned. But do bring at least one roll of quarters, should you be choosing to visit some of South Bend’s finer public houses and boozing kens. Not for purchases, for packing a proper punch.

– Personal Hygiene Items: Absolutely. August and September are sultry, jungle-ish months. The University magazine may have a column called “Seen and Heard,” but no one here wants material for one called “Smelt.”

– School Supplies: Really? We’re going to specify a shower caddy and shower shoes, but then just throw in there a vague ‘school supplies’? Are we a university or a beauty parlor?

– Laptop/Cellphone and Chargers: No idea. I sincerely hope, barring birth accident or catastrophic injury, everyone has a lap with a top (and sides and a bottom for that matter). Telephones of any sort are an occasion of sin for college students; the kind that have cells could eventually develop tissues and organs, and then we’re back into including them in parietals.

Organizing Your Room

– Pillows/Pillow Cases – Bed Sheets: We used to provide these. The pillows were good for sleeping upon, and holding the door open in a stiff breeze. The sheets not only covered the bed, but served as highly effective exfoliating and depilatory aids – hence no need for a shower caddy when going to the washroom.

– Comforter/Blankets: If we actually have to tell an incoming freshman to bring a blanket, refund his deposit because we’ve made a terrible mistake. Furthermore, the Comforter is the Holy Spirit – you don’t bring him to Notre Dame, He brings you to Notre Dame.

– Basic Cleaning Supplies: This would only apply to my loyal daughters. Lads, don’t bother bringing them, because I know you’ll never use them (though you could barter them to your sister dorm for beer money).

– Masking Tape for Posters: Again, is this an essential detail? If I’m a new student reading this, I’m more interested in whether I have living quarters or a broom closet. Besides which, we sell a whole variety of lamps on campus – I’m pretty sure tape and all sorts of adhesives can be found locally.

– Fan: Notre Dame attracts 80,000 fans six times a Fall like moths to a flame. We’ve got this covered.

Check with Roommates

Here are listed: mini-fridge, television, stereo, video game systems, carpet (how the hell heck does that fit with the previous items), furniture/futons, and stackable crates. You know, that stuff. We’ll specify masking tape over sellotape, and insist on shower caddies and night lights, but when it comes to food storage, seating, and floor-coverings apparently anything goes. And who needs that other kind of tape – measuring tape.

Do Not Bring

– Microwaves, Hot Plates, Toasters, Coffee Pots: Anything that makes fire. Wish I had thought of creating this rule in 1878.

– Air Conditioners: You must learn that, thanks to the Original Sin of our parents Adam and Eve, there is injustice in the world. Some of you will be given air conditioning; some will live in halls “with character.” Cancer happens, too – this is your first lesson in an unfair world.

– Nails: Only the maintenance department may have these…and centurions (but they only get three).

– Candles, Incense: You don’t have to bring them because we’ve got plenty at Sacred Heart and the Grotto. You just have to visit – repeatedly.

– Hoverboards: We don’t allow these nifty gadgets that magically coast along the roadways and spontaneously burst into flame. So give them as a going-away gift to your friends, especially if they are soon to enroll at Texas, Michigan State, Miami, USC, BC, FSU, Michigan…

EFS CSC

One essential item for all students coming to campus is Padre’s book –  Father Sorin Says: The Founder Comments on Today’s Notre Dame. But you don’t have to bring it – the book is available in the Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore and from the industrious women-warriors at Amazon (that’s who works there, right?)

The post Good Fridays w/Padre: Bring It! (or not) appeared first on Her Loyal Sons.

Molly won four national championships in her senior year: 2015 NCAA Outdoor 10,000 meters, 2015 NCAA Cross Country 6k, 2016 NCAA Indoor 3,000 meters, and 2016 NCAA Indoor 5,000 meters. She also managed a 3.54 cumulative GPA and became just the third Notre Dame female track and field athlete to take first team All-American honors.

In other Notre Dame news, the University will host forty athletics administrators from China. The month-long course of instruction on athletics-program administration is the result of an agreement signed on June 7 between Notre Dame and the Federation of University Sports of China a/k/a FUSC. FUSC was founded in 1975 and is kinda sorta China’s equivalent to the NCAA. Again, the name of the group is F.U.S.C.

Notre Dame, as host, is set to provide lectures and instruction on every facet of athletics-department operation, from sports nutrition to digital media. Translators will be on hand to facilitate the engagement and visits to NCAA headquarters and Wrigley Field are part of the itinerary as well.

Finally, another Irish Molly, this one 2006 graduate Molly Huddle, lit up the 10,000 meter final at the U.S. Olympic Track & Field Team Trials in Oregon on July 2. Molly’s time was 31:41.62 and was the top time in the event. She goes for a second ticket to Rio on July 10 when she should compete in the 5,000 meter final. Molly Huddle competed for her country at the London games and finished 11th in the 10,000 meters.

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