A Notre Dame Football Blog
What an unexpected year! No one should have been surprised that 2016 followed 2015; but the manner in which it followed was surprising: Not so much as night follows day, but more as a troop of rabid baboons follows the tourist who went to relieve himself behind the bushes and missed the bus back to the safari lodge, all while having his pockets stuffed full of beef jerky and hard candies. The Fighting Irish 4-8: We began the 2016 season ranked tenth and widely expected to vie for a place in ...
I haven’t had to perform too many theological gymnastics in order to accept that we start this year’s Football March to Victory on a Sunday. Yes, it is The Lord’s Day. But you can go to Mass on Saturday evening and it still counts. The Lord is just happy to see you, and He appreciates that you stopped in for a visit. Besides, we don’t take the Bible literally. If we did, there would be a lot of eyes plucked out for looking at filthy images (like USC and Alabama playing with each other), and a ...
Last weekend was that big football game which millions ignore to watch everything else that goes on around it. A lot of defense was played and a quarterback of mature years seemingly concluded his career on a high note. One of the several occurrences that people found more interesting than the game itself was the press conference during which the defeated quarterback was laconic, surly, and dismissive before dismissing himself from the press conference. I’m told this fellow attended no fewer ...
Dear Playoff Selection Cabal Committee: I lodged a complaint with you last year when you began this sinister manipulation of the national treasure that is the venerable college football tradition. You fared somewhat well with your collusory scheme in your first attempt, though I suspect this had more to do with the sort of benighted luck visited upon a broken analogue clock that succeeds in telling accurate time in two minutes out of the 24-hour day. With this year’s shambolic farce, though, ...
There’s been a lot of talk in the last few days about the debate among the candidates who want to be President. I was President and I didn’t have to debate anybody for the position – I just had to buy the land, build the buildings, bring in students, burn it down, start over…you know, those sort of things. When I retired, I became Superior General so I could give the President orders. I highly recommend this course of action to those seeking higher office. The only debate I had while I was ...
Like the icicle that starts to form at the corner of the roof, it slowly grows until it’s a heavy, sharp, pointed thing that will impale you without warning. It was fascinating to behold at one time, but it became a lethal sculpture that plunged through the window and left your room cold and wet. This icicle is a metaphor for a Very Bad Idea, and many of them are forming at this time of year. Not surprising that an athletic conference, the source and summit of bad ideas, is the water ...
Now that the bowl season has finally come to a close, the stats that matter have finally come out: attendance and TV ratings. While my tongue is certainly planted in my cheek right now, I certainly recognize that the expansive bowl season, now totaling 39 games and featuring 76 teams (that's 59.4% of the FBS if you're keeping score), is all business. And while we've certainly heard that teams lose money going to these games, there is evidence that said loss could very well be an exercise in ...
So the Freemasons have won. Or the Illuminati, Rosicrucians, Elders of the Priory of Sion – let’s just call them the E-lders of the S-ion P-riory freemasoNs. They and their Rodent Overlord enjoy a complete victory; they have taken over college football and forced the creation of the playoff system that they have long wanted, and will long broadcast, for lots of money. I mourn the passing of an era. Gone are the days when the leading teams from regional affiliations of colleges would compete ...
Beginning in 2014, a playoff selection committee will determine which four college football teams play for the national title. Some are skeptical of the committee, so we -- the Elvii of college football -- have joined together to present our weekly playoff nominations. We call it the T.C.B. Poll. ...
It was the best of seasons, it was the worst of seasons; it was a game of touchdowns, it was a game of turnovers; it was the inspiration for belief, it was the cause of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the autumn of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had a playoff berth before us, we had a second-tier bowl before us; we were in Heaven on earth, we were in a cold, wet Stadium of defeat. Since 1887, we’ve had worse seasons, but few as ...