Biscuit, Biscuit, Biscuit!!! (aka Please Put Me on Scholarship)

Okay, so this result is fairly unlikely, but a blogger can dream, can’t he?

Her Loyal Readers, the time has come. It is time for me, The Biscuit, to don an Irish uniform, to place the Gold Helmet upon my ever-so-slightly-thinning hair, and to take part in ND’s Annual Fantasy Camp.

This is a goal, a dream, and an opportunity for hilarity for you, as I limp off the field each day and relay every horrible ache, strain and broken bone on this blog. Let me assure you: other than my time as a walk-on kicker at ND, I have never played football. I was an athlete oh so many years ago, but I’ve never run a real route, I’ve never really blocked and I’ve never really, really been hit. So this will, most likely, be a complete disaster. Luckily, I’ll likely be up against a bunch of old dudes that generally suck so it’ll all work out in the end.

Either way, you will get a day-by-day diary of my experiences, mishaps and injuries.

But, there’s a catch. AH THE CATCH!

This camp costs money, and since we at HLS do not serve any ads, we have no budget for a trip like this. I am putting up a good chunk of the cost, and I am going to forego the fancier parts (e.g. I’ll be crashing on a friend’s couch rather than a hotel and will be eating Burger King for most meals) but even with these reductions it’s still a hefty bill: flight, the costs of the program, eating, car rental, etc. So with all that, I am coming up a bit short.


Oh HerLoyalReaders, you know you get minutes…maybe even hours…of enjoyment from this blog. HOURS. And we never ask for anything other than your ridicule, scorn and as much commenting as possible. You see no ads, we have no membership fees and we have not yet asked for or received donations. Well, time to pay up you freeriders.

I kid. I kid. But, I would love to go to this Camp and lay a hit on some random 40 year old dude with a bad knee. And I am sure you’d all pay something to hear about how badly that dude destroys me.

So, we’re looking for donations to help out this cause. I think it’s a worthy one.

For now, please post a Pledge amount to the comments here or email us at the email address in the upper right. We’ll count up the ‘receipts’ and see if we’re close enough where I can go this year. If not, we’ll continue the drive through 2011, and hope for a 2012 experience. But let’s make it happen now. Let’s put our hearts, hands and wallets together for…ME! I promise a detailed and painful daily diary recounting the experience top to bottom, and (hopefully, if allowed) some video footage to go along with it.

C’mon guys, help me out: PUT ME ON SCHOLARSHIP!

(thanks in advance to anyone generous enough to help out – you are a special soul and I am eternally grateful. to the rest of you cheap freeriders – you suck)

Let’s make this happen. For the good of all humanity. GO IRISH!

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  • OderName

    $35 pledged.

    Looking forward to the daily recounts from this!

  • AKMatt

    Holy crap! $4,995 just for the camp.
    I’ll pledge $20. We want pictures!

  • Ryan

    I want to be on scholarship too!

  • SDI

    Biscuit–how much are you trying to raise? Any chance of getting ND to trade ad space at HLS for reduced camp dues? Could be some sort of cross promotional deal.

    • The Biscuit

      We’re chatting with them – my guerilla approach to attending should cut down my costs a bit, but it’s still not cheap. If I can raise $1,000 or maybe a bit more, I think I can make it happen.

      ODER AND MATT, THANK YOU!!! Whether it works out or not, that’s awesome. Thanks guys.

  • BurbankSteve

    I got a Benjamin right here with your name on it – I’ve taken a pic and posted it to Facebook. You’d better make it worth my while with insightful journalism, or I’ll call down the ghost of Grantland Rice to haunt your dreams.


      See, this is what I was worried about: People start paying for things on the site, and then they get inflated expectations of our performance!

  • BurbankSteve

    Oh also – I fly a lot and have a bazillion air miles – I’ll pledge a round trip flight on United if you promise to be nice to the flight attendants and don’t try to drink the booze cart dry.

    • BurbankSteve

      As long as Missy Conboy doesn’t veto that as a breach of NCAA regs :)

    • The Biscuit

      You the man Burbank!

  • The Subway Domer

    Put me down for $30. It’s the least I can do as the biggest sellout in the Notre Dame Blog Community.

    • BurbankSteve

      How’d you sell out? We need to know ..

      • The Subway Domer

        I haven’t met a single advertiser that I won’t put up on the site. If someone wants to pay me to blog, by all means… Pay me. The dinner-dates that happen because of them keep the wife happy.

        • BurbankSteve

          Understood and totally forgiven


    Trying to figure out how much to donate. As soon as I reach you on my list of the needy, I’ll let you know. :(

  • BSweet

    Fellas – I’m a huge fan of the site. I definitely get many hours of enjoyment. Put me down for $40. Let’s make this happen this year, so let us know if yo come up short and I’ll hold a bake sale.

  • http://rut4nd TLNDMA

    On the way to work today saw a guy holding a sign that read- hungry, homeless, want to go to ND fantasy camp, can you help? God bless. Look’s like you started something Bman.


    I told Biscuit he could have a fund-raiser on the site if he did it in a funny way.

    Ah well.

    • The Biscuit


  • NWohioND

    Biz…put me down for $20…I’m 33 and have aches/pains now…and I don’t exercise…nice knowing you…

  • Mark G

    I’m in for $100.

    I thought of going to the camp myself, for about 5 seconds, but then remembered (1) oh, right, I have no cartilage in my left knee, (2) I had no skill as a player even in high school (which is why I played left guard) and (3) I’m so old that … wait … oh shoot, I forgot what I was going to say.

    • The Biscuit

      Super generous Mark, much appreciated. You guys are freaking awesome.

  • Wilhelm ND ’80

    Put me down for $25 . . . this is so totally worth it. Be sure to let me know where to send the check once you the pledge drive is complete (gee, whiz, this is just like PBS, albeit a more “low brow”)

    • Wilhelm ND ’80

      Wow, you’d never know I had a ND edumacation . . . how about “once the pledge drive is complete (gee whiz, this is just like PBS, albeit a bit more “low brow”)”

    • The Biscuit

      I will be sure to injure myself in some serious way to make the $25 feel like a bargain.

  • Mayhem

    Biscuit….I’ll be there. I went last year also. A word of advice….Start training now, if you don’t your hammies will be shot after the first Diaco Defensive practice. Email me….

    • The Biscuit

      Nice. Email me at the gmail address in the upper corner there. I have to start training for an Adventure Run in April anyway, so I’m starting to get at it now regardless. Still not sure if I have the funds together yet, but should be clear in about a week.

  • TXIrish2

    I’m broke but I’ll give you $20. The camp does look bad-ass.

  • TubaPete

    I’ll pledge $25. Not sure how this will work (the pldege part.) I hope you can make it.