January 31, 2008

Irish Illustrated Strikes Again

As you’ve no doubt heard, Irish Illustrated is reporting that Jon Tenuta is joining the ND Football coaching staff. I’m not going to link to them. They’ve really ticked me off. This is just another example of Irish Illustrated being unable to act with any sense of responsibility to the program that essentially makes it possible for them to exist as a business. There’s still not 100% confirmation from any ND officials that this is happening. If it is, in fact, happening, there area many reasons why Notre Dame and Charlie Weis haven’t announced it yet: perhaps they wanted to let the players know first, they probably wanted to make sure the recruits knew about it and were comfortable, they certainly wanted to do background checks and prepare for such a big announcement. Maybe they just didn’t want to give the Urban Meyers of the world a little more reason to be calling Irish commits. So why on earth Irish Illustrated couldn’t see fit to keep their big yaps shut is beyond me.

Here’s a little hint to Irish Illustrated: We knew, or at least heard about this, days ago. And we’re just a few guys with professions completely outside the sports journalism world. How pathetic is that, II? You’ve probably spent a full day hurriedly pursuing a “lead,” and developing your “sources” for this “story.” We sat around, watched a little American Gladiator, and someone e-mailed it to us. But we decided not to post anything about it because A) it’s still only rumor and B) the program that we care about wanted to wait on announcing it. But that’s cool. If you want to go stomping on the feet of those who make it possible to garner your wages, feel free. I’ve never subscribed to Irish Illustrated. I suggest all other Irish fans follow my lead. If you really want a service that can give you great information and does their business with some sense of honor, then there are far better choices out there for Notre Dame football fans.

To say I’m surprised that II did this would be wrong. I figured if we knew about it, others did too. I was mostly just waiting to see which site decided to break with it rather than just keeping quiet and letting ND announce things on their own schedule. II is the same site, of course, that managed to put a wrench in the recruiting works of 2007 with their little depth-chart-engineering stunt/article, scaring the bejesus out of certain recruits. To assume that those in charge of Irish Illustrated are fans of Notre Dame would be foolish.

No word yet on if Irish Illustrated’s loose lips have managed to put holes in the 2008 Irish Recruiting Barge, but what was looking like a final recruiting week with few downsides and lots of potential upside just got a lot shakier. Way to go Irish Illustrated. Nobody likes you.



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September 11, 2007

Pat Forde, Your Credibilty is Deader than Bo Schembechler

I tried telling myself, at the start of the season, that if and when things got a little dicey for Notre Dame, and the vultures started lining up to feast on the resulting carcasses like so many past office-mates with the promise of birthday cake, I would not take umbrage. I would not react. But then Notre Dame went 0-2 and Washington, coached by Tyrone Willingham, went 2-0.

That last sentence just took me 4 minutes to type. I kept writing, “Notre Dame went 2-0 and Washington, coached by absolutely nobody, went 0-2.” Amazing what muscle memory will do.

Anyway, Pat “Gonzo” Forde of ESPN has taken a shot, and, well, I’m reacting. But why do I react? Is it because I want him to know the truth and the flaws in his column. No. I actually couldn’t care less about what he thinks. I write up what is to follow because the ND fanbase is so large, and so diverse, that, despite our heroic efforts here at HLS to spread truth and wisdom, there may still be some ND fans that don’t know the truth, and are thus unprepared to defend themselves against the inevitable onslaught of so many e-mails including links to Forde’s work with clever subject lines like, “Take That Notre Dame,” sent from coworkers and or “friends” that didn’t actually finish a degree at University of Wherever 65% of My High School Class Attended, but still cheer for them anyway.

With that said, you, as Notre Dame Fans, are to simply read this if you feel the inclination and then keep the knowledge and reasoning in your back pocket, ready to defend yourself when need be. As with Judo, the truth is a powerful thing, and using it simply to smite your friends for fun and profit is, well, fun and profitable, but also irresponsible. So do not, under any circumstances, read the source material of Forde’s column (from espn.com). Also do not e-mail him, trying to win some battle of the minds. You can’t win a battle in which he will not play. Simply read below, absorb, contribute any points of fact/knowledge/wisdom you possess that I miss in the comments, and then go about your day a little more prepared for the future.

Let’s begin. Bold is mine (Except in the case of his cute little name highlighting). More…

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September 6, 2007

AP Poll Goes All Stupid… er.

The AP Poll just announced that they’ll allow “lower-division schools,” meaning non-D1 schools, meaning App State, to be voted into their Top 25 College Football Poll.

This is mind bogglingly stupid on a level usually reserved for contestants of Big Brother. Let’s consider this new, improbable, but not impossible scenario for a moment…

App State, riding the wave of excitement over the biggest upset in football history, gets voted into next week’s AP Top 25. Michigan, now fully pissed and a bit more focused, goes on a tear and wins the rest of their scheduled games. And let’s say at the end of the season that their exists only 1 undefeated BCS eligible team, and, say, one other 1-loss, BCS eligible team. Whereas, with the old voting rules, there was no chance that Michigan would get into the BCS National Championship game because every person with a brain would just have to see that they lost to a freaking 1-AA team, now any thinking person must contend with Michigan apologists who will contend, “But Michigan simply lost an early season game in a close contest with a Top 25 team!”

Sure, the AP isn’t part of the BCS formula, but suddenly you’ve got a real problem on your hands. And you can be sure this world is full of enough idiots that, should the perfect storm occur, there will be people fighting for Michigan’s “right” to be in the BCS NC game.

And why would the AP do this? They’re already, essentially, irrelevant under the current BCS system. Why now make it possible that teams that have no reasonable place in a Top 25 ranking get voted into your poll? You wish to be a joke along with being irrelevant?

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May 30, 2007

Dennis Dodd Just Making Stuff Up At This Point

We know it’s slow during the offseason, but that doesn’t give Dennis Dodd of CBSSportsline.com any excuses for the piece of fecal matter he’s published on their site (fecal matter gets no link here (unless you count self-referential links, of course)).  Then again, if we’re looking for things that need an excuse, just about everything Dodd has ever done in his entire life needs an excuse of some sort.

Anyway, here’s what Dennis has pulled out of his “hat,” and by “hat” we mean “butt.”  Bold text is my commentary.

As momentous occasions go, it’s not exactly the season finale of 24. In fact, you might just want to go ahead and TiVo it.

Uh, I believe Heroes proved that the season finale of 24 isn’t even the season finale of 24 anymore, Dodd.

The significance of Wednesday’s announcement at Notre Dame won’t be felt until the fall at the earliest, and maybe not even then. But this being ND, half the world will be salivating while the other half will be hating. So Charlie Weis might as well make an event out of it.

Media will be alerted. There might even be a press conference.

The Irish coach is not naming his starting quarterback in May. Nothing like that. Having taken a reasonable time to analyze the situation (39 days since the end of spring practice), he will merely cut the list of candidates from four to two.

Actually, Charlie’s never officially said he would make an announcement today (Wednesday).  He just said it may be sometime at the end of this month.  Stop going to the interns for facts, Dodd.

We’re here to spare you the suspense.

How?  You don’t know shit, Lebowski Dodd.

Freshman Jimmy Clausen and sophomore Demetrius Jones will compete for the job come August. You may now go back to your iPods and barbecue pits.

Where on earth did you come up with this, Dodd?  Seriously.  You may be right, but only by guessing.  It’s my guess too, but the “whispers” to which I listen to (and which are probably much more connected to the program than your “whispers”) are starting to place some doubt in my head - at least about one of the two.

Now onward with the juicy particulars.

Alert!  “Juicy Particulars” is a term used to subconsciously indicate that this is a piece written for the enjoyment of morons/ND haters.

Clausen didn’t grace Notre Dame with his prep All-America talent and enroll a semester early just to be a backup. But Jones didn’t sit around for a year — he didn’t see the field as a freshman — just to back up a prep All-American.

Uh, I’m pretty sure no D1 level talent ever recruited to play football in the history of D1 football has ever gone to a school looking forward to sitting on the bench and playing backup, Dodd.  Way to be insightful, Dodd.  Hey, I hear Christopher Columbus didn’t go sailing just to shipwreck and drown.  Have you heard anything illuminating about that, Dennis?

Let the hostilities begin. [Hostilities?  Competition is now synonymous with “hostility” now, Dennis?  Can we start calling terrorists “big competitors” now, Dennis?] Sorry, junior Evan Sharpley and sophomore Zach Frazer. Here’s some lovely parting gifts. No, really. A transfer might be in order for one of you. You might want to stick around for a while, though, if only to have club seats to the drama. This Clausen-Jones thing could get good. [It could.  It could also be incredibly boring. Know what else could have gotten really good, but turned out to be boring, Dennis?  Spiderman 3.]
More…

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January 15, 2007

Jon Wilner of the Mercury News Should Consider A Trade School… (Edited with an angry word at the end.)

…Because this whole Journalism thing just isn’t working out.

Jon Wilner wouldn’t know a fact if it beat him within an inch of his life with a lead pipe. And as a result, he’s turned in this piece of detritus as his latest hack job. No link for Jon. The bold words are mine:

Why does Weis get a golden pass?

By Jon Wilner
Mercury News Staff Columnist

It has been more than a week since Notre Dame got hammered by Louisiana State in the Sugar Bowl, more than a month since it got whipped by USC, almost four months since it got waxed by Michigan and just over a year since it got thumped by Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl.

So why hasn’t Irish Coach Charlie Weis been fired?

Why, at the very least, isn’t his job in jeopardy?

After all, Tyrone Willingham’s poor performance in big games got him fired after three seasons in South Bend. Weis is 0-4 in big games in the past 54 weeks. Shouldn’t he be held to the same standard?

Because Willingham wasn’t fired for his losses in big games. Or, at least, not just for his big losses in big games. His losses to teams like Purdue, Boston College, BYU, etc… hurt Willingham more. The losses to elite teams hurt, but the losses to the supporting cast of characters on the stage of college football damn a program to irrelevance.

The Irish couldn’t possibly be treating the white coach differently . . .

Before we go there, let’s review the facts:

Willingham became the first black coach in Notre Dame history in any sport when he left Stanford for South Bend after the 2001 season.

Willingham was the first Notre Dame football coach to be fired before his first contract expired — in his case, after three years.

Willingham was not fired because of the team’s off-field performance. The players stayed out of trouble and did well in the classroom.

Willingham was not fired because of his record (21-15), which was better than the three-year marks of two predecessors, Gerry Faust and Bob Davie. Both of them were brought back for a fourth season — and a fifth.

Actually, Willingham was fired for his record. The bar isn’t set at Gerry Faust and Bob Davie. God help us if any program were to set the bar at Bob Davie. Willingham knew the score. And if he didn’t, that’s his fault. ND wasn’t just going to say, “ooh, that whole Bob Davie era? Forget it. We’ll just pretend it didn’t happen.” Willingham needed to win and win immediately and then keep on winning. He failed.

No, the Irish needed a reason they could justify, and it was this: Willingham’s teams were not competitive in big games.

According to who? What official announcement claims as much?

Notre Dame’s president and athletic director opposed the dismissal, but members of the board of trustees made it happen — perhaps because they didn’t like the performances in big games but more likely because Willingham wasn’t a Notre Dame guy and because Urban Meyer was available. (Yes, the same Urban Meyer who just won the national title with Florida.)

Now here we are, two years into Weis’ tenure. No question, he’s a terrific offensive coach, and he has a better record through two seasons (19-6) than Willingham (15-10). But again: Willingham, who’s now at Washington, wasn’t fired by Notre Dame because of his record. He was fired because of bad losses in big games.

You keep saying that, but I see you don’t use any supporting evidence.

Interesting that you bring up the 2-year records of Weis and Willingham. Weis has 19 victories in 25 games. How long did it take Willingham to garner 19 wins at ND? 31. It took 31 games for Willingham to win 19, and that’s after he won his first 10 in 12. So he only garnered 9 wins in the next 19.

Tell me, Jon, do you really think the comparison is apt considering Weis only needs 2 more wins to match Willinghams benchmark, and Weis has only coached for 2 seasons thus far? Further, do you really think Weis will enable you to compare records any more after next season? Even with the loss of so many “big names” after this past season, do you really think Weis will only win 2 games in his third season?

In the past 54 weeks, Weis has four of them:

Ohio State 34, Notre Dame 20.

Michigan 47, Notre Dame 21.

USC 44, Notre Dame 24.

LSU 41, Notre Dame 14.

I probably don’t need to point out to Jon that 2 of these “big games” were brought about by virtue of the fact that Weis got the team into 2 BCS games in his first two seasons. Even with the “hot start” that Willingham had, he didn’t reach a single BCS game. Didn’t even sniff one his 2nd and 3rd year.

Applying the same standard to Weis that was applied to Willingham, Weis’ job should be in jeopardy. Instead, he’s the golden boy under the Golden Dome, owner of a huge contract, beloved by fans and trustees alike.

But not, apparently, by a former Irish coach.

Warning: Wilner’s using Bob Davie to support his points. It’s sort of like using Attila the Hun to support Manifest Destiny.

“When you lose to Michigan, you lose to USC and you lose to LSU in a bowl game by a significant score, there will be ramifications from that for Charlie Weis,” Davie told ESPN radio, according to the Chicago Tribune.

“I think the shine is off, to be quite honest. I know going around the country talking to football coaches, particularly head coaches, I think a little bit of the mystique is definitely off.”

Pretty strong stuff. But Davie wasn’t finished.

“It’s hard to say Notre Dame improved this year with probably the No. 1 player in the NFL draft, (quarterback) Brady Quinn, with (receiver) Jeff Samardzija, with potentially five first-round NFL draft picks,” Davie said. “I don’t think they’re as good a team as they were last year. On defense they continued to go backwards.

“Notre Dame has had two successful seasons, two BCS bowl games in a row, but I think it’s hard to say that the program is really going in a positive direction right now.”

Everyone ok? Good. Moving on…

So, why isn’t Weis at least on the warm seat? Because, Notre Dame supporters say, he doesn’t have the players to compete with the USCs and LSUs — he still has Willingham’s recruits.

But that argument reeks of hypocrisy.

Actually, it’s because to any serious observer of the sport, it’s clear that Charlie Weis can and will do what’s necessary to win. Willingham wouldn’t know much about that. You don’t learn a lot about successful recruiting when you’re out on the golf course.

Further, time to let the “Willingham’s Players” myth die. It’s almost impossible to say Weis is winning with Willingham’s players on a metaphysical level. For one, there are almost no “Willingham Players” on the team. He did such a rotten job of recruiting not only quality, but simple quantity that his recruiting product is largely heavy with players from the Brady Quinn class. And heck, don’t even get me started with how Willingham recruited Quinn. He didn’t. Ndukwe’s father essentially recruited him. Shark was a largely unnoticed recruit from a town just down the road from ND. How hard could it have been to recruit him? And by the way, why didn’t Willingham ever play Shark? Was it a white/black thing?

The Irish didn’t cut Willingham any slack because he had Davie’s recruits. And the players Davie left for Willingham were not as good as the players Willingham left for Weis, starting with Quinn. We’ll see how the next few drafts turn out, but I’d bet the ‘06 Irish have more upperclass talent than the ‘04-05 Irish.

Only because Weis coached them up to their potential. Willingham wouldn’t have a clue about that. He wouldn’t have a clue about coaching anyone up to anything, really. Ever watch the guy at practice? He acts kind of like he acted in games, except he says less.

Why the apparent double-standard? I don’t think Willingham was treated differently by Notre Dame because he is black. I think he was treated differently by Notre Dame because he was different, and being black was not an insignificant part of that difference.

He was treated differently because ND’s supporters didn’t want to go thru 2 more years of mediocrity (to put it kindly). Granted, he paid for the sins of Davie, but he knew that going in, or he should have. Shame on him for his own naivety if he didn’t.

Willingham wasn’t a Notre Dame guy. He didn’t go to school there, had no ties to South Bend and, with his reserved personality, wasn’t the type to make boosters and trustees feel comfortable and important — to make them feel like the head coach was one of them.

Ask boosters and trustees how much time Weis spends hobnobbing. Answer: Very little. His job is to coach football. He understands that and so does ND. Willingham thought his job was to sneak onto the ND golf course without signing in so that his bosses would have no idea of all the time he spent working on his short game rather than recruiting.

Weis is one of them. He’s a white guy who went to Notre Dame.

You’re right. He’s white and he attended ND. Yay. What’s the point?

ND doesn’t demand that you attended ND in order to be part of the family. Ask the millions of Subway Alumni. You just have to be willing to be part of the family. Neither Willingham nor Davie were ever willing to do that.

Look, I’m not saying Weis should be fired this winter; he deserves another year. But if the Irish get pounded by Michigan and USC again next season and all is still swell with Weis, then Notre Dame could have an enormous public relations problem on its hands.

Only if you make it so, Jon. And if yo do, you’ll be setting your “cause” back yet again because you’re picking battles that just aren’t there. But seriously, consider trade school. I’m sure you have talents, but, like Willingham, you just haven’t figured out what they may be.

Further:  The more I think about this, the more it ticks me off.  The Civil Rights movement is far too important and far too valuable to this country to put up with some little snot like Jon Wilner and his efforts to trivialize it with straw-man arguments within the relatively unimportant context of college football.   I do not know the history of Jon Wilner, and after today I don’t particularly care to know.  However, I do know that Jon should really re-examine his life and his values.  He took a precious piece of American history and made a mockery of it, especially in releasing this piece of trash on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  Shame on him, and may karma and God judge him and treat him accordingly.  It’s well within his rights as (I presume) an American citizen to act like a complete idiot for all the world to see, but it’s a measure of a man’s character in whether or not he chooses to do so.

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January 5, 2007

Jay Mariotti Has Heart Attack, Doesn’t Die. World Mourns.

At least one good thing almost came from the Sugar Bowl.
Thanks for the heads up, FLP.

Karma just missed him. This time.

Editor’s Note: You may have noticed that I’ve edited this post. Hey, I have a softer side. That and I don’t feel like mocking a dozen posts by people who kid themselves into thinking they’d never wish death on anyone, even people that deserve it like Hitler, Bin Laden, and Jay Mariotti. (Thanks, HLS Legal Team, for the guidance.) Screw you guys.

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December 11, 2006

Pete Fiutak writes words, completes sentences, embarrasses self, family.

I think Pete Fiutak was being earnest when he wrote what I’m about to share with you. Stupid, naive, pathetic, whiny, childish, hella-lame, but earnest. So we’re gonna link to his “work” right here.

Bold = mine. Now, onto his “work”:

This is not an anti-Brady Quinn or Notre Dame-hating rant. This is a why-the-awards-are-occasionally-a-fat-load-of-nothing beef. Ok. Good ’nuff for me. It’s Christmas. I’ll trust in the human spirit.
The Unitas Award is supposed to go to the best senior quarterback in America, while the Maxwell Award is supposed to go to the college football player of the year. Wow. Real facts. Not a bad start, Pete!
Each award has now been rendered irrelevant and meaningless after Quinn won them both. Uh oh! Danger Will Robinson! I feel a baseless and asinine commentary coming on!
Why was Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith the winner of the Heisman Trophy by one of the largest margins ever? Media Hype.
Why did Quinn fall to third in the Heisman race behind Darren McFadden and Smith? Media Hype Loves Itself a “Hot Story.”
It’s because Smith was, unquestionably, 2006’s signature college football player. Really? How? (Oops. I just questioned it.) Quinn will be the first pick in the NFL draft, but that has absolutely nothing to do with college football awards. Indeed.
If you want to argue that McFadden was the best player in the nation, you’d be wrong, but I’d listen. If you want to say Hawaii’s Colt Brennan was the nation’s best quarterback because of his numbers, you could at least make a case. But for Quinn to win not just the player of the year, but the best senior quarterback honor is wrong and embarrassing. Again, why?
The numbers were certainly nice, and Quinn was brilliant in comebacks against Michigan State and UCLA, but in Notre Dame’s two big games of the year against Michigan and USC, Quinn didn’t lead his team to wins, and wasn’t even close. Smith finished the season fourth in the nation in passing efficiency while Quinn was 14th. Ah. A stat! And a convenient one! Way to build up your argument, Pete!
Come on, voters, be smarter, and better than that. What’s that line about tree-trunk/eye/splinter/your-own-self?

Ok. I’ll take it all back. Pete’s not earnest. I will, however, stick to my guns that he is: Stupid, naive, pathetic, whiny, childish, hella-lame. He’s also a no-talent turd-breather. As such. I’m removing his link. He works for Fox Sports. Fox should seriously think about changing that.

And just for the fun of it, let’s compare the last, oh, 10 year history of the awards involved in Pete’s latest “work” for which he’s actually paid:

  Unitas Maxwell Heisman
1996 Danny Wuerffel Danny Wuerffel Danny Wuerffel
1997 Peyton Manning Peyton Manning Charles Woodson
1998 Cade McNown Ricky Williams Ricky Williams
1999 Chris Redman Ron Dayne Ron Dayne
2000 Chris Weinke Drew Brees Chris Weinke
2001 David Carr Ken Dorsey Eric Crouch
2002 Carson Palmer Larry Johnson Carson Palmer
2003 Eli Manning Eli Manning Jason White
2004 Jason White Jason White Matt Leinart
2005 Matt Leinart Vince Young Reggie Bush

Wait a minute. Just looking back 10 years, we see that in 1997, Pete’s logic holds that these awards were “rendered irrelevant and meaningless.” At the very least, how can Manning be the best according to Maxwell is Heisman says it’s Woodson? It’s as if these awards are voted on by totally different groups of people! How could that be? And wait! What the hell happened in 2001? 3 different winners!? No! That’s can’t be! That just cannot be!

Hmm. Maybe Pete just got excited that he learned some new “big boy words” like “irrelevant” and “rendered.”

Anyway, Pete, if you have kids, put them up for adoption. Anyone this stupid is about as qualified to raise children as a mentally damaged cocker spaniel. Think of the kids, Pete. It’s not too late for them!

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December 10, 2006

Rick Morrissey: I Am Soooooo Jealous of My Dog

You know how dogs can bend over and just start licking their balls? That’s what Rick Morrissey wishes he could do. Because if he did, he would, because he’s so into himself that A) He feels he deserves a good licking and B) He feels that only he is worthy of licking his balls.  It just occurred to me that I write this making one massive presumption: Rick Morrissey has any balls.
Anyway, Mr. “Love Me Some Me Long Time,” has a problem with Notre Dame. And he decided to show it by having a temper-tantrum in the style of the kid who always smelled a little like Campbell’s Chicken and Stars and never got the real Transformers for Christmas. In fact, his temper tantrum had a Christmas theme as he placed said tantrum right in the middle of his “Christmas Wish List.” Rick, you fool, Santa only brings gifts to all of God’s children, and God decided to hate you a long, long time ago to balance out the universe. Your self love is just that strong. [No Linking for HeWhoWouldTasteHimself of the Tribe Narcissusucky]

Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn: Somehow, you won the Maxwell Award over Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith. That’s gift enough.

Troy Smith: A recount.

Maxwell Award voters: Official membership in the Notre Dame glee club.

Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis: A bowl victory for the Irish followed by the irresistible urge to make this statement on national TV: “I couldn’t have done it without me.”

Vegetarians: Peas on Earth.

Rick, you write with a style that would bring shame to 4th graders who get separated from the rest of class for the English “module.” “Peas on Earth,” Rick? You get paid for that? It’s like getting paid for breathing, except it requires less creativity. Here’s my Christmas wish for you, Rick: That you have a wonderful and merry Christmas, and that someone, somewhere finds a way, despite you, to love you. Because love is what the world just doesn’t have enough of. And someone actually managing to love you would be a sure sign that God exists and He can make anything happen.

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