Category Archives: Dunce Cone Classic
Man Fakes Mental Retardation for 20 Years by Disguising Self as Heisman Voter
TACOMA, Wash.–Tacoma resident Pete Costello has been pretending for the last twenty years that he is mentally retarded so that his mother could collect disability checks due to his “condition.” He and his mother are now being prosecuted for fraud … Continue reading
Nut Sacked!
EAST LANSING, Mich.–It’s official. Spartan football coach John The Smith will not be retained after the 2006 season. It’s over, Johnny. In honor of his great legacy and in preparation of his impending unemployment, HLS has compiled the following list … Continue reading
Spartans Call Press Conference to Consider Hiring Head Football Coach
EAST LANSING, Mich.–Jahn El Smythe’s days in East Lansing may be numbered. And that number may be one. Michigan State has called a press conference to take place at 1:30 p.m. EST to “discuss the coaching situation.” Possible coaching topics … Continue reading
Dennis Green Poops Pants, Forced to Talk About It
GLENDALE, Ariz.–While Bears fans Monday night might have been disappointed that they did not see the abrupt end of Matt Leinart’s career, they were certainly delighted to see the Bears escape University of Phoenix stadium with a win and 12 … Continue reading
Auburn Gameplan Stolen: HLS Identifies Perp
Apparently a laptop containing the Auburn offensive gameplan was stolen from the team hotel while everyone was celebrating their “beating” of South Carolina. The laptop is valued at – get this – $15,000…I’m guessing the rep that sold that machine … Continue reading
T.O. Spat out of Hell by Devil
HELL–The Devil, tired of dealing with “a bunch of jerks,” refused entrance to his Dark Kingdom to controversial Cowboys’ wide receiver Terrell Owens. “No way. F@#$ that guy,” the Devil said after Owens tried to kill himself Tuesday night by … Continue reading
HLS Drops Ball, Fails to Mock Clarett
COLUMBUS, OHIO—It has been more than four days since former Ohio State running back and future ESPN studio analyst Maurice Clarett pled guilty to aggravated robbery and carrying a concealed weapon, the punishment for which will be at least three … Continue reading
Megaphone Trophy Spotted
HLS spies deep within East Lansing have managed to return a picture of MSU’s beloved Megaphone Trophy: It should now be quite obvious to everyone why the Irish did not bring the trophey to last years game (that shade of … Continue reading
True Meaning of Revenge
If last year’s flag-planting incident has failed to incite the Notre Dame football team to near-riotous levels of bloodlust, perhaps they should read this article. If you’re like me, you’re way too lazy to click that link, so let me … Continue reading
Ralph Friedgen Gives Chase To Ron Zook in Bob Davie’s Dunce Cone Classic…
Ok, so I just made up the name of the compeition. But it may well become a feature here at HLS if we keep finding little nuggets like the items below. And with Ron Zook, Ty Willingham, Chuck Amato, Llloyd … Continue reading
