As I thought about what to write about for this year’s version of the Blue/Gold game, I wondered what exactly I should focus on. The QB Battle? The D-Line situation? Do we actually have enough WRs to field two teams? Do we have enough DBs to cover them?
With these burning questions in running through my head, I saw this year’s version of the scoring rules for the spring game and it hit me. There will only be one thing that this game will have in common with any game in the upcoming season: drinking.
Oh sure, we will have plenty of time to analyze every last detail of this scrimmage until September (and we will definitely do so in this space), but for now, let’s have a bit of fun with this. I mean, if Kelly can make up an arbitrary scoring system for a football game and completely neuter the special teams, I think it’s only fair that I create arbitrary rules for getting completely hammered while I watch.
First off, you are to pick a team in which to cheer/drink for. For every point scored on you (yes, even the weird defensive ones), take a drink. Think you’re a tough guy? Drink for both teams.
In between all the strange scoring that will make little to no sense, you will also take additional drinks for the following events:
Opposing offense gains a first down: 1 Drink (if drinking for both teams, 1 drink for any first down)
Any turnover: 2 drinks
If the turnover was Rees’ fault: 4 drinks
If Rees managed to turn the ball over in the red zone: Finish your drink and throw the empty bottle at the TV (Note: HLS is not responsible for damage should you actually do this)
Any sack: 1 drink
Should Aaron Lynch be mentioned on the broadcast after said sack: Finish your drink and cry/curse the fact that he’s gone
Any penalty: 1 drink
Should that penalty be because of excessive celebration: Take another drink
Should that penalty be roughing the snapper: Marvel at the fact that ND is the only team to ever pull this feat off during a spring game and finish your drink
Any fair catch: 1 drink (because seriously, why not?)
If Goodman does it: Take another drink
Should anyone around you complain about the fair catches or ask why we won’t return the damn punt: Make them finish their drink (Bonus points: Ice them)
If we run any play out of the wildcat (aka Leprecat): 1 drink
If the broadcast actually calls the wildcat the Leprecat: Take another drink
Any time the QB battle is mentioned on the broadcast: 1 drink
Any time a ND player is mentioned in regards to the NFL draft: 1 drink
If the player mentioned is Floyd: 2 drinks (here is a good spot as any to remind you to designate a driver while playing this game)
Any time Brian Kelly is caught on camera yelling at a player: 1 drink
Should Kelly’s face turn red: Take another drink
Should Kelly’s face turn purple: Finish your drink
your day drinking the game!