Actually, no, never mind, ignore that line, Urban.
Go, go go. Gently. Quietly. Silently. Now. It’s time. Seriously, dude, go. Go already. WHAT’S HAPPENING GO!!!!!
Urban has let down his players, the sport, his duty, and his own humanity. Move along, you will not be missed. Let’s focus on a few of the biggest ways Urban tainted a sport that gave him everything:
First, there’s the arrests.
Just a few highlights from his Top arrests at Florida. From 2009…
Jamar Hornsby throws a dude onto the hood of a car during a fight and gets a misdemeanor property damage and criminal mischief charge. No punishment for this one from Urban. Later in his UF career, his best friend’s girlfriend dies and he helps him clear her things out of her apartment. Awwww, what a nice guy! Wait, wait…because THEN, Jamar goes around using her credit card for a few months, charging up 70 different things on a dead girl’s credit card. That’s a felony, along with misdemeanor larceny of a credit card. And, really, it’s just evil. Urban brings in guys with great character I tell you, GREAT character. Jamar got booted from the team.
Ronnie Wilson. Ronnie Wilson. Wow. Wilson got busted for aggravated assault, battery and use of/display of a concealed weapon during commission of a felony when he busted out his AK-FREAKING-47 in the middle of a fight. Yes, AK-47 folks. Wilson was suspended from the team for the 2007 season. Wow! Urban takes a stand, right? Right? Ah, nope. Because Wilson was ALLOWED BACK ON THE TEAM NEXT SEASON. Seriously. For real. Then, shockingly, he got busted for marijuana possession and a count of battery and a count of assault. And after all that, he was finally permanently kicked off the team.
Urban recruited, enabled, and protected criminals. Almost 20 arrests, including Firing AK-47s. It was a disgrace, for years, especially at Florida.
Second, Urban Lied.
A lot. All the time.
He lied about telling recruits that God told him the player should join his team. He lied about where Tim Tebow was going to play (linebacker, righhhhhht). He lied about his dream job being ND. He lied about what he knew when and what happened to his texts. He lied about everything. Did you know that Urban Meyer invented the Spread Offense? He didn’t? Could’ve fooled me. Now I don’t know if he ever said that, but if he did, he lied about it.
Third, and by far the worst…
He covered up for a woman abuser, and then lied about his lies and coverups.
This is not funny, I cannot and will not joke about it. And the example he set, and the actions he took in order to protect himself and his job over a woman being abused? Ugh, I can’t even handle it. Completely disgusting.
So yes, Urban, go, go gently into that good night. I wish you no ill will, no ill health, just that you never ever have the opportunity to poison young mens’ minds with your warped sense of what’s right and wrong.
Goodbye, Urban. Good Riddance.
Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out! (But I hope it does. F. Off.)
Don't take me, yourself, or life so seriously. This is supposed to be fun.
Biscuit co-founded HerLoyalSons in partnership with his ND roommate (Dillon Hall baby!), MQ, in 2006 and has been ranting about ND Football and everything Notre Dame since. He strongly believes in the mission of ND and its football program. Biscuit expects logic and data in arguments and will absolutely crush you if you come to a debate missing one or the other. He despises everything Michigan, and his favorite pastime is mocking Purdue.