Good Fridays w/Padre: Verses Versus

Take heart!  All the signs point to it – Spring is near!  It’s a new month, the month of rebirth: Easter, bunnies, and eggs.  Camp Kelly is beginning; people are already making plans for the Blue & Gold Game.  And the Pope emerged from his palace, saw his shadow, and flew to the hills.  Everything old is soon to be new again, even if our blighted weather continues to oppress us.  I recently picked up a book which I thought was a meditation on Indiana winters; it was called 50 Shades of Grey.  Oh, no no no no – it is NOT about our weather.  Instead, let’s look forward to 40 shades of green; and by that I mean the new basketball uniforms.

As the poet tells us, in the Spring a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love.  For Notre Dame lads and lasses alike, that means they start getting warm feelings deep down about their true loves – sports and religion.  What else stirs the blood and excites the senses like these?  And one of my most cherished Notre Dame athletic traditions marks the return of Spring: Bookstore Basketball.  It is in the team names that students choose for this tournament, that we see what’s really always on their minds, what they think about constantly…sports and religion.  You were going to suggest something else?  I don’t know what that would be.

With midterms looming, I don’t want students taking too much precious thought time away from academic work and spending hours in class trying to come up with Bookstore Basketball team names (they would never do that).  So I present here a few suggestions.  Students, you may use these freely without giving me any credit – just like everything else at Notre Dame.

For inspiration, let’s look to the Good Book…

HLS EFS CSC Golden Calves






Golden Calves – Exodus 32:1-4

Pillars of Salt – Genesis 19:26

Rock Dashers – Psalm 137:9

Big Diana and the Ephesians – Acts 19:28

Gnashing Teeth – Matthew 8:12

Mauling Bears – 2 Kings 2:23-34

Sons Who Smell Like the Field – Genesis 27:27

Adams Five Best Ribs – Genesis 2:22

Loathsome Brothers – Job 19:17

Dorcas, Ham, Nimrod, Zippor, and Jobab – Old Testament

Jawbones of an Ass – Judges 15:15

Men Who Lap Like Dogs – Judges 7:4-8

Hairy Nazirites – Judges 16:17

Five Husbands of a Samaritan Woman – John 4:18

Deadly Tent Pegs – Judges 4:21-22

Talking Asses – Numbers 22:21-29

Beer for the Perishing – Proverbs: 31:6

Better Than Ten Sons – 1 Samuel 1:8

Driving Like Madmen – 2 Kings 9:20

Dropping Like Eutychus – Acts 20:9

Pouring Out Like Libations – 2 Timothy 4:6

Moves like Salome – Mark 6:14-29

Get Behind Us Satan – Matthew 16:23







Eunuchs for the Kingdom – Matthew 19:12

Wise Virgins – Matthew 25:1-13

Lewdness of Youth – Ezekiel 23:21

Half-Naked Davids – 2 Samuel 6:20

Bare Egyptian Buttocks – Isaiah 20:3-4

Twin Fawns and Three Lilies – Song of Songs 4:5

Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuchs – Acts 8:26-40

Young Stags at the Lattice – Song of Songs 2:9

Mourning Our Virginity – Judges 11:37

Returning to Vomit – Proverbs 31:6

Stephen and His Stoners – Acts 6:8








Angels with Fiery Swords – Genesis 3:24

Dry Bones – Ezekiel 37:2

Fashioned with a Tool – Exodus 32:4

Faster Than Hosea’s Wife – Hosea 1:2

Judah, Onan, and the In-Laws – Genesis 38

Philistine Foreskins – 1 Samuel 18:25

The Sword on Ehud’s Thigh – Judges 3:16-23

Don’t Grab the Private Parts – Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Emasculation by Crushing – Deuteronomy 23:1

Greased Hands – Proverbs 27:15-16

Women Caught in Adultery – John 8:1-11

Corrupt Seed – Malachi 2:3

Five Golden Hemorrhoids – 1 Samuel 6:4-5

Gomorrah Didn’t Make It Either – Genesis:19

Don’t Touch Me – John 20:17

Meat Coming Out Your Nose – Numbers 11:19-20

Hairy Hands – Genesis 27:23

Cucumbers and Melons – Numbers 11:5

And if any of these fine team names are censored by spoil-sport administrators, then just substitute John11:35…

Jesus Wept*

HLS EFS CSC Jesus Basketball



*Or should it be, “Jesus Leapt”



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