Friday Roundup: “The Rise of Golson” Edition

Hat tip to @rakesofmallow and @NDEddiemac for the inspiration of what follows…

[In a dark corner of South Bend, Brian Kelly and Everett Golson look upon a motionless Tommy Rees, incapacitated from a devastating tackle from a member of the SBPD...]

Kelly: It’s all over…all of Tommy’s wins, even the one against Southern Cal…they are all undone. [Looks to Golson] Whatever chance we had of developing you to be ready is over. It dies with Tommy’s arrest. We bet it all on him. The turnovers–they tore Rees down. The fans will lose hope…

Golson: They won’t…they must never remember what he did.

Kelly: 32 interceptions…the toughest schedule in the nation in 2012. You can’t sweep that up.

Golson: But our opponents can’t win. Notre Dame needs its true hero.

Kelly: NO!

Golson: “You either stand around with a red cap on the sidelines, or take enough snaps under center and face all the criticism.” I can do all these things because I’m only a redshirt quarterback, not the incumbent starter like Rees. I committed all those turnovers and more during practices…name me the starter…

Kelly: But you can’t! You didn’t do those things!

Golson: I’m whatever Notre Dame needs me to be. Call my number.

Kelly: Our opponents…they’ll swarm you.

Golson: They’ll swarm me. The media will try to crucify me, set the dogs on me. [Turns to Kelly with purpose] But it’s what needs to happen. Because sometimes…sometimes another year of easing into development isn’t enough. Sometimes the fans deserve more. Sometimes they deserve to have their faith in raw talent rewarded.

[Golson straps on his helmet and runs under center. A confused Grantland-X approaches Kelly...]

Grantland: GOLSON! GOLSON! Why is he going under center, coach?!

Kelly: Because we have to start him.

Grantland: But he isn’t ready…

Kelly: Becuase he’s the quarterback Notre Dame deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll start him–let him take his lumps because he can take it. He’s not just a quarterback. He’s an elite recruit. He’s full of talent. Our starting quarterback.

[Golson lines up under center for the first snap against Navy...meanwhile, in Southern Cal]

  Bane Kiffin: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Put These Games on Your Radar

Yep, that’s right, between now and the next Roundup, we will have actual football!

#9 South Carolina @ Vanderbilt, Thursday, August 30, 7pm EST, ESPN – It’s the first game to have a ranked team play. Gets in pretty much by default. Also, Vanderbilt has a habit of pulling upsets out of their hat when you least expect it.

Eastern Michigan @ Ball State, Thursday, August 30, 7pm EST, ESPN3 - Your first dose of MACtion.

Washington State @ BYU, Thursday, August 30, 10:15pm EST, ESPN - Mike Leach is back. Enough said.

#24 Boise State @ #13 Michigan State, Friday August 31, 8pm EST, ESPN - Quite an interesting opening matchup for Sparty. Should be good entertainment, plus an early scouting opportunity for a future Irish opponent.

The Roundup

Oklahoma schools are just trying to put kids on the right track. I fully back not allowing a child to wear a Skunkbear shirt.

It’s not quite college, but close enough. These are the artistic “abilities” of the NFL’s rookie class.

Your school’s pride, now for breakfast. I’m not even sure what to think about this.

Have you ever played football…ON WEEEEEED? Michigan might have, against Appalachian State no less.

Smart Football has another must read. This one takes a look at the “packaged” play, a concept that ND often uses.

Subway Domer makes me want to go to Ireland. Seriously, this guest post makes me supremely jealous that I will be watching this game in my house.

The Beer

I’m making this week’s beer selection as a reader’s choice. This is a celebration of a new QB. Pick your favorite brew, whatever it may be, and let the good times roll. Let me know what you’ll be drinking in celebration this weekend in the comments.

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