After having a fun podcast with the Rakes Report, our hype train may have a temporary derailment. Earlier today (Tuesday, 8/26 depending on when you read this), Tim Prister broke the news that Kevin Austin’s double-secret-probation will last for the entire 2019 season instead of just an expected four games.
The obvious question for some time has been “what in the world did Austin do?!” Tim confirmed that the University has imposed this punishment, meaning he hasn’t necessarily broken any team rules. Typically, blame shifts to academics in these situations, but Tim confirmed in his article that Austin turned in a strong spring semester and he’s still enrolled at the University (which, I should mention, is the silver lining in this whole thing).
So what in the world happened?
To dig into this further, I tapped into my sources (HLS staff chat), and tried to figure out just where Austin may have run afoul of duLac, Notre Dame’s student life guidebook.
Here are the completely serious, absolutely probable, and definitely not jokes made tongue-in-check to poke fun at our beloved University (among other things):
- Took too many items from the dining hall
- Too many trips to North Dining Hall instead of the superior South Dining Hall
- Late to Hall Mass
- Neglected to leave behind donation at the Grotto
- Snuck meat into dining hall on a Lenten Friday
- Possession of a John U. Bacon book
- Confusion over the “Keep Austin Weird” campaign
- Violated parietals
- Mistakenly reported to this Culver at the beginning of fall camp
- In the same room as a 15% ABV bottle of wine
- Possession of a George Foreman Grill in dorm room
- Failure to file proper social gathering paperwork
- Caught feeding a campus squirrel
- Posted flyers in dorm without proper student government approval stamp
- Ordered Papa John’s during Louisville week
Whatever happened form the above absolutely possible situations, the only thing for certain is that we will never know for sure. Notre Dame remains steadfast in protecting the privacy of their students, including any disciplinary issues and actions.
So beyond the rumors and innuendo, the only certainty is that it’s time for the next man in.