Mark Foley: Thinks that John. L. Smith. should coach Stanford. Shady Pines Rehab Clinic - Both having long histories of bizarre and sometimes subhuman behavior, Stanford and John. L. Smith. are considering making public, tearful appologies, thanking their friends, loved ones, and God for standing by them in their time of need, and then checking themselves into rehab for non-specific "addictions" which can then be blamed for their transgressions. Insiders report that both the Stanford Band ...
Things That Suck
Auburn Gameplan Stolen: HLS Identifies Perp
Apparently a laptop containing the Auburn offensive gameplan was stolen from the team hotel while everyone was celebrating their "beating" of South Carolina. The laptop is valued at - get this - $15,000...I'm guessing the rep that sold that machine made a $13,000 "commission" on the sale. Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville had this to say about the incident: “The police identified him as looking like somebody that they see around the mall all the time,†Tuberville said. “It had nothing ...
T.O. Spat out of Hell by Devil
HELL--The Devil, tired of dealing with "a bunch of jerks," refused entrance to his Dark Kingdom to controversial Cowboys' wide receiver Terrell Owens. "No way. F@#$ that guy," the Devil said after Owens tried to kill himself Tuesday night by overdosing on painkillers. "He's so full of himself! God, what a douche," the Devil said, while feasting on the entrails of a serial rapist. Any takers down there? No? Owens, afraid that the spotlight had shifted slightly off center from his ...
I Feel A Disturbance In The Force…
Re-verify our range to target... one ping only. Well, I knew my joy over the Jason Whitlock firing could only last a short while. I just learned today that Mitch "I Can Hear You Thinking About Me" Albom (a.k.a. Sonar) has a blog. Yup, the net is now infected. Time to update the ole' anti-virus software. And true to form, the guy's first ever post makes an effort to temper the excitement of Notre Dame fans for the Irish ...
Michigan Sports Talk = Comedy Geniuses
The House That Rock Built has posted a clip of Michigan sports talk show, Sports Inferno, where the host literally melts down on the air (pulls an MSU?). Highly entertaining and quite sad at the same time. I mean the guy name drops TEDDY FREAKING RUXPIN!! Be sure to listen all the way until the end my friends...you couldn't write stuff this good if you tried. Doesn't meltdown. ...
There Is A God, And He Wants Me To Be Happy
Sure, the headline could apply to our miracle come-from-behind-oh-my-God-does-John-Elsmith-suck-at-coaching-look-at-him-cry! win at MSU, but actually, there's bigger news this week... Huge news, in fact. Every week, it seems more and more likely that I can once again watch ESPN without going into some spastic fit induced by moron talking-heads, the overkill of onomatopoeia in play-by-play, and columnists with less actual sports knowledge than my dog posing as "sports journalists." Jason ...
Smith Calls Weis Liar, Shields Self with Protective Rune
EAST LANSING---Michigan State Spartan football coach John L. Smith snarled as he forced the media to watch the play for the twenty third time before his Monday press conference. "You see? You see? No one slaps Weis! No one! No one is even close!" Smith sprang from his chair excitedly, "His head moves back and to the left! Back and to the left! Back and to the left! My players are all right-handed!" The play which riled up the diminutive Smith occurred last Saturday in the Spartans' ...
Saturday Football Broadcast Ads…
Here's what I've learned today from the advertising on college football broadcasts... Cadillac: It's cool to be old. Dr. Pepper: Can you really live in a world where you're fatter than Mike Golic? GM: We're finally building those flying cars from Back to the Future 2. Desperate Housewives: Being slutty is fun! Apple: Even we can't take the stupid out of glowsticks. Hummers: Make you look fat. Ruby Tuesday's: Uh, yeah. You're sure to love that all-you-can-eat salad with your ...
Harvard Head Coach has No Sense of Humor
I wont try to be funny with this post. It may upset Harvard's Head Coach. So does Keegan Toci apparently.. ...
HLS Drops Ball, Fails to Mock Clarett
COLUMBUS, OHIO---It has been more than four days since former Ohio State running back and future ESPN studio analyst Maurice Clarett pled guilty to aggravated robbery and carrying a concealed weapon, the punishment for which will be at least three and a half years in prison. Yet at the internet site, Her Loyal Sons, which covers college football from a Notre Dame viewpoint, not a single article about Clarett could be found. Model citizen Maurice Clarett shows off his new uniform. "Well, I ...