Evidently we’re playing something called the Air Force Academy this weekend. I’ve never really understood what an “Air Force” actually is. We never had one in France – and if we had (let’s be honest) they would have found a way to surrender promptly. We never had an Air Force back when I was starting my Northern Indiana adventure. We were still doing cavalry charges and using sabers. So this is all rather odd to me. As I have studied the issue, it seems that the Air Force maintains many airplanes with which they patrol our skies and those around the world. Why they wear bus-driver uniforms is still beyond me. But they also breed and keep falcons as their mascots. We used to have a live animal as our mascot; it was a foul-tempered little Irish Terrier – think of the canine version of the Leprechaun, only hairier and without thumbs.
Considering that the Air Force has planes and vicious birds of prey, they could be fairly intimidating. But I happen to know that Our Lady’s University has the support of much more ancient and powerful winged masters of the sky: The Archangels. Thus, as we go out into the rarified mountain air to challenge and defeat the Falcons of the United States Air Force Academy, let us call upon our defenders in battle.
His name means “Who is like God.” Seems a little arrogant to me, but he’s damn awfully effective at fighting Satan. Since we beat The Great Satan last week, we can be assured of Michael’s continued assistance in the next outing for the Irish. Joshua (you know him as the fellow who ripped the rug out from under Moses and destroyed a city with music) referred to Michael as “Captain of the host of The Lord.” Hence, he’s pretty much going to have Brian Kelly’s back against the falcons.
The name of this holy helper means “God is my strength.” Sounds good; and Gabriel has a couple things going for him. First, he is The Lord’s messenger, bringing words of support and strength to The Lord’s own. In which case, Gabriel is either working for Sports Information or for the FIDM Office – maybe both. The second thing about Gabriel is his horn, which he blows to indicate the favor of The Lord. So he’s pretty much the director of the Band of the Fighting Irish. There’s this other…thing…and I’m not making this up…from the Book of Enoch, wherein the discourse between The Lord and Gabriel is as follows: “Proceed against the bastards and the reprobates, and against the children of fornication, and destroy them.” Clearly, this is a reference to USC; so we know Gabriel is working hard for us, since he helped us bring victory back to our home last weekend.
A very important semi-divinity to have on hand, since he is “God heals.” No more neck-strain, no more twisted knees – Dr. Raphael is on our sidelines to give strength and heal…you just can’t see him. Raphael also was responsible for disturbing the waters of the Pool of Bethesda where those who were sick would wait for this sign of God’s healing. Healing…water…obviously Raphael will be with our trainers and our managers tomorrow.
I know this name sounds like a pill you take for an…ehem…embarrassing physical condition. But he’s actually an Archangel of the Lord. And his name means “Light of God.” Since we buried the demons from Southern California under our own lights, and since we’re not kicking-off until 4:00 tomorrow, we can count on Uriel to be running the technical details for us.
“Prayer of God” – he’s working with our chaplain and all the CSCs firing-away with the Paternosters and Rosaries behind the scenes.
He is the patron of all who work in positions of responsibility for the Glory of God. He’ll have his arm over Jack Swarbrick’s shoulder all night.
This is the protector of those who work for justice, fairness, harmony, and vengeance. His name means “Friend of God.” And so this is the Archangel who will be with all of us fans in the stands tomorrow.
With our own divine Forces of the Air like this, we cannot lose.
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