Whew. If your kid comes home from daycare or school with a “low-grade fever and minor vomiting,” lock them in a room, plug your ears, and just hide your sorry butt from that “baby virus” because if it enters your body it skips “adult virus” altogether and enters “HULK SMASH VIRUS KILL DEATH TOILET CRY” territory in about 24 hours and will camp out in your blood stream for 5 days.

The Roundup:

• Missouri apparently would really like to keep their coach.
• Somehow I don’t think the assistant of a crumbling Illini program is what Clemson fans had in mind.
• Any other ND fans notice Paul Johnson was “still throwing the ball,” up 20 in the middle of the 3rd?
• Ah. That’s UM(s!) problem: No leadership.
• Somebody has to win the Apple Cup. Right?
• Bad Kermit is home alone for 9 days. I did Thanksgiving alone once, BK. I was unemployed too. I made my own turkey - all 20 lbs. of it.
• It’s Friday. Be happy about it. And if you find yourself getting wound up in the bad economy, or some silly political issue, or whether or not the latest edition of Fallout is a good video game, here’s a huge helping of STFU.

And this week’s Beer of the Week is Three Floyds Dreadnaught IPA because this weekend I’ll get to drink beer for the first time in weeks, and this is what my taste buds want.

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Sorry I’m late. It’s practically quitting time for you east-coasters, or, as I like to call you, “41% of our readership.”

“…I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

The Roundup:

• You’ve already read this, and don’t worry. I didn’t get the “Captain Insano” thing either.
• That’s funny. I don’t remember Pete ever benching Reggie Bush.
• Well, it certainly didn’t look like some highly touted offensive system either.
• Apparently Kansas isn’t worried about the football gameday experience being “family friendly.”

Slow news day/week. I guess we’re all just standing around, watching credit default swaps annihilate our investments.

Anyhoo, this week’s beer of the week is Budweiser American Ale because Biscuit is stuck in St. Louis, Budweiser makes this stuff, and St. Louis people seem obsessed with drinking Bud products. So, ummm… If you somehow don’t have any of that in your fridge, and don’t want to, then might I recommend New Holland Brewing’s Ichabod Pumpkin Ale? I do so because, well, that’s what I’m drinking since 3pm is the new 5pm, and that’s all that really comes to mind at the moment. Dang is it delicious. It’s like dessert that you can drink with your steak.

Finally, I plan to kick off gameday chat late this evening/early tomorrow. Hopefully you can drop by and say hello.

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A Stanford fan took the time to compile a highlight video of Stanford’s win over San Jose State.

1) San Jose State. 2) Creed? Seriously? Creed? Can’t wait for the Washington highlight reel featuring Nickleback.


The Roundup:

• Think nobody’s noticing the ridiculous behavior of the Indiana Excise Police? NBC’s John Walters (an ND alum) has noticed.
  

  Sunday, the 19th — A South Bend police department alcohol task force arrests 57 underage Notre Dame students for alcohol consumption. The dragnet hits a snag when it is discovered that all 57 students were nabbed at Sunday evening mass while sipping altar wine.

• Autry Denson is blogging? Cool.
• If this is right, it could really screw up one of our “You’re So Predictable” polls.
• “In truth, if I was not the UW President I’d probably be writing unhappy emails myself.” Hehe!
• I can just see this stat being used by the prosecution in Iowa in the not-too-distant-future.
• It’s like the snark just writes itself sometimes.
• Can we really call them University of the Surprising Choke, if they aren’t so much choking as just doing what any team coached as they are coached would do with all that talent sans Reggie Bush?
• Gotta wonder if he’ll lose it like that MSU-fan radio host a couple of years ago. Probably.
• With Saunders as host of this show, you’ve really gotta wonder if that whole “a rose by any other name” thing is right.
• Golf clap. Slow, glorifying golf clap with inspirational 80s music playing over it.

And the beer of the week this week is Mishawaka Brewing Company’s, well, anything that’s made by Mishawaka Brewing Company. Yeah, I know the ownership has changed hands since I was a kid in college, but I’m still going there this weekend, either tonight or tomorrow night, and I’m bringing home growlers of the stuff, and I’m going to drink it down as though I were at a Dillon Hall formal, daggumit. They once made a young lad see beyond the world of Bud Ice, and for that, a grateful nation thanks them.

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I spent a good portion of this week digging through MSU statistics, trying to find something compelling about which I might write a post. No go. The only thing interesting about their numbers is that their numbers are all over the map. They’re 5 and 7 since beating the Irish in 2007, and all of their losses came by 7 points or fewer. Sort of interesting until you start looking at how the games actually went. In some, they were down by as much as 24. In others, they just traded off the lead over and over again. MSU is, ultimately, as schizoid as ever and absolutely no fun in the trend department. This is devastating news, because, as we all know, next week is Purdue Week: The Most Boring Week in Blogdom.

The Roundup:

• Pitt has never won a game the week after a bye week under the ‘Stache. It’s like watching a dumb kid think about a math problem for a really long time.
• The best Fordy Yard Dash ever written.
• I’ve still never heard this Crank Me Up song. Will the band play it at half time?
• Classic Ground dug up the ND/MSU coverage map.
• C’mon, you were thinking it too: WVU’s Bill Stewart is Bob Davie.
• To Review: MTSU > Maryland > Cal > MSU, unless MTSU was stealing signs.
• Nice round table between a PSU blog and a Temple blog. 2 things to take away from it all: Temple will be PSU’s toughest test at this point in the season, and Temple Football has a good blog.
• Yarrrrrrr. It be Talk Like a Pirate day. And in case’in ya be wonder’in abouts why we didn’t make this’n here Roundup a Pirate theme, it be a sorrowful tail of us not knowin ’til now.
• Fans in Washington may be doubting their coach a bit. No, not that coach in Washington.
• And now I’ve seen everything.
• Hire Jim Essian was talking about Pearl Jam’s Vedder’s “Someday We’ll Go All the Way” days ago, today you’d swear the song just appeared overnight. I will say this, it’s definitely better than “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Sweet Jobu, when that song made the rounds in Chicago I felt an urge to don my Members Only jacket.
• Ty Willingham coaches team poorly. Poorly coached member of team jumps before the snap. OU player clobbers UW player because that’s what you’re taught to do since grade school. UW players get angry, triple-team and punch OU player on next play, nearly get their QB killed, and possibly knock OU player out for season. Ty Willingham, Molder of Men, ladies and gents.

And the Beer of the Week is Paulaner Oktoberfest-Märzen because The Brew Site has been doing Oktoberfest reviews all week, and I’m caught up in the excitement.

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• Post Mortem 5: The “There Is No F-ing QB Controversy” Edition

You’ve heard it on the interwebs a hundred times this week. You need to hear it again.

The Roundup:

• The guys at BGS are feeling very left-brained. Or they’re feeling right-brained with lefty tendencies. Or something.
• DomerLaw has got the hang of this Michigan (sucks!) thing.
• Subway reminds me of how much I love Cabella’s even though I only hunt on their video games.
• Note to ND’s OL, be the bear.
• Sometimes, 4 turnovers leads to nearly losing to SDSU. Other times, it leads to total annihilation of your coaching career. PS - Tarheels be good, y’all.
• Oh, thank God. I was starting to think Rakes would leap off of Pessimism Point.
• It’s a good thing Ty isn’t like this, or it wouldn’t be as much fun to pick on him.
• This doesn’t explain why they deserve to lose. It explains why they will lose and it has nothing to do with Beanie Wells.
• Speaking of Beanie, is he done for the season?
• Good. Too hell with Dana.
• That’s not fair. I’ve heard McCain can really carry a tune.

And this week’s Beer of the Week is not Bell’s Oberon, because Bell’s Oberon is from Michigan (sucks!) and Bell’s is OVER-RATED-CLAP-CLAP-CLAPCLAPCLAP.

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Because it’s football season! Woo hoo! Dash the shandies upon the ground and stock up on the fall flavors!

About the beer.

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Well, we’ve covered the SEC, the ACC, the Big 12, and the Pac-10 conferences in some special-edition roundups that last few weeks. Sure, we could go on and do more conference-centric roundups of the lesser conferences like the MAC or Big Televen, but really, who cares about the lesser conferences?

So here we are, with actual writing about actual college football to share with you.

The Roundup:

• Who knew skin irritation could affect one’s hype?
• Ah, the team-haircut. It falls under the same umbrella of “things that seemed like a good idea at the time” as the town-bicycle.
• BGS reduces the player interviews until they’ve reached a golden deliciousness that’s too good to pass up.
• House Rock Built: Not dead.
• Les Miles: Not dead, and not a crazy bastard either.
• Damn. When will D-List celebs start showing up at Notre Dame practices?
• Coach Johnson needs to know what his major malfunction is.
• Mike Leach has big expectations, looks a lot like Vince Gill.
• What does FSU, the Chinese Olympic Committee, and the Mask of Zorro have in common? They’re all hiding something.
• I guess I could have used, “Ty Willingham” in place for “Mask of Zorro.
• I’ve heard jokes about how ND should recruit this guy, but I was taught that God works with a sliding scale, so there’s no way this guy can catch a football, right? Oh. I guess we could make him a tailback.
• A season or two ago, EDSBS used the pistol-with-bayonet gag to explain the Florida offense. We’re proud to announce that we’ve found 2008’s metaphor for useful things that, put together, don’t make a lot of sense.

Seen here: Southern Cal football players practicing high-fives.

And the BOTW, in honor of college football starting in just 6 days with North Carolina State kicking things off against South Carolina, is Goose Island Matilda. Does it have anything to do with North Carolina State and/or SC? No. Who cares? It’s beer and football, and at least the beer will be good. Cheers.

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We continue to interrupt our regularly scheduled Friday Roundup to bring you a bit of news from the SEC in order to acquaint you, the college football fan, with the SEC before the season begins. College Football Fan, the SEC. SEC, the College Football Fan. If you missed it, check out our ACC Primer Roundup here, the Big 12 primer here, and the Pac-10 primer here.

The Roundup:

• Florida: How do you stop Tim Tebow? Annihilate the rest of his team with injuries. This isn’t Karma sweeping Meyer’s leg(s) is it?
• Georgia: You already knew that the most important player on the team is out for the season for the #1 team in the country, right?
• Kentucky: ‘Ow-ies.’ Heh.
• South Carolina: Yeah, this looks rough for the Ole’ Ball Coach, but when you watch the Bears play, you realize he’s never needed a good QB to succeed.
• Tennessee: You can’t do this with our rival’s fight song. It’s considered torture under the Geneva Convention.
• Vanderbilt: How sad is it that the players were surprised that an alum knew their names?
• Alabama: Clearly, Forbes would be lousy at picking the Heisman winner. (Think about it.)
• Arkansas: Frankly, I’d completely forgotten about Petrino.
• Auburn: We don’t have any idea what they’re doing. Do they?
• LSU: How is it that LSU, defending MNCs, give me the least material in the roundup?
• Ole Miss: For some reason, I just thought this headline was funny.
• Mississippi State: Ah, head coaching, it’s 2 things you tie a boat to.

And this week’s Beer o’The Week, in honor of the SEC, which includes LSU, who happens to be the defending MNCs, is Abita Fall Fest because Abita Brewery is in Louisiana, and because football is a game played in the fall. Besides, I was reading through their list of brews and realized the specialty brews I’ve had by them are no longer in production. So enjoy some Fall Fest… when it’s available in September.

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• Friday Roundup: The “Pac 10 Primer” Edition
• Friday Roundup: The “That’s About Sums It Up” Edition
• Friday Roundup: The “Big 12 Primer” Edition

We continue to interrupt our regularly scheduled Friday Roundup to bring you a bit of news from the Pac 10 in order to catch you, the college football fan, up on the Pac 10 before the season begins. If you missed it, check out our ACC Primer Roundup here and the Big 12 primer here.

The Roundup:

• Arizona: Coach Stoops makes me wonder: how good is this team when we talk about kumquats?
• Arizona State: No bunnies? Bummer.
• California: Bad puns using a player’s name are the Best.
• Oregon: Don’t you just love when 2 state schools name their rivalry game something that reminds us of the bloodiest war in American history?
• Oregon State: Janet Jackson would be so proud.
• Stanford: Having lived through the 2007 ND football season, I’d say this bodes poorly for the Trees. Then again, how much energy does a tree have, unless you burn it? (Trick question for you science nerds out there.)
• UCLA: Chow’s got them dreaming big.
• Southern Cal: I’m feeling baited by this headline.
• Washington: The Molder of Men is doing as fine a job as ever.
• Washington State: I just love it when a plan comes together.

And in honor of the Pac 10’s particular geography, this week’s Beer of the Week is Widmer Brothers’ Hefeweizen from Oregon. It’s ubiquitous stuff, but it’s pretty darn good ubiquitous stuff if you’re looking to get “accustomed” to this type of beer. Think of it as an entry-level Hefe.

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• Friday Roundup: The “That’s About Sums It Up” Edition
• Friday Roundup: The “Big 12 Primer” Edition

Again, we interrupt our regularly scheduled Friday Roundup to bring you a bit of news from Big 12 way in order to catch you, the college football fan, up on the Big 12 happenings before the season begins. If you missed it, check out our ACC Primer Roundup here.

The Roundup:

• Kansas: You meant to tell me the internet didn’t succumb to an avalanche of fine-dining-fat-jokes after Mangino got a raise?
• Kansas State: Hasn’t K-State always had a rich tradition of JUCOs?
• Missouri: It’s all about the Chase.
• Nebraska: Clearly Pelini never took Bob Davie’s 3-day course on expectation leveling.
• Baylor: They call it “the start of the Art Briles era.” We call it the beginning of the end.
• Oklahoma: So, about that whole, “will not be tolerated thing,” coach.
• Oklahoma State: He’s past it? Good for him. Does he think that means everyone else is past it?
• Texas: Mack Brown ticks off 330 people every year.
• Texas A&M: Isn’t it weird how both passion and a cold shower can be described as “invigorating?“
• Texas Tech: Can they pay the Pirate’s booty?
• Iowa State: Little is written about the Cyclones. This is the best I could do.
• Colorado: Kevin White apparently didn’t help create Colorado’s schedule.

And the beer of the week is not a beer at all. I linked this in the shoutbox, but given that Texas, Texas Tech, and Texas A&M all play in the Big 12, here’s a cool site for Texas Beer drinkers: Texas Beer Map. Hopefully they’ll soon enact manifest destiny and expand into “America Beer Map.”

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