The HLS Totally Non-Homer Top 25 – Week 5: Does It Really Matter After 1 and 2?

We were tempted to throw Duke in here just because, after 1 and 2, can it really be said that any of the remaining 23 are playing “exceptional football?” Can you really look at any other teams and say, with great confidence that they’d beat the 94 other teams not getting ranked (so long as they avoid committing 16 penalties)? I can’t.

Here’s what I’d like to do:

1. LSU
2. Southern Cal
3. Everybody Else

But I can’t, so…

1. LSU
2. Southern Cal
3. Ohio State
4. BC
5. Wisconsin
6. Cal
7. Kentucky
8. South Florida
9. Florida
10. Georgia
11. Oregon
12. Hawaii
13. Arizona State
14. Cincinnati
15. Clemson
16. Virginia
17. Oklahoma
18. VaTech
19. West Virginia
20. Texas
21. Missouri
22. South Carolina
23. Purdue
24. Nebraska
25. Michigan State

Notes: Essentially #s 3-25 are ranked based on record alone, which is lame because any one of these teams could be indicted for fraud once you take a glimpse at their schedules. Most if not all of these so called “elite” teams have already managed 2-3 cupcake games. Debates about causation versus correlation are sure to follow.

Having South Florida anywhere in a top 10 should be reason for disconnection from the internets. We just don’t know what the heck else to do. “They stand among the top of the Big East! They deserve it!” some will cry. But that’s not actually true. UConn is atop the Big East right now, with a 5-0 overall record and a 1-0 league record. So that logic doesn’t really hold. Why isn’t UConn in our top 25? Because we ran out of room. Yes, South Florida is playing good ball. They beat a “top team” in West Virginia in an excellent display of “how to score only 21 points even when your opponent turns the ball over 6 times.” Wow. Impressive. Hey, maybe you could go beat the crap out of a dead karate master for your next trick.

Last weekend really ruined any groundwork that the first 4 weeks of the season laid. We’re pretty much back to square one at this point, and we’ll just have to wait and see what the next month brings before anyone could truly say who belongs in the top 25.

This is what happens when all of the conferences start playing well or they all start tossing around in a pool of mediocrity. We’re left nearly directionless.

I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that Purdue doesn’t belong in there, but they are 5-0, so…

The HLS Totally Non-Homer Top 25 – Week 2: “Don’t Blame Me” Edition

Somehow our voters couldn’t see it in their hearts to completely wipe Auburn off the face of our Top 25 this week, despite the fact that they lost to a commuter school. Don’t blame me, if I could have cast negative votes in Tommy Tuberville’s direction, I would have. As good as it was to see Michigan (sucks!) lose, I have a special place in my heart for Auburn/Tuberville themed schadenfreude.

Rank	Team
1	LSU
2	Southern Cal
3	Oklahoma
4	Florida
5	WVU
6	Texas
7	UCLA
8	Cal
9	Rutgers
10	Ohio State
11	GaTech
12	Wisconsin
13	VaTech
14	Penn State
15	Boston Freaking College
16	Texas A&M
17	Clemson
18	Tennessee
19	TCU
20	Georgia
21	Arkansas
22	Louisville
23	South Carolina
24	Auburn
25	Nebraska

Also Receiving Votes: Oregon, Oklahoma State

Notes: We have a new #1 this week. I usually laugh at the notion that a college team could beat a pro team, but I’d take LSU against the Cleveland Browns, at least until Quinn starts. And after the show LSU put on last week, we can’t see leaving USC as #1 (despite a tie in votes) considering they stayed home and ate cheeseburgers last week. Oklahoma also managed to tie LSU and USC for votes, but we’re giving LSU the edge because a smack down on VaTech is, at present, more impressive than a smack down on Miami. And we give SoCal the edge over Oklahoma because dropping the Trojans down 2 spots for staying home seems a bit much.

Clearly we must really think Michigan sucks, because the Ducks’ absolute torching of Michigan (sucks!) wasn’t enough to get Oregon to crack the top 10. As I said above, Auburn is, somehow, still hanging on.

And note what happens when you give up 30+ points to Middle Tennessee State, Louisville. You don’t get to pose as a Top-15 team.

Also of note, we didn’t go and instantly throw Penn State into the Top 10 after the ND game. I don’t think we’re all really sold on Morelli.

The HLS Totally Non-Homer Top 25 – Week 1

Well, we’ve got 1 full weekend of college football in the books. And 3 of the 4 HLS pollsters have submitted ballots. If the 4th pulls one together, this may change a bit, but I suspect this is a pretty set order.

1. Southern Cal
2. WVU
3. Florida
4. Texas
5. LSU
6. Cal
7. Oklahoma
8. UCLA
9. Georgia
10. Wisconsin
11. Ohio State
12. Penn State
13. Rutgers
14. Georgia Tech
15. Virginia Tech
16. Louisville
17. Auburn
18. Boston Freaking College
19. TCU
20. Clemson
21. Arkansas
22. Oregon State
23. Texas A&M
24. Tennessee
25. Nebraska

Also receiving votes: Oklahoma State, South Carolina, Boise State, Oregon, Miami, Hawaii, and, somehow, Michigan.

Notes: Yeah, SoCal didn’t actually look like the best team ever, ever, ever, but they didn’t give any reason to knock them either. VaTech, however, didn’t exactly look like they were going to be world beaters against ECU. We were apparently all very impressed with Georgia Tech last week. I wonder why. Nebraska makes an appearance in the poll. Maybe they’re what bounced up when Michigan eventually splattered all over the floor after their free-fall out of our and just about everyone else’s top 25s. Clemson also jumps into our T25. They may be that good, or FSU may be that bad. We’re not sure. What we do know is that they’ve got C.J. Spiller, and nobody else does. Also, none of us voted for ND. Hey, we’re “Her Loyal Sons,” but this is the HLS Totally Non-Homer Poll. Hopefully, come next week, we can feel less guilty about our poll.

The HLS Totally Non-Homer Top 25 – Preseason Edition: #1 – Southern Cal

You had to see it coming, right? I mean, it only makes sense now that people at ESPN or some other MSM locale are comparing the Poodle to Rockne.

Last year, SoCal was merely good. Very good, yes, but still only good. They weren’t quite the same as the 2005 edition of “the greatest team ever, ever, ever,” but they were still damned good. And while the offensive firepower dropped from 49.1 points a game to 30, the defense started to become the beast that the Poodle had envisioned in so many of his dreams. I can just see the little guy dreaming now. Kicking his hind legs out. Must think he’s chasing a squirrel. And this year, returning 10 starters on defense, the talking heads on ESPN may reverse from their previous discussions of “how many will USC score today?” to “How few will USC allow?” They’re going to be awesome on D.

Offense: John David Booty returns, but he finds himself short 2 NFL caliber wide receivers. Of course, they’ve got a stable of 29 28 27 26 highly regarded running backs to take the heat off of him. They’ve also got guys like Sam Baker on the OL ready to provide plenty of protection, just like a Trojan should.

Defense: Speed. There were times last year when the SoCal defense was so fast that I was sure they were playing with an extra man, and now they’re almost all back for another year. Not only will they be fast this year, but they’ll really know where to go. They’ve got one of college football’s best D Lines, probably the best Linebacking Corps in the country, and, lemme see here, ah, yes, probably the best defensive back field in the country too. Good grief.

Special Teams: Pete Carroll (a girl’s name, ha!) once had Reggie Bush returning kicks, and he still only managed a mediocre performance of the art. If there’s one weakness, it’s here. With all the talent on the roster, it should be so, but we get a feeling that the Poodle would rather joke about suicide than spend much time working on the Punt Team.

Facts:

• Southern Cal has defeated Notre Dame 5 straight years. 4 of those 5 times, the wins were by a margin of 20+ points.
• 10 returning starters on defense makes for the most returning defensive starters any SoCal team has had in 20 years.
• SoCal’s loss to UCLA was also the first time in 63 games that the Trojans scored fewer than 20 points.

HLS Top 25 Meta:

• Highest spot on a HLS Ballot: 1
• Lowest spot on a HLS Ballot: 3
• Average ranking on HLS Ballots: 1.5

Why Alex Trebek Loves Them:

• The winner of the 2007 College Jeopardy Championship was a UCLA student, despite the tournament taking place on SoCal turf.

Around the Web:

• Trojan Wire
• Boi from Troy

HLS Tracker 10 Forecast Technology Says:

Until October 20th, there’s no reason to think that SoCal will be anything but unbeaten. Nebraska on September 15th? Please. That game last year was not “close.” Callahan played not to lose too badly.

But come October 20th, a new era shall be heralded in. Men will cheer, women will swoon, children will cry with joy in their hearts. Because on October 20th, it all starts to fall apart for the Boys from Troy, and their incessant songs and cheers will be snuffed out forever. Stone.

Editor’s Note: Whew. I can’t believe how painful that was. Fun, but painful. I’m not sure I ever want to do it again. Maybe from now on we’ll just tell you who’s #1-25 and feel no compulsion to explain our intelligent reasoning.

I’d intended to so a synopsis of all 25 teams, but time is short, and the pilots don’t really wait around for me at the gate like they once did, back when I had all that power. All that money… So just click on the tag for this post if you want to see the rest. It may or may not be worth it. I’m going to let it all sink in before I decide. That’s how you have to approach these things. It’s like a fine wine, or a Farrelly Brothers movie.

Now let’s go see some G-D Football!

The HLS Totally Non-Homer Top 25 – Preseason Edition: #2 – Texas

By the time I got around to writing the top 5 of the HLSTNHT25-PE, I stopped reading as much Phil Steel and started going more by memory because the programs are pretty well known commodities.  But now I’m at #2 and I’m back to paging thru Phil’s work, trying to commit plagiarisms provide you with anything useful because, well, they’re pretty unknown to me.  All I know is that they should be good this year.  Very good.

And how’s that work, exactly?  After all, they did lose to KSU and Texas A&M in back-to-back games to finish the season.  And then they barely got past Iowa in a bowl game.  I didn’t even realize Iowa had earned a bowl game last year!

Maybe it’s just the fact that they have their pick of the most fertile recruiting ground in the world that causes our over-enthusiastic #2 ranking.

Offense:  They get back a healthier and more seasoned Colt McCoy at QB.  They’ve got a young RB that averaged 7.4 yards/carry last year.  That’s not bad.  Not bad at all.  And they get back a lot of experience at receiver while giving up a lot of experience at the OL.

Defense:  After giving up just 18.3 points a game last year, they lose about half their manpower.  Good news: They get back all of their guys at linebacker.  And they’ll be standing behind one of the best DLs in the country (allowed 61.2 rush yds/game).

Special Teams: VaTech gets all the special teams hype, but have they blocked at least 4 punts in each of the last 6 seasons?  Have they?  I dunno.  I don’t have that information.  If you know, feel free to let us know.

Facts:

• The ‘Horns get back 13 starters this year.
• Last year’s offense averaged 35.9 points per game.  Pretty good until you realize that’s a 2TD drop off from the previous year.
• Before Mack Brown took over, Texas had only 3 winning seasons in the previous 7.

HLS Top 25 Meta:

• Highest spot on a HLS Ballot: 1
• Lowest spot on a HLS Ballot: 4
• Average ranking on HLS Ballots: 2.5

Why Alex Trebek Loves Them:

• The Eyes of Texas is sung after every Texas sporting event, whether it’s swimming, golf, or badminton.

Around the Web:

• Burnt Orange Nation
  
• Long Horn Nation

HLS Tracker 10 Forecast Technology Says:

The Horns find themselves in that delectable position of being in a one-mighty conference that pollsters often forget ain’t no longer so mighty.  As a result, they can go a cream a bunch of non-cons, then beat up on the rather sorry members of their conference, and it all looks pretty good while it’s happening.  They don’t run into Oklahoma until late in the year, so expect a lot of NC talk until at least then.