Friday Roundup: The “Unchecked Aggression” Edition

November 29, 2013 by 3 Comments

Scene: Bowling alley.

NDtex, Bayou Irish, and Irish Elvis are all on the same lane shooting a practice round. Elvis is at the line while Tex has recounted a story of how a large tree branch from an elm tree feel on a fence in his backyard, pissed that the damage isn’t severe enough to even cover his deductible. Elvis, unaware of the story at hand, rolls a strike…

Elvis: WHOOO! I’m throwin’ rocks tonight! Mark it, Tex.

Completely unaware, Bayou continues the conversation with Tex…

This Roundup is based on a true story. Stupid trees.

This Roundup is based on a true story. Stupid trees.

Bayou: So this was uh…

Tex: Yeah, man, it really tied the backyard together.

Bayou: So this was a valued, uh…

Elvis: What tied the yard together, Tex?

Tex: My fence.

Bayou: Where you listening to Tex’s story, Elvis?

Tex: Bayou…

Elvis: Huh?

Bayou: Where you listening to Tex’s story?

Elvis: I was bowling…

Bayou: So you have no frame of reference here, Elvis. You’re like a child that wonders in to the middle of a movie and want’s to know–

Tex: Bayou, Bayou–what’s your point?

Bayou: There’s no reason–here’s the point, Tex–there’s no fucking reason–

Elvis: Yeah, Bayou what’s your point?

Bayou: Huh?!

Tex: Bayou, what is the point?! Look, we all know what is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?

Bayou: HUH?! NO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU–I’M NOT…we’re talking about unchecked aggression here, Tex…

Elvis: What the fuck is he talking about?

Tex: My fence.

Bayou: Forget it, Elvis, you’re out of your element!

Tex: Bayou, the branch that fell on my fence–I can’t go give it a bill! So what the fuck are you talking about?!

Bayou: What the fuck are you talking about?! The tree branch is not the issue here, Tex! I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand here, Tex. Across this line, YOU DO NOT PASS–also, Tex, tree branch is not the preferred scientific nomenclature, Ulmus americana, please.

Tex: Bayou, this isn’t a Boy Scout project, this is just a branch–

Bayou: What the fuck are you talk–

Tex: Bayou, it fell on my fence!

Elvis: It fell on Tex’s fence.

Bayou: ELVIS, YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! Tex, the tree branch is not the issue here!

Tex: Then, what?!

Bayou: Stanford. The only school lazy enough to make their mascot a tree.

Tex: Now that’s fucking interesting, man. That’s fucking interesting…

Bayou: Plus, they have the wealth, obviously, and they have the resources, so there’s no reason, there’s NO FUCKING REASON why they can be lazy nature-loving hippies and choose a mascot that has branches grow out of control everywhere, and then one comes down and falls on your fucking fence! AM I WRONG?!

Tex: No.

Bayou: AM I WRONG?!

Tex: Yeah, but–

Bayou: Ok then, <clears throat>. That fence really tied the backyard together did it not?

Tex: Fuckin’ A.

Elvis: And a tree branch fell on it.

Bayou: Elvis, please…

Tex: You know this is the fucking school–Notre Dame is going to play this school–

Elvis: They’re playing Notre Dame? Our alma mater is Notre Dame!

Tex: This is the school that should compensate me for the fucking fence with a loss. I mean they choose the worst mascot of all time and a tree branch falls on my fucking fence?

Bayou: It fell on your fucking fence.

Tex: It fell on my fucking fence…

Bayou: That’s right, Tex. It fell on your fucking fence…

This aggression will not stand, man. Go Irish. Beat Trees.

The Roundup

The Friday Roundup has a logo! Thanks to the talented @phillykelly, the Friday Roundup now has a nice graphic that’ll go with every post. This is only the first of many contributions of graphical awesomeness:

Friday RoundupSo Hoke got the dreaded vote of confidence. Even better, Brandon did it in blog form.

Speaking of Michigan, even the Ohio governor is throwing shade at you. And I quote, “When we beat you like a drum every single year, you better start looking for a new rival.” BOOM.

So, Jameis Winston, you might want to lay low for a bit. When being investigated for a pretty serious crime, getting tied up in a BB gun fight and stealing soda from a Burger King seems like a series of pretty stupid decisions.

RUN THE DAMN BALL, SHAW! Seriously, that’s two weeks in a row. I’m just dying of laughter.

And now, your moment of zen… via Spencer Hall and Blatant Homerism.

Put These Games on Your Radar

Now last week was more like it. 5-1, foiled only by my over-confidence in a slightly-homerific pick in the Aggies. That moves me to 23-19. Time to finish this sucker strong.

Away Home Time (ET) Channel(s)
#24 Duke (+6) North Carolina 12:00 PM ESPN2
#3 Ohio State (-15) Michigan 12:00 PM ABC
Minnesota #11 Michigan State (-14.5) 12:00 PM Big Ten Network
#1 Alabama #4 Auburn (+10.5) 3:30 PM CBS
#21 Texas A&M #5 Missouri (-4.5) 7:45 PM EPSN
#22 UCLA (+3.5) #23 USC 8:00 PM ABC

Predictions

SupermanTDJesus has found his way on the board. With two games left, it’s still anyone’s game.

Names Points
Biscuit 2.5
Twibby 2
Irish Elvis 2
Bayou 2
NDtex 1
Irish Twin 1 1
SupermanTDJesus 1

Note: Due to the holidays some predictions might be more delayed than usual. Be sure to check back here again before kickoff.

NDtex (@HLS_NDTex)

This is another tough one to try and predict. I expect a game similar to BYU, but much more physical, which worries me because of the lack of defensive depth with all of our injuries. Although their offensive styles are similar, Stanford is a much different beast than BYU.

However, Stanford has proven to be mortal this season. Loses to Utah and a resurgent Southern Cal were both completely unexpected and now here come the Irish as a 14 point dog with Stanford knowing that their spot in the Pac 12 title game is secure.

Looks like a decent recipe for another Stanford loss.

ND 23 – Stanford 17

Biscuit (@HLS_Biscuit)

Via:

The damn tree.

Frankly, I’m impressed by what the post-Harbaugh staff has been able to accomplish at Stanford. Keeping recruiting going, capitalizing on the overall brand of Stanford, and sticking to a plan and executing it well. Last year’s game was one for the ages and I STILL can’t believe we held them. And yes, WE DID FREAKING HOLD THEM. Unbelievable! Still fired up about it!

But this year, Stanford will be a more complete team than Notre Dame. Both defenses will be tough, but the Tree will bring a bit more offensive firepower to the table. They’ll be playing for a BCS berth, so this is pretty much a playoff game. A 1-loss ND team against an undefeated or 1-loss Stanford team? This has BIG GAME written all over it.

Unfortunately, we won’t get those bounces this year. We can’t always get them, and last year we got plenty (after giving them ALL away the year prior). Stanford and ND will be a battle to remember. It will have national implications, and the two ‘smart football schools’ will go at it toe-to-toe. The Irish will have a chance to win it, but I see the Tree pulling this one out in some freakish way, much like ND last year.

ND Loses 24-21

 1 Leprechaun – waaaaay up in the air.

Bayou Irish (@HLS_BayouIrish)

I have the tree triumphant, but in galling fashion: Tuitt and Shembo both ejected for targeting in calls worthy of the worst WWE injustice. Our beleaguered fronts cannot withstand four quarters of ticky-tack penalties and personal fouls. Tommy throws three INTs as he gives back what the defense gives him.

Stanford 38, ND 24

Twibby (@HLS_Twibby)

Irish give us a BCS conversation with a 24-20 win over Stanford.

Irish Elvis (@IrishElvis)

34-21 Stanford

The Irish Twins (@HLS_IT1 & @HLS_Podcast)

Twin 2 “The Younger” Duex Secret of the Ooze: (@HLS_Podcast): It’s fun to attack Stanford’s #8 BCS ranking. To wit, of the five ranked teams they have beaten only one has improved its rank since then, Arizona State. A team ND beat. Two of their ranked opponents are no longer ranked. One of their unranked opponents is now ranked, USC. A team ND beat and Stanford lost to. Their combined rank for scoring and points allowed is the lowest of BCS top ten. Their combined rank in rushing and passing yards is the lowest of the BCS top ten. Their mascot is a plant. A quick overview does reveal some strengths. When they win, they win in a polished fashion. They control TOP and their 3rd down efficiency in wins is impressive. Turnover margin is a great predictor for them. Notre Dame can win this game, but only if a couple conditions happen. Stanford has to turn it over twice. And they have an Achilles heel which you wouldn’t expect from a bunch of smart kids: penalties. Notre Dame is designed to slow games down which increases the per-play and per-penalty value of every whistle. Stanford is smelling BCS glory and Notre Dame is trying to send out some beloved seniors and NFLers with a bang.

ND is victim of some bad calls and a 24 – 24 tie goes to OT. Stanford prevails 31-27.

Twin 1 (@HLS_IT1): 31-27 iIrish & Jaylon Smith finally gets his touchdown.

Blog Davie (@BlogDavie)

Notre Dame wins the Pac 12 championship by uprooting the Trees.

ND 23 – Trees 20

Steve in Iowa (@SteveInIowa1)

I stand with Lou Holtz. Notre Dame wins a hard fought game. Tommy comes through with the biggest win of his career. Missing some players on D because of… something? Doesn’t matter. Next man in, yadda yadda yadda. ND is Pac 12 champs. Again.

27-24 ND

ManCaveQB (@ManCaveQB)

I hate when I’m sure Las Vegas knows something I don’t. The game opened with Stanford as two touchdown favorites and, much to my surprise, moved up to 15 points on Friday. Maybe those guys knew about the Elijiah Shumate & Eilar Hardy suspensions that would leave, and I don’t have my notes handy, 26 of initial 33 man defensive 3-deep not suited up for Saturday night.

I just can’t shake the feeling that these are two teams who play to the level of their opponents for better or worse. While Irish fans lamented lackluster wins versus Temple & Purdue, Stanford was squeaking by Army. Head scratching Irish losses to Michigan & Pitt are countered by Stanford’s bad L’s against Utah & USC. So … these are dysfunctional teams that have the ability and talent to dominate, but lack greatly in team-wide consistency.

I trust the Irish in a slugfest after rebounding against BYU. Is there any reason for ND to NOT want to control the clock more than normal to keep this defense off the field? I say a RB/TE heavy offense maintains a close score and the Irish defense does enough to limit multiple drives to 3 pointers. Kyle Brindza adds to his legacy with a late FG to secure a win. Pac-12 Champs ya’ll!!

22-19 Notre Dame

SuperManTDJesus (@SuperManTDJesus)

I can’t say a lot in terms if breaking this game down. It’s gonna be a tough watch whether they start blowing ND or ND stays in it late. I expect to see a slow pace in this one although it may behoove the Irish to come out guns blazing. Stanford is crazy on D this year and I’m not sure I’m convinced we can hang for 4 qtrs. short of Folston running wild, were gonna need TJ to have a big day. Getting Corey Robinson involved in the vertical passing game could and would do a lot to help save Tommy from an awful Pitt-style performance with this pass rush.

I see it being decided late in the 3rd. Stanford takes the win 28-16.

The Booze

So, initially, last week’s booze was going to be this week’s as the theme of the post was planned for some time now. However, I felt like last week we needed to be more Dude-like in our bye week, so there went the White Russians.

Then someone threw this drink my way: The Lumberjack which is one part each of simple syrup, Southern Comfort, and Applejack and two parts gin.

I’ve also dug up something called a Tree Climber thanks to the wonder my booze app on my phone: in an ice-filled shaker mix one part each gin, Midori, triple sec, vodka, white rum, sour mix (recipe has 1 oz), shake and strain/pour into a cocktail glass and float cranberry juice on top.

Finally, if you want to mock Shaw and his phantom whistle bullshit in alcohol form, we have the shot for you, the Whistle Stop: layer half the shot glass with Grand Marnier and top the other half with a layer of Jack Daniels.

I make no guarantees for the taste of any of these drinks. Go crazy.

Filed Under: Featured, Friday Roundup Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Friday Roundup: The “Taking a Bye Week” Edition

November 15, 2013 by

Usually, the Roundup never takes a bye week, but this time it must.

Sadly, my day job being incredibly busy, plus family being in town took up far too much time this week. Add on to the fact that I don’t have an opponent to make fun of this weekend and I’m bringing a big bag of nothing to the Roundup table this week.

Instead, we’ll just throw out the usual links, pick some games, and suggest some booze and enjoy a relaxing weekend in which Notre Dame football won’t drive us crazy.

I’ll be back full-force next week to poke some fun at our Mormon opponents, but for now, it’s time for a breather.

The Roundup

Remember Grambling’s boycott? It’s about to cost the school. Players boycotted because the school had run-down facilities. The school has run-down facilities because they have no money. Now Grambling will be fined. Ouch.

This is only finding its way in the Roundup because it’s a big story. There’s no snark here or judgement being made, but Jameis Winston is involved in a sexual assault case. It’s too early to jump to conclusions, Winston isn’t talking to police and his lawyer says he has an alibi. I’d definitely suggest letting this one play out.

Art Briles inked his Weis extension. Sorry, knee-jerk reaction to a 10-year extension when a lot of high profile jobs are going to open up.

GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS? Kudos for the Gieco parody, ND Compliance.

Pissing off your neighbors because you can’t control yourself at a bar: Pure Michigan.

And now your moment of zen… Via

Put These Games on Your Radar

Away Home Time (ET) Channel(s)
#23 Miami  Duke (+3.5) 3:30 PM ESPNU
#25 Georgia #7 Auburn (-4) 3:30 PM CBS
#12 Oklahoma State  #24 Texas 3:30 PM FOX
Florida #10 South Carolina (-13) 7:00 PM ESPN2
#1 Alabama (-24)  Mississippi State 7:45 PM ESPN
#4 Stanford (-4)  Southern Cal 8:00 PM ABC

Predictions

Originally, I said I’d only give Bayou half a point for hedging his bet; however, he’s the only one that even considered that Notre Dame would lose this one. Not only that, he got the margin of victory dead on for Pitt. He’s getting the full point this week.

The standings are updated below and we’ll be back with predictions next week.

Names Points
Biscuit 2.5
Twibby 2
Irish Elvis 2
Bayou 2
NDtex 1
Irish Twin 1 1

The Booze

This week, I’m channeling The Dude. F*&k it, man. Pass the Caucasian.

Lebowski White Russian

Filed Under: Friday Roundup

Friday Roundup: The “Embracing a Heart Attack” Edition

November 8, 2013 by

Let’s take a look at the last decade of Notre Dame/Pitt:

Year Notre Dame Pitt Differential
2002 14 6 8
2003 20 14 6
2004 38 41 -3
2005 42 21 21
2008 33 36 -3
2009 22 27 -5
2010 23 17 6
2011 15 12 3
2012 29 26 3

Save for Weis making quite the debut against a very unprepared Pitt led by Dave Wannstedt, the ND/Pitt series has been defined by a single possession contest as of late. To be honest, it’s really hard to explain why. For the most part, Pitt has been a medicore team that Notre Dame is usually better than. Last year’s game was probably the best example of this: an undefeated Irish squad hanging on for dear life against a team that finished 6-7 with a BBVA Compass Bowl loss.

It would stand to reason that tomorrow night we will see yet another game that’s too close for comfort. Vegas agrees too. As of this morning, Notre Dame is only favored by 4 points.

But you know what? I say bring on the heart attack.

Notre Dame is 10-0 the last two seasons such contests. Keep the Irish in the game, and this team will find a way to win. It’s playing to our strength.

So while I would prefer that Notre Dame party like its 2005 against Pitt tomorrow night, I embrace the close game and the heart attack that comes with it. After all, that’s why the good Lord blessed us with alcohol.

The Roundup

Texas has hired a new AD. And it isn’t the guy that was almost a certainty last week.

So obviously, a new AD means NICK SABAN TO TEXAS. The rumor mill around this just won’t die.

And while we are on the topic of backing up a Brinks truck to convince coaches to move, here’s USA Today’s annual guess at what each coach in the FBS makes. Be warned, these aren’t exact for various reasons.

I can see it now, the first NCAA violation for contact lenses. After ABC made such a huge deal about Jameis Winston squinting at the sidelines, he got fitted for some contact lenses, although the company might have jumped the gun in using his likeness on their Facebook page. Bonus points to them if they gave him the lenses and service for free because that would be a hilariously stupid way to get in trouble.

Defensive end emeritus, Kapron Lewis-Moore is back. He saw his first NFL practice this week after his knee injury in the BCS Championship game. Welcome back to the field, Kap!

Now, let’s switch over to current defensive linemen. Louis Nix III is doing that whole student-athlete thing.

And now your moment of zen…

Put These Games on Your Radar

Last week was one of those weeks that I would just want to light on fire and forget forever as 1-5 is simply horrid. I’m glad I didn’t pick Thursday’s games because I would’ve been 0-2 to start this week.

With the disaster now behind me, I’ve fallen below .500 to 12-13. Let’s turn this back around, shall we?

As always, picks are in bold and have the spread listed next to them (Firefox won’t show the bold).

Away Home Time (ET) Channel(s)
#9 Auburn Tennessee (+8) 12:00 PM ESPN
#2 Florida State (-35.5) Wake Forest 12:00 PM ABC
Mississippi State #15 Texas A&M (-19.5) 3:30 PM CBS
#13 LSU #1 Alabama (-13) 8:00 PM CBS

Predictions

The old Subway Domer staff is on the board! One of the Irish Twins (#1), came threw with the closest Navy prediction this week. It’s still anyone’s game.

Names Points
Biscuit 2.5
Twibby 2
Irish Elvis 2
NDtex 1
Bayou 1
Irish Twin 1 1

NDtex (@HLS_NDTex)

REVERSE PYSCOLOGY TIME: I made an entire post dedicated to how close this game will be so I say ND survives 30 – 24.

Naturally, we’ll win by 30.

Biscuit (@HLS_Biscuit)

Via:

Genac this! As always!

Pitt’s another program that (finally) made a good hire in Chryst. Dude knows what he is doing and while Pitt will never again be a powerhouse, they’ll be competitive. They need to figure out the QB position, but they have a stable of good receivers and a couple raw but talented QBs duking it out. This was the trap game last year that is ASU for us this year. But I don’t think the Irish will let it happen again.

It’s a long season and I could see the Irish needing to rest up and heal up a bit in the 2nd half of the season, but Air Force and Navy should allow for that in the 2nd halves of those games. Pitt won’t sneak up this year.

ND Wins 24-17

  2 Leprechauns. Not a landslide, and Pitt always plays their best against us.

Bayou Irish (@HLS_BayouIrish)

Because it’s Pitt, it’s heart-attack city. Or maybe it’s the result of eating what passes for cuisine in a city where grease is a recognized condiment. I’m clearly looking for ND to “click” in all phases, at all times. Maybe it actually happens in a game away from the distractions of the Dome and after two weeks of option football. If so, the Irish win 28-20. If not, and if the O-Line can’t handle Pitt’s Aaron Donald, we’re in for a loss, actually, 17-10.

[Tex: Yeah, you're totally only getting .5 if you hit one of these.]

Twibby (@HLS_Twibby)

ND 31, Pitt 24

Irish Elvis (@IrishElvis)

1st Quarter: Start Fast
Irish offense clicks early and notches TDs on the first 2 possessions.

2nd Quarter: Attention to Detail
Still no fullbacks, but the ground game has 100+ yards by halftime.

3rd Quarter: Effort & Enthusiasm
Hopefully our defense tackles well, because our front 7 currently is being held together with baling wire and duct tape.

4th Quarter: Finish Strong
ND wins 21-17

The Irish Twins (@HLS_IT1 & @HLS_Podcast)

Twin 2 “The Younger” (@HLS_Podcast):

A win against Pittsburgh is more likely than not. So we got that going for us, which is nice. Tallying eight wins on the year probably checks off the minimum acceptable requirement for most Irish fans. There is plenty to love about this team going into this game, and everyone hopes to see a continued unveiling of talent from guys like Folston, Fuller, and Smith. All this being said, when faced with a beatable team, ND has deferred more often than not to making that team look better than they are. Night lights and travel plans are thrown into this week’s stew, but it won’t change the reality that the next step for this team toward championship caliber is to handily beat inferior teams from kickoff to buzzer. They haven’t shown they can do that against anyone but Air Force.

Irish win 27 – 17 

Twin 1 (@HLS_IT1): 

Probably requires a special teams TD to get here… 42-24 Irish, and I wake up in a new Bugatti

Blog Davie (@BlogDavie)

Conventional wisdom suggests that this will be a close game, so I’ll go out on a limb and say ND 49 Pitt 6.

Steve in Iowa (@SteveInIowa1)

I think I would have won pick’em if not for Irish Twin 1 last week. Sigh.

The last five Pitt games have been decided by six or fewer is that correct? Sigh.

While ND has a statistical edge in most team stats it’s still pretty close with Pitt? Sigh.

Pitt is still smarting after a big choke job in double OT last year and so is motivated for revenge? Sigh.

Forget all that. This week ND puts it all together on offense and defense to get those much needed style points. Vegas says ND -3 1/2, I’d take that and a lot more as this group is tired off all the questions and will assert their will. Notre Dame wins it walking away 35-17. 

ManCaveQB (@ManCaveQB)

With his third consecutive game of less than 23 Pass Attempts, Tommy Rees is astoundingly averaging just under 30 throws per game on the season (29.55 to be exact). This seemed improbable after he chucked it 118 times during the three game Michigan-Purdue-Michigan State stretch of late September – 39.3 attempts/game over that time. I think the trend starts tilting back towards Brian Kelly’s career averages this week and his play calling tendencies historically against Pitt favor this narrative as well. In 2012, though it WAS a 3 OT game, Rees and Golson aired it out a combined 53 times. In 2010 & 2011, Tommy Rees & Dayne Crist had 41 and 39 attempts respectively. The tea leaves couldn’t be clearer – all signs point to a 35+ attempt game for Reesus that gives the final two Irish opponents, who probably feature the best front sevens ND will face, reason to not stack the box. Let’s all laugh and pretend they won’t.

History also favors Brian Kelly who totes a 3-0 record as the Notre Dame Head Football Coach against our future ACC rivals. Average margin of victory over the Panthers since taking over ND – 4 points. Gulp. It sure sounds like it might be another sloppy slobberknocker. Rees gets ND out in front early and a 17-3 halftime score makes fans believe a comfortable win might actually be in the cards. In what seems like an instant the game heads to the 4th quarter with ND clinging to a 20-17 lead. The Irish tack on a touchdown and Pitt musters a too little, too late score in the closing seconds because ND doesn’t care for impressing pollsters, bowl committees, and sure as hell not their own fan-base in a 27-24 win over a middling program.

ND 27-24

SuperManTDJesus (@SuperManTDJesus)

ND starts strong, scores twice, and then stalls for a nice aggravating chunk of the game keeping things interesting into the 4th quarter. A touchdown by Pitt early in the final stanza makes us all drink in excess as we contemplate life and whether or not we’ve made the right decisions up to this point, but a pair of rushing scores down the stretch aided by a turnover help us forget all that shit and blackout with smiles on our faces.

ND 34 Pitt 17

The Beer Booze

We’re playing a game in Pennsylvania, this one’s easy: ALL THE YUENGLING!

Filed Under: Friday Roundup, ND Football Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Friday Roundup: The “Top QB” Edition

November 1, 2013 by

Tommy Rees Topgun

On November 1, 1913 Notre Dame established the forward pass as a legitimate offense in college football. Its purpose was to make the quarterback the most feared player on the field and propel the team to greatness.

They succeeded.

Today, the Navy calls him the guy that embarrasses them every year*. The Fighting Irish call him….

TOP QB

*2007, 2009, and 2010 didn’t exist…why the hell is everybody acting like they did?

—————————

Tommy Rees and Andrew Hendrix stand outside Brian Kelly’s office. Everett Golson walks out, in a cold sweat, clearly upset, and shaken-up…

Hendrix: “Golson?”

Golson: “Good luck, Tommy…”

Kelly: “MAVERICK! GOOSE! COME IN HERE!”

Rees: “The hell is going on?”

Hendrix: “I donno.”

Rees: “Shit…”

Rees and Hendrix enter Kelly’s office, his face is a dangerous shade of red — both QBs know purple isn’t too far away.

Kelly: “Maverick, you did an admirable job in 2012 — BUT YOU STILL THREW TOO MANY DAMNED INTERCEPTIONS!!!”

Rees: “Coach, seriously, what’s with the call signs? It’s freaking me out.”

Kelly: “Your arm is writing checks that your body can’t cash. Don’t even get me started on 2011–I can’t even count the number of interceptions that year and that disaster under the lights!!!”

Hendrix: [Trying to whisper to Tommy] “Which one? Michigan or Southern Cal?”

Kelly: [Glaring at Hendrix] “And you, asshole…you’re lucky to be here after tripping over yourself against Air Force!”

Hendrix: [snaps to attention] “Thank you, sir!”

Kelly: “And let’s not bullshit, Tommy. The mere sound of your name scares the hell out of everyone in the stands. You need to be doing it better, and cleaner than the other guy. Now what is it with you?”

Rees: “Just want to serve Our Lady’s University, sir. Be the best QB that I can be, sir.”

Kelly: “Don’t screw around with me, Tommy. You’re a hell of an instinctive QB. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this roster out on the field as the starting QB. I gotta do something here, I still can’t believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters…are moving up the depth chart. For 12 weeks you are going to go up against the toughest schedule in the nation. You were number two and three, Golson was number one. Golson cheated on a test and got kicked out of ND. YOU GUYS are one and two. [Glares at Tommy] You remember one thing…you screw up just this much…and your ass will be on the bench for the rest of your eligibility!”

Rees: “YES, SIR!”

Kelly: “That is all…”

—————————

The season progresses, but disaster strikes against Southern Cal. Tommy Rees is standing over a sink with a bag of ice on his neck as the team departs. Brain Kelly enters…

Kelly: “How ya doin’?”

Rees: “I’m okay.”

Kelly: [sighs] “Hendrix is dead.”

Rees: “What the hell, coach?! He had a horrible game, but you sound like someone with wishful thinking on my Twitter mentions.”

Kelly: “You play football long enough, games like this happen.”

Rees: “He was my backup, my responsibility. It should have never been that bad.”

Kelly: “Look, in my career, I’ve seen many QBs go down. First string goes down, next man in. But there will be others. You can count on that. You gotta let it go. You gotta let it go.”

—————————

Rees comes by Kelly’s office the following day for a heart-to-heart. He’s still sore and shaken up from the injury, concerned his interception-happy ways could return, and Malik “Iceman” Zaire could take his spot.

Kelly: “What’s on your mind?”

Rees: “My options, sir.”

Kelly: “Simple. First, you are healthy enough to be cleared to retake your QB1 spot, or you can quit. There’d be no disgrace. That hit was hell–and you’ve been through hell these past couple of years, it would’ve shook me up.”

Rees: “So you think I should quit?”

Kelly: “I didn’t say that. The simple fact is you feel responsible for every single bad thing that happens with this football program and you have a confidence problem. Now I’m not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your ass, Tommy. A good QB is compelled to evaluate what’s happened, so he can apply what he’s learned. Out there, we gotta push it. That’s our job. It’s your option, Tommy. All yours.”

Rees: “Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, sir, but thank you very much for your time.”

Kelly: “No problem. Good luck.”

—————————

Tommy takes the field against Air Force. After a slow and shaky start, he comes alive and finishes with 284 yards and 5 TDs. A jubilant Notre Dame team celebrates in the locker room and Zaire gets Tommy’s attention…

Zaire: You…you are still dangerous…[flashes a smile at Tommy]…but you can be my backup any time.

Rees: Bullshit. You’re going to stay mine.

The Roundup

The NCAA has been busy this week. It’s clear that a major restructuring is in the works and based on Delany’s comments, there could be a clearer line between the have and have-nots. Along with this news also comes some new recruiting rules.

The Chip Brown rumor mill is back! Oh, Chip, we didn’t miss you (and if you forget him, he’s the conference realignment rumor-monger that got things so, so wrong), but we will still laugh at you and the wild accusations that you make/get fed with the Texas AD search. This week, Chip unveils Oliver Luck as the favorite, but also manages to toss Jack Swarbrick’s name into the hat. Trying to keep up, the Austin Statesmen pegged Ohio State AD, Gene Smith, as a candidate which he denied.

War Damn Filmgate. Bret Bielema is apparently oh so ready to make friends in the SEC by claiming Auburn doctored the film they sent him. The best part of his public accusation? Lack of a swinging gate on the film. Seriously.

Cierre Wood feels your pain, Carl Pelini. Even coaches aren’t immune to the allure of the sticky-icky.

Opponent injury watch: Stanford DE, Ben Gardner is now out for the season.

Quack, quack and f#*k you, Oregon fans. A former Oregon player writes a letter to the editor and says everything you’ve wanted to say to a crappy fan…well, minus the Spartacus references.

And now your moment of zen…

Put These Games on Your Radar

Well last week was horribly mediocre as I went 3-3 with my picks against the spread. I would like to thank Vandy for failing to do anything with their 100 turnovers they forced and Mizzou just blowing their lead. Bastards.

Anyways, that moves me to 11-8 thus far. Let’s see if this week can be better.

As always, picks are in bold and have the spread listed next to them (Firefox is still buggy on the bold, unfortunately).

Away Home Time (ET) Channel(s)
USC Oregon State (-4) 9:00 PM (Friday) ESPN2
#24 Wisconsin Iowa (+10) 12:00 PM ABC/ESPN2
Mississippi State (+12) #14 South Carolina 12:21 PM ESPN3
#21 Michigan (+5) #22 Michigan State 3:30 PM ABC
#18 Oklahoma State #15 Texas Tech (-1.5) 7:00 PM FOX
#7 Miami #3 Florida State (-21.5) 8:00 PM ABC

Predictions

Twibby narrowly edged ManCaveQB with his 45-14 prediction by a single point (ManCaveQB had 38-10, a 7 point miss). Here are your standings:

Names Points
Biscuit 2.5
Twibby 2
Irish Elvis 2
NDtex 1
Bayou 1

NDtex (@HLS_NDTex)

The weather sets up for all kinds of potential for this to be an ugly, sloppy game. However, Mav–I mean, Tommy and the Irish will be able to use it to their advantage in an easy win. Unrelated, the poor field will lose so very badly.

ND 41, Navy 13

Biscuit (@HLS_Biscuit)

Via:

2 weeks in a row of Option Ball! Well, couldn’t schedule it better, that’s for sure. ND will have 2 full weeks of option preparation before facing Navy this season, and it will help. Navy came on in ND’s down years and this became a game. Last season, things finally (FINALLY!) seemed back to normal with ND really enforcing their will on the men in the middle of the ship. Anchors may be away, but the Irish aren’t. They’re here, and ready to play. No love for the Navy offense this week as the Irish force multiple turnovers and hold Navy to less than 200 yards rushing for the only time all season. While Air Force gives ND a bit of a fit in the first half the week before, this one is in the bag by the time the band takes the field.

ND Wins 30 – 10

   3 Leprechauns! No more Navy heroics when it comes to the Irish. Save it for the battlefield fellas. (And thank you so much for your service, you guys rule)

Bayou Irish (@HLS_BayouIrish)

Navy is a team that makes me more nervous than any other on our schedule, because if you screw up against them, they’re like an anaconda. There should be a “Notre Dame” proviso under the Federal Tort Claims Act which would give all of us who watched a game like 2010 one fifty minute hour on the psychologist’s couch. I’m glad we played Air Force last week and (hopefully) addressed our issues with the option. I’d love it if we can hold Navy scoreless for more than just the second half. While they blew out the Delaware Blue Hens 51-7 in Week Two, their production plummeted against Western Kentucky and only broke 35 points in its October 19 loss to Toledo in double overtime. Like last year, I expect us to win going away. We should be without Big Lou in the middle – no “knee”-d to risk him against the blocking technique the Middies use. And if we use the DBs to seal the edge like we did, after some time, against USAF, we should be in business and get to see Tommy put up some more insane numbers. Expect big tackle numbers from Jaylon Smith, again, as Navy runs away from Tuitt.

ND 49, Navy 9

Twibby (@HLS_Twibby)

Irish 38, Navy 10. Another week of smooth sailing for ND.

Irish Elvis (@IrishElvis)

TBA

The Irish Twins (@HLS_IT1 & @HLS_Podcast)

Twin 2 (@HLS_Podcast):

Brian Kelly famously lost to Navy in his first meeting. Ever since, he has righted the ship (ha!) and beaten Navy at their own game: rushing. Consider both 2011 and 2012 in which the Irish did things they rarely do: accumulate rush yards and TDs, and score 50. In the past two years combined, ND has logged an eye-popping 475 rush yards, 106 points, and 12 TDs on the ground. The Irish may flip the everyone-gets-a-touchdown-trophy from receiver to RB coming off of Air Force. Look for the rain to continue causing turf problems and both teams will be slowed. The Irish will have more success resorting to the air than the Midshipmen.

Irish keep control in a mud bowl:  38 – 17

Twin 1 (@HLS_IT1): 34-27 Irish win

Blog Davie (@BlogDavie)

The Irish start slow but end up dropping anchor on the Midshipmen.  Notre Dame 40 – Navy 21

Steve in Iowa (@SteveInIowa1)

Alright. Again, I’m Mr. Bad Karma. I hate picking this one because when taking friends to a game in 2009 I picked Navy specifically hoping for an easy victory. What we got was an up close, live viewing Jimmy Clausen taking a crucial momentum killing safety in the north endzone. So while I want pick a ND to win 42-3, a whole lot of psychological pain has conditioned me to expect something ugly like 27-17. Those swabbies have grit. The want revenge for Ireland. And they are plating better than late, so I go with a close one.

ManCaveQB (@ManCaveQB)

Navy has another young playmaker at QB who will give the Irish D a few more fits on Saturday than the boys from Air Force were able to muster … and that’s whether rain or shine. By “a few more” I of course mean they can actually tack on a garbage TD against the Irish 3rd string.

Tommy throws four more TDs because why not and Amir Carlisle confuses the backfield depth chart more by leading the group in rushes, yards, and scores.

ND rolls 38-17

SuperManTDJesus (@SuperManTDJesus)

Going to keep this one short and sweet.

It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be wet, and it’s gonna be ugly for Navy. Tommy Rees tosses 3 TDs and the RBs get 4 more. Navy musters 2 FGs and a garbage time TD. Give Brindza a 3 in there for a nice 52-13 final score.

The Beer Booze

I’m making an executive decision with this section. With Subway Domer, and the Anti-Preview, now gone and considering HLS has picked up the rest of the Subway Domer crew, I feel we are missing a serious alcohol void in the ND blogosphere. It’s as if millions of livers cried out in joy and are now kicking back and relaxing.

To hell with that.

So “The Beer” section is now “The Booze” because I’m going to be mixing it up from here on out. Craft beer suggestions will still find their way in here, but that won’t be the exclusive purpose.

For this week, considering playing Navy is a game in which the focus is on the basics, we are going to do that ourselves with this week’s beverage. Sometimes, a simple gameplan and be strong and potent when given enough time to work. With that in mind, open up your bar and find your favorite whiskey, Irish fans. Mix it, put it on the rocks, have it neat, or just chug from the bottle — it’s all acceptable.

Filed Under: Friday Roundup Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Friday Roundup: The “run cmd” Edition

October 25, 2013 by

Well, Cam McDaniel has become quite the internet sensation this week. I feel though we are only focusing on one aspect of Cam McDaniel right now. There is clearly so much more that this Texas native delivers.

Back when we detailed Cam’s amazing run through a backwards gauntlet, one loyal reader had the ingenious idea of nicknaming Cam “run cmd”. Being a computer nerd myself, I’ve run with this. With that in mind, let’s take a journey through some of Cam’s greatest hits this season via run cmd commands.

run cmd -backwardsguanlet -destroyitanyways

Via

run cmd -nohelmetneeded -noonemakesmebleedmyownblood

rud cmd -texaspower -stiffarm -bulldoze

run cmd -juke -pickupyourjock

And of course….

Hello ladies...

The Roundup

This Cam thing really has hit critical mass. I’ll just let Cam explain:

https://twitter.com/cammcdaniel4/status/393600745062166528

Our ranking blind poll is complete. We left Notre Dame unranked and put Arizona State on the top of the pile. Good work, everyone!

I’m agreeing with Saban, I think I might be sick. I can’t fault him for his opinion on his fans, at all.

Speaking of ‘Bama fans, at least they didn’t poison a tree this time. Defacing a rock is a step in the right direction Bammers, good for you!

GSR numbers are out. I’m pretty sure you can guess who won this battle, again.

If you haven’t made yourself aware of the Grambling State situation, you should. Their initial protest is now over, but the entire situation is bringing Louisiana education budget cuts to light. Oh, and the opponent they cancelled on this past weekend is suing them. Definitely one of the crazier stories of the season.

And now, your moment of zen…THE PUPPETS HAVE JOINED FORCES WITH EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY!!!

Put These Games on Your Radar

Last week was a little bit rougher on me as I went 2-3 against on the games I picked, but it brings me to a two week total of 8-5, which I will happily take. Let’s see how this week goes — we got quite a full slate of great games.

Picks are in bold as usual or, if you are using Firefox which has a fun bug apparently, my picks have the spread listed next to the team name.

Away Home Time (ET) Channel(s)
Vanderbilt (+17) #16 Texas A&M 12:21 PM ESPN3
Tennessee #1 Alabama (-28) 3:30 PM CBS
#10 Texas Tech #15 Oklahoma (-7) 3:30 PM FOX
#12 UCLA (+24) #3 Oregon (-24) 7:00 PM ESPN/WatchESPN
#21 South Carolina #5 Missouri (-3) 7:00 PM ESPN 2/WatchESPN
#6 Stanford (-4) #25 Oregon State 10:30 PM ESPN/WatchESPN

Predictions

Biscuit predicted 13-10…months ago. Coming that close, months in advance deserves a bonus half-point to take the lead in this little competition. Let’s see how we do this week.

Names Points
Biscuit 2.5
Irish Elvis 2
NDtex 1
Twibby 1
Bayou 1

NDtex (@HLS_NDTex)

So here’s what I’m expecting: ND comes out with a solid start against a vastly inferior team, Hendrix comes in and the offense sputters to end the game. It’ll be a comfortable win, but we will all likely wish it had been by more.

ND 38, Air Force 6

Biscuit (@HLS_Biscuit)

Via:

The lesser of the 2 academies we often play is always a challenge with the Triple Option, and they keep it interesting with special twists and gimmicks week to week. Smaller, but really good at what they do, Air Force racks up serious yardage with Option play, but can’t match up physically. It’ll be a bit of an adjustment for Notre Dame’s stellar defense, and I could see a decent game til half time, but Notre Dame will push through it and pull away in the 2nd half. Air Force just can’t keep up with the size, speed and depth of Notre Dame.

ND wins 37 – 17

   3 Leprechauns for the pilots. (And thanks so much for your amazing service to the US of A)

Bayou Irish (@HLS_BayouIrish)

I have a running deal with the bar where we do gamewatches. If we hang sixty points on a team, I buy the bar a round of strawberry shortcake shots (don’t ask). We almost scored sixty in 2011, with T Rees under center. I still bought the round. I think I’m buying this Saturday.

Even though it’s a service academy and God and Country and Notre Dame and all that, I think BK knows we need a blowout, gaudy win to go with our two losses and drag us into the Top 25. Tommy played well against USC until he got hurt, and I don’t think you’ll see him come out until late and only in order to give Hendrix some (as we know now badly needed) game experience and maybe let him finally score a rushing TD against Air Force without tripping.

Daniels, TJ and Hercules will be too much for the Falcons. Diac knows that he got his one “pass” after Navy 2010, so he’s going to be keyed in to this one and so will Jaylon Smith, who is quietly (or not) turning into a beast. He may finish with 15 tackles. Jaylon. Not Bob.

ND 63, Falcons 10.

Twibby (@HLS_Twibby)

After a couple games that went down to the wire, Saturday will offer Irish fans (that get CBS Sports Net) a chance to relax and enjoy a contest that will be in hand early.

Irish 45, Falcons 14

Irish Elvis (@IrishElvis)

1st Quarter: Start Fast
If I predict TDs on the first 3 ND possessions, it’s bound to happen one of these weeks, right?

2nd Quarter: Attention to Detail
Cam McDaniel works on not fumbling and maintaining the “Blue Steel” look while running. ND up comfortably 24-6 at halftime.

3rd Quarter: Effort & Enthusiasm
Hopefully the second team plays better this week than they did last week. Egads, injuries!

4th Quarter: Finish Strong
Here’s hoping for a comfortable victory that’s not as close as the final indicates. ND wins 34-20.

The Irish Twins (@HLS_IT1 & @HLS_Podcast)

Twin 2 (@HLS_Podcast): ND coaches and fans should resist the urge to work on offensive contingencies long enough to focus on the task at hand–stifling the inevitable service academy pep. Some will justifiably predict big points for ND. But this Irish team is scoring less and allowing more going in than they were in 2011 vs. Air Force. Note that Air Force outgained ND in total yards in the 2011 contest and quietly scored 33. If ND remains unapologetic and sticks with what works on offense, they will roll. But if they succumb to offensive introspection as a result of the USC game, they won’t be as efficient. Still, a lot of fans may want to see new offensive faces and experimentation in this game, rather than the workhorses accumulating points. They will probably get their wish.

(Properly adjusted for the 5,896 elevation difference):   Irish 37, Air Force 21 

Twin 1 (@HLS_IT1): 41-21 ND

Blog Davie (@BlogDavie)

I have soaked in the other HLS members’ predictions and will now pull a move straight out of The Price is Right: I will take @HLS_Podcast’s prediction and add one point to each team’s score. Irish 38, Air Force 22

Steve in Iowa (@SteveInIowa1)

Let’s see.

I WANT to go with something along the lines of the blow out two years ago but with less points from Air Force.

48-17 ND

But you know what is really going to happen? We win blocking a last minute FG attempt come away with a squeaker. 17-16.

Why? Because ND never does as good as I think they will.

ManCaveQB (@ManCaveQB)

Despite numbers indicating an Air Force team playing better football of late, I struggle to project a scenario where Notre Dame doesn’t score plenty of points in the first half and safely secure a win in Colorado. While the USC win is a high for those inside and outside the program, it wasn’t the type of win that should lead to any measure of a hangover effect. I predict the Irish outrush the Falcons, who are 12th nationally with 269 yards per game, and finish with 250+ yards on the ground themselves. The success of Atkinson & McDaniel early will lead to a much more efficient day in the air for Tommy Rees who’ll log a couple of touchdown tosses on well executed play action passes and attempt under 20 throws on the day. Maybe we warm Andrew Hendrix up in the 4th with a few Hail Mary’s (football & traditional) before letting him work out some kinks among the young receivers. Air Force, amid a disastrous season on the field surrounded by out of their control distractions, is not in a place in 2013 to stifle Notre Dame’s push back into the Top 25.

Notre Dame 38, Air Force 10

SuperManTDJesus (@SuperManTDJesus)

To be direct about it, the Falcons are royally boned. They’ve be ravaged by injuries and their established lack of size in the trenches of both sides of the ball is going to spell utter disaster for my military academy brethren.

Look for the speed back to go off. GAIII will run for +145 and 2 scores, tab McDaniel with another 90 yds and a score and look out for Carlisle to get his fair share of work scoring another TD of his own (maybe 2). Rees doesn’t have to throw much, but will connect with TJ Jones and Corey Robinson for a score each.

I’m also looking out for a touchdown on D. I’m gonna reach and say it goes to Cole Luke on a broken screen that gets picked off and taken to the house.

A field goal or two will be expected as well. Air Force will score two in the 4th during garbage time and one in the 2nd qtr as formalities.

Final Score 55-24

The Beer

This game will be played in Colorado, I have tons of it in my fridge leftover from the Shamrock Series tailgate, and I make no apologies for this for those reasons:

Via

Filed Under: Friday Roundup, ND Football Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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