So, uh, surprise! The Elite Eight voting has closed. Believe me when I say that it was a surprise for me as well because coordination between Irish Elvis and I is completely optional.
Anyways, let’s not bury the lede here and let you know who our Final Four combatants are. When will voting close this time? Who knows?!
Neck Pillow Region – #1 @SlipperyFox10
Finke’s glorious tweet is, probably to no one’s surprise, had the best run of the entire tourney. The closest call was in the Round of 32 in which Finke “only” won by a margin of 24.
Yeah, it’s been a bloodbath.
But that’s to be expected when you have the lethal combination of a tweet by a ND player featuring other ND players and topped off by a perfect Photoshop job in proportion, size, and even shadow.
You’d almost feel sorry for whoever goes up against this juggernaut…
Briefcase Region – #8 @ND_Phil
Will @ND_Phil be the one to stop Finke’s domination?!
You could say this #8 seed had a favorable draw to this point. The Briefcase region was immediately thrown into chaos with the only 16-seed upset in the bracket from @bridgetgoirish, which @ND_Phil held off by just 9.
But from that point on…dominance. The creator of this tournament insanity, Irish Elvis saw his 13-seed set on fire worse than a Love-less Cotton Bowl secondary in a 44-9 beatdown. In the Elite Eight, @ND_Phil showed it was no fluke, taking out @MarkNDFan in a 45-17 blowout.
This historical masterpiece may just be the ticket to sailing past Finke. I mean, who doesn’t love America? Who doesn’t love the thought of BK gracefully and calmly dropping the deuces as America fought tooth and nail to give us the freedom of football, Photoshop, living in the online hell of Twitter, and dumbass blog tournaments?
Oh, final note: @ND_Phil tagged Finke in the original tweet. THIS WAS DESTINY.
Dark Socks Region – #12 @bridgetgoirish
You’ve probably uploaded her designs as your Twitter and Facebook cover photos. You may have even bought some sweet merch that she’s designed. You may have even stolen her design, registered a domain the same day, and then sold your design as her own.
If that impressive very online resume isn’t enough, @bridgetgoirish can now add “lowest seed to make the Final Four.”
This #12 proved to be
set up as a complete unfair troll criminally under-seeded by Irish Elvis the committee when she destroyed @AlDogg44 and several other ND Athletics Communications employees in a 57-6 spanking that made somehow got Lane Kiffin fired on a tarmac all over again.
Bridget then viciously murdered one of her favorite podcasts (non-HLS division), Jessica Smetana & Charlotte Wilder of Sports Illustrated’s Most Valuable Podcast 42-12. And folks, did she hesitate, did she have pity?!
Bridget then took the toughest path by taking out a 2-seed and then a 1-seed in 31-21 and 33-28 matchups.
Can her Twitter perfection of drunj ND Twitter friends making just enough room for a BK Photoshop that they never planned have enough stamina for another round?!
Sunglasses Region – #1 @1stDownMoses
@1stDownMoses is the second #1 seed to chalk through their region; however, our favorite tweeting statue had by far the most interesting run.
@1stDownMoses had to first hold off a potential 16-seed upset against..
…@1stDownMoses in a 32-31 thriller.
Next, he took on my podcasting co-host @SupermanTDJesus 32-19 and then moved on to face…
*checks notes again*
…uh…@SupermanTDJesus in a 38-14 Sweet Sixteen beatdown.
Finally, in the Elite Eight he defated…hang on a second…
*checks notes thrice*
Seriously, what in the actual Jim-Harbaugh-won’t-eat-chicken-because-it’s-a-scared-bird kinda bullshit is this?! He had to beat himself and then an HLS staff member three times in a row?!
I mean, people have gotten their kids into Southern Cal doing less corrupt shit than this. Athletes from North Carolina have more valid degrees than this whole region. This is more ridiculous than every football player being granted a hardship transfer waiver simply because their name isn’t Alohi Gilman. I’ve seen more integrity out of Hugh Freeze. The SEC called and they’d like their ranking bias back.
What a damn joke.
Please vote below!
And the live bracket to keep up with the scores (or head here):