In high school, our coaches had this little conditioning drill they called “County Fair.” Essentially it was made up of a number of idiotic and embarrassing maneuvers designed to make one puke or die of asthmatic attack – whichever came first. The lucky ones died. We ran it until the coaches were satisfied. Players puking and/or dying:My Head Coach::Tiny Powdered Donuts:Rosie O’Donnell.
Ostensibly, “County Fair” was meant to get the players into shape for the remainder of 2 weeks of 2-a-day practices in the heat of August in South Carolina, but we weren’t stupid. We knew the truth. County Fair was designed to punish all of us who decided to prowl the boardwalks each night looking for Yankee tartlets who were out and about looking for trouble and an opportunity to make their golfing, no-attention-paying fathers angry rather than study up on the proper position of a 3 technique when the opponent was showing broken bone.
Anyway, with nary a prayer of winning the 2006/2007 Edition of the Her Loyal Sons Experts’ Picks contest, I’ve decided to either kill off the competition or make them puke with my own version of County Fair. That’s right, folks. Simply picking the winner and the total score isn’t good enough for the bowl games. It’s the post-season, dammit! And we all know that the post-season is different! It’s what counts!
Thus, by 12pm Sunday, December 31st, the Experts of the Experts’s Picks contest must supply me with the following:
- A list of the 10 Starting QBs in the 5 BCS games, in order of total passing yards, highest to lowest. Each correctly listed QB will earn the Expert 20 points. Each incorrect QB will lose the Expert 20 points.
- A list of the 5 winning teams in the 5 BCS bowl games and each bowl game’s total score (as we’ve done in the regular season). Each correct winning team earns 20 points. Each incorrect team loses 20 points. Total Score points will work in our usual system.
- A list of 5 running backs. Any running backs from any BCS team. Hell, pick all 4 of LSU’s running backs and Darius Walker if you want. List these running backs in order of total number of carries (highest to lowest). Each correctly listed RB will earn 20 points. Each incorrect RB will lost 20 points.
- The name of 1 wide receiver – your pick for most receiving yards in a BCS game. Right = 50 points.
- The name of 1 defensive player – your pick for most tackles in a BCS game. Right = 50 points.
- The name of one kicker – your pick for most total points by a kicker in a BCS game. (This could include a kicker scoring a TD on a fake kick) Right = 50 points.
- The name of one kick returner – your pick for most total return yards in a BCS game. Right = 50 points.
That should either kill someone, make them puke, or cause a few of my competitors to lose interest and allow me to move up in the rankings because they neglect to send me their picks. Muwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
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