This roundup will feature just one article, not because the article itself is all that important, but because after the article is a tidbit that just devastates us. See, a few days ago we noticed that Miami (Fl) was floating the idea of a neutral-site game between the Irish and the Hurricanes. And despite the possibility of some sort of interaction with a drug cartel or hostage-taking revolutionaries, we’re all for it. Nay, we’re absolutely psyched about it. But then John Heisler, said this:
“Our understanding from the ACC is that their member schools are not permitted to participate unless they can retain the television rights, and that’s not really what the format is,” John Heisler, Notre Dame’s senior associate athletic director for media and broadcast relations, said Thursday. “Our intention was for us to retain the television rights, and in effect, they’re already part of our NBC agreement.”
What the hell? Why is Heisler commenting on this without rock-solid information? “Our understanding?” What? That’s what people say in weekly status meetings when they spent the last week screwing around on message boards and haven’t accomplished anything. “Our understanding was that we were supposed to wait until…” It’ll almost always get followed up with, “There was a miscommunication, and now it’s too late…”
This shows such a lack of interest in actually figuring out how to make something like an Irish/Hurricane game happen that we’re devoting the roundup entirely to phrases we can imagine Heisler uttering in day-to-day life. I stress, this is just stuff we’re imagining.
- “I can’t eat my pizza. I’ve no napkins, and it’s my understanding that the napkins are way down the hall in the kitchen.”
- “I can’t find my destination. I could consult this map, but it’s my understanding that I’d have to put my bag down to unfold the map.”
- “I can’t drink my beer. Every time I pour a beer, all this foam comes to the top of the glass, and I can’t get to the beer.”
- “I’m out of clothes. It’s my understanding that all of the clothes I have are dirty.”
- “I can’t use my computer. When I try to do something, it asks me to enter my password. It’s my understanding that I’d have to enter my password.”
- “My pencil is dull, and there’s only one pencil sharpener in the office – and as I understand it, not one of those electric sharpeners.”
- “I’ve cut my finger off, and the only way to save it is to go all the way down to the ER. As I understand it, those ERs are very busy sometimes.”
- “That ball is going to hit me in the head unless I catch it. As I understand it, my arms are very tired.”
- HLS Tweets for the Week of 2009-11-15 - November 15, 2009
- HLS Tweets for the Week of 2009-11-08 - November 8, 2009
- HLS Tweets for the Week of 2009-11-01 - November 1, 2009
OC Domer
Very strong. Nice work.
trey
I wonder if the aftershock of the Kevin White regime is still in effect here?
“I can no longer watch my television, because it is in the best interests of my ever enlarging behind to terminate this relationship for the sake of all parties involved.”
“We have mutually agreed to not go on a date tonight.”
“I cannot forsee a circumstance where I would be able to use the toilet. It is my understanding that you have to flush the thing.”
The Biscuit
Heisler is saying that because he’s not the AD, so he can’t speak like an AD on this topic. And that’s what he should’ve said: I can’t comment on this. Instead, he hemmed, hummed, hoed and hawed and said pretty much nothing. If the next AD is for it, he/she can make it happen. It’s called doing a deal. But Heisler isn’t the right person to ask, comment or decide.
BigE
That was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the great laugh at the end of a long week.