Good Fridays w/Padre: Mysteries

A bye-week is a good time for contemplating and meditation.  Here are some imponderables to ponder in peace.

Sorrowful Mysteries

How the Stadium was expanded by 20,000 seats, yet its crowd noise was cut in half.  Is this a suspension of the laws of acoustics and physics?  Was the stadium expansion designed by a group of 8th-graders for a science class project? Is there such a thing as home-field disadvantage?

Why the Stadium grass no longer holds up after only a single game.  Does it sense its impending replacement by a synthetic floor toupée?  Did the 8th-graders who designed the Stadium expansion ruin the field, too?  Does the grass just miss Rockne?

Why the gold plastic thrones are always empty.  Are they painful to sit in, or just too ugly?  Are the occupied by specters invisible to humans?  Did the 8th-graders who designed the Stadium expansion work hard to select the most eye-catching color for an empty seat?

Why it has taken so long to see 4-0.  Have we been subject to some ancient curse?  Were we finding coaches by using a phone book and a stickpin?  Is it actually the Stadium’s fault?

Why optimism is dead.  Have Faith and Hope converted to another religion?


Joyful Mysteries

How the ushers have transmogrified from curmudgeons into cheerleaders.  Have they been born again?  Did Professor Kelly frighten them?  Did someone put some Chartreuse in their chartreuse vests?

How the Band and the press box have made peace.  Did the Band agree that there are just certain sounds they can’t make?  Did the press box realize that the Stadium is neither a high school basketball game nor a strip club?  Did they sing Kumbaya together?

How fans of a brutal sport have rejoiced in flower garlands.  Could there be a less intimidating act than decorating oneself with blossoms?  Does the Hibiscus Kokio imbue its wearer with unnatural strength and enthusiasm?  If the students continue to flourish with flowers with the Irish continue to win?

How a game in Chicago counts as a home game.  Has this been done because the big city has more prison capacity for Miami players?

How the most daunting schedule is suddenly looking quite manageable.  Has The Lord determined that our years wandering in the desert are at an end?  Has he finally started listening to His Mother?


Glorious Mysteries

How a lad from an atoll in the middle of the Pacific Ocean has brought victory to Northern Indiana.

How the Irish end zone has been declared off-limits to opponents.

How a mere 8,400 undergraduates can make so much noise.

How a small Catholic boarding school created a football team that has remained relevant for a century while so many others have come and gone.

Four Wins and No Losses.


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