Good Fridays w/Padre: Childs’ Play

I am hailed as the Founder of Notre Dame; also the first Postmaster (go figure).  These are great honorifics of which I am proud.  But the title closest to my heart has always been Father.  I consider all of you to be my loyal sons – and thanks to Ted’s innovations, loyal daughters.  Indeed, you are all my children.  I’m told there was a beautiful opera by that title, though I don’t recall it in Verdi’s or Wagner’s repertoire.

However, though I am called Father, I have never had children of my own, as I have no wife.  My bride is Holy Mother Church and I work for a Virgin.  Just as Father is a symbolic title, so too when I call you my children, that is symbolic…or perhaps it is metaphorical…maybe even analogous…


Ways in which Notre Dame Alumni are like Children

Children cry over spilled milk; alumni cry over plastic grass

Children have one favorite cartoon they love to watch over and over; alumni have Rudy

Children all want their own pet doggie; alumni all want their own pet Leprechaun

Children will eat anything sweet; alumni will eat anything from South Dining Hall or the Morris Inn

Children have trouble walking when very young; alumni have trouble walking after tailgating

Children want anything bright, shiny, or bouncy; alumni want anything from the Bookstore

Children call the most important person in the world Dad; alumni call him Father Hesburgh

Children, when babies, can fill a diaper; alumni, during an Irish overtime, can fill a pair of plaid pants

Children love Mommy; alumni love the Blessed Virgin Mother

Children like brightly-colored drinks; alumni like amber-colored drinks

HLS EFS CSC Tailgating

Children think they came from the stork; alumni think they came from Ireland

Children like to give meaningless orders to younger siblings; alumni like to do the same to Brian Kelly

Children sulk after they are spanked; alumni sulk after the Irish get spanked

Children who think about exciting events lie awake until dawn; alumni who think about beating USC and Michigan lie awake until dawn

Children think they know everything; alumni know they know everything

Children love stories about cute, imaginary, little elves; alumni love Lou Holtz

Children spit-up a lot when they were babies; alumni spit-up a lot when they were in Senior Week

Children love to spend hours playing with toys; alumni love to spend hours watching men playing with a ball

Children think they are the most loved and important people in adults’ lives; so do alumni

Children dream of attending Notre Dame; alumni dream of when they did

HLS EFS CSC Sleeping Child

HLS EFS CSC Sleeping Alumni


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  • KyNDfan

    (Standing ovation) Bravo!!!

  • trey

    Well, since I’m not an alumnus I cant really speak to the validity of this. However:

    Children, if given the chance to dress themselves, attire themselves in the most hideous garb , Subway Alumns mix and match “The Shirt” with any number of ND hats, pants, green socks, etc.

    Children have an irrational sense of wonderment and are ignorant of the world, Subway alumns have an irrational sense of attachment to a university they never attended and are ignorant of what it is really like to be a student.

    Children drink suicides from the soda fountain, Subway Alumns drink the most vile hooch known to man(and post recipes on blog sites for other Subway goofs to try).