Things I’ve Enjoyed More Than ND Football

This isn’t commentary on Kelly. Or Weis. Or any coaching staff, players, or individual games. This is simply commentary on the state of being a ND football fanatic over these, the 15 or so seasons since Lou Holtz let us know he was leaving. Just off the top of my head, here are 10 things I know I enjoyed more than any moment of ND Football:

  1. My last golf outing: I used to be a pretty damned good golfer. But since summer of 1996, I’ve only golfed 6 times. The last time, I shot a 116. I’m not even remotely competent now, but that was fun compared to the last 15 years of ND football, and nobody actually enjoys golf.
  2. My last dental cleaning/exam. No cavities. I’ve never had a cavity. That said, I normally get lectured about flossing every day, and I didn’t this time. Plus now they’ve got this ultrasonic thing, makes your teeth look awesome, takes about 5 minutes to clean the entire mouth, and the ringing in your head goes away just a few days later.
  3. Insomnia. I would have missed out on so many really great re-runs of Law and Order without it.
  4. A colonoscopy. Great news, no polyps.
  5. Buying a used car. The “process” finally came to an end, and aside from a devastating strike by an unusually large racoon at 75 mph, the car has run flawlessly.
  6. Hitting an unusually large raccoon at 75mph. Nobody will believe me when I explain how this f-er nearly killed my car, but it makes for a pretty good story.
  7. Tax returns. Woo hoo! Credits for getting married! Woo hoo! Credits for having kids!
  8. Mono. Got to eat nothing but milkshakes for a week, still lost 24 lbs.
  9. Hurricane Dean. St. Lucians are a wonderful, resilient people, who are all too happy to serve you fruity drinks and hook you up to a zip-line just a day after the affair.
  10. Northwestern Airlines. I was 23. I was in Detroit for a year on a consulting gig. Vegas was just a direct, first-class flight away.
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  • bpeters1

    Thanks, I needed the laugh

  • RW

    Epic writing in classic form! Keep it coming

  • MattM

    In 2007 I told myself, “Oh well, it can’t get any worse than this.” That was probably the second or third time I told myself that. And now I find myself saying it again. God, I pray that it really can’t get any worse than this.

  • http://rut4nd TLNDMA

    I had a girlfriend like this. Went out with her for 8 1/2 yrs. So much about her was great, so much about her was maddening. I finally realized the maddening part was never going to change, it hasn’t.. I’m still friends with her and also with her soon to be ex. I have much empathy for that poor guy. Some delusional folks have suggested I’ll end up back with her, they’re crazy.
    Anyone who compares this to 86′ is also crazy, it does not feel like that at all. It may turn out ok in a couple years but, there is no similarity to 86′.

  • daybreakboys

    I am fully convinced that God and the Devil is reenacting the Book of Job with Notre Dame fans being Job.

    There’s no other reason.

    Tulsa (A Slut spelled backwards) is the smallest FBS school in the country. 3,000 students. And they beat the balls off of us.

    There should be a mass jersey burning on the campus by the fans. This is disgusting.

    Bench the entire first string for the year and play the back ups for some experience. Its the only good thing we can get out of this year.

    Rees looks good. But defense has shown ZERO progression.

    See you all in two weeks for Floyd and Teo vs Utah.

  • The Biscuit

    Can someone tell me why we didn’t just run it a couple times and just kick the fg at the end of the game when we had the ball on the 19?

    • DayBreakBoys

      Yeah. MAJOR coaching error there

    • ActionPak1

      Ya know? I asked my wife same question an she didn’t think that kicking the field goal was all that crazy of an idea either.

      • Erik ’04

        Here’s Kelly’s answer: “Because we had Floyd on a 1-on-1 situation.”

        My response to him would be “who friggin cares? You’ve got a true freshman QB playing in just his 3rd game, you don’t NEED a touchdown, and you’ve got a kicker who holds the ND record with 18 field goals in a row. Just run it back to the middle on 2nd down, and kick the field goal on 3rd down to win the game.” I was very disappointed by the call, and more disappointed by Kelly’s reaction to it after the game: “Get used to it, we’ll do that again every time.”

        • http://herloyalsons irishjh2

          You are so right.We have regressed past Charlie to Willingham.Twice there were too many men on the field-a regular occurence with Ty.3 points with no time left is a win.We didn`t need a TD.I think we have a little arrogance showing from the coach.Plus, now we lost our 3rd recruit in 3 weeks.

        • GB

          Also, by the time Floyd got to the end zone, there were 2 guys on him.

  • Ben

    People who keep bagging on the defense really need to step back and re-evaluate. Our defense played just fine yesterday, and has for much of the season (save for Navy and Stanford). Tulsa got a TD on a punt return and another on a tipped interception. They got two more points on a blocked PAT. Is that on Diaco?

    This loss is NOT on our defense. If anyone needs their asses kicked it is our piss poor Special Teams (not Ruffer, though).

    Get off the Diaco/defense. They’ve done their job. If the rest of the team wouldn’t hang them out to dry it’d be alright.

    • DayBreakBoys

      This team couldnt stop Tulsa OR Western Michigan. We got lucky against WMU with interceptions. Otherwise they marched up and down the field on us constantly.

      This defense is worse than a JV high school’s.

      • Ben

        They held Tulsa to 12 (?) points and right around half of their normal offensive production.

        Do you even know what you’re talking about?

        • xm

          fellas, fellas! you’re getting distracted. this one’s on kelly. came down to one play call and he blew it. worse than i’ve ever seen.

          • Erik ’04

            Agree, xm The call to throw to Floyd at the end of the game in the endzone is egregious.

            The defense played solid for the middle 75% of the game. Gave up points early, and poinst late.

        • daybreakboys

          Yes, Ben, I believe I do know what I am talking about. But do you?

          Offensive yards given up by ND’s defense this year:

          PU – 322
          UM – 532
          MSU – 477
          Stan – 404
          BC – 270
          Pitt – 382
          WMU – 314
          Navy – 438
          Tulsa – 399!

          Do you see what I am talking about now?

    • GB


      Tulsa had 399 yards total yards against ND with 5.2 yards per run and 5.8 yards per pass. No way is that good. ND ranks #80 in the country in total defense. The main stat is yards per game at 393 YPG. WMU and Indiana are both rated higher than ND. If that is progress to you then we have different standards.

  • BigE

    There is so much wrong with this team, and it starts with coaching, game planning and in game adjustments or lack there of.

  • IrishMoon

    This team has shown some progress considering we’re missing over half our offensive position starters. The playcalling has been atrocious. The defense only gave up 13 points and some of those on very short fields. The team played with heart after an emotional week and Kelly pissed away their effort by refusing to kick a field goal. That’s the second game he is responsible for losing on that decision. I really hope he figures it out.

  • http://rut4nd TLNDMA

    B-man, Holtz on espn last night tried to defend Kelly’s decision, couldn’t get himself to do it. He tried but, the words would not come out. He wanted to but, must have realized he would only be lying to himself and eveyone else. There is no reason not to kick the FG. No reasonable one anyways.
    Can’t bag on Kelly for whole game, he called a couple of beautiful plays. The decision at the end though was illogical.
    How was Ole Miss?

  • Bubba Du Lac

    Finally! Something funny on this site….

  • Erik ’04

    Question for the group: Is there a helmet-to-helmet rule in college football?? Am I wrong to think that the player who knocked Crist out of the game would have been ejected and fined if this were the NFL? He f’ing headbutted Crist in the side of his temple at full speed. I’m very surprised his knee is the only result of that hit.

    • domer_mq

      There is a helmet-to-helmet rule, and while that element of the hit didn’t wreck Crist’s knee, I don’t think, it certainly should have been called.

      Sort of shocking, b/c that ref crew called a very tight game.

    • trey

      I thought there should have been a penalty on that play when I saw it, too. However, what the F*** was Crist thinking not going OOB anyway?

  • trey

    I had a couple root canals. At least the Vicodin was a good high.
    I’ve also had an ingrown toe nail removed whilst on laughing gas and demerol. I told the podiatrist a wonderful story about my cat being a whore. Both better than watching this crap on the field. To top Saturdays off, I’m also a Cowboys fan which just completely guarantees an absolutely shitty weekend continuously. It’s great.

  • Nate

    2 tours on the border between North and South Korea?

    Being on the receiving end of rocket attacks in Afghanistan?

    Being on skype with my wife when an IED goes off just outside the gate, and the conversation going “Honey, what was that??” “um…let me call you back…”?

    All about the same level of fun as ND football. Though much better than being a Cowboy fan.

    • daybreakboys

      I don’t know about MUCH better.

    • nddad09

      Nate, Is that you from BlueGray? So this is where you hang. Welcome home.The boy is with the Society now in Grand Cateou.

  • DeepTeaKup

    domer, I do miss those days of free weekend trips, complete with rental cars. I’d killl for a steak and a plate of chocolate chip cookies from Big Bucks right about now.

  • Mark G

    I know that I am a delusional Polyanna (in contrast to all of you Casandras), but I did not think that the play call on the interception was that bad a call by Kelly.

    The field goal was within our kicker’s range, but still a longish one, into the wind, with one extra point already blocked by their tall guy with great leaping ability, etc. So you would like to get closer. The play rolled our QB to the right (substantially reducing risk of sack), and giving him good look at our best receiver one-on-one. If the receiver does an out to the sideline and is open, you throw the ball to him (probably short of goal line but making the FG a chip shot). If he is not wide open, then QB either takes off running or throws ball out of bounds. Low risk (if executed correctly), medium return. Unfortunately, freshman QB (who otherwise played quite well) made poor choice. That’s what we get when we rest our hopes and dreams on an 18 year old.

    I know we gave up a lot of yards. However, if you had told me before the game that our defense would give up one offensive touchdown and two field goals to Tulsa, I would say we win.

    I was there, and overall, it was a weird game. Between the hook and ladder play for a TD, blocked extra point for 2 points, tipped ball returnd for TD, punt return for TD, reverse on a fake punt, etc., it was a hodge podge of odd plays.

    More importantly, the gloom hanging over the entire campus in light of Declan Sullivan’s death made the tailgates and the stadium as quiet and subdued as anything I’ve seen in 27 years of attending ND games.

    As I stomed out of the stadium, furious over the loss that did not need to be, I was almost envious of the laughing, smiling ND fans who clearly to do not let little things like losing ruin their day. Maybe I should care less – but I can’t.

    • The Biscuit

      Mark, I think my issue with your reasoning isn’t the reasoning itself. It’s that our Coach sees the world in black and white and somehow fails to realize that he can change his approach if the situation calls for it. If that were Clausen in there, I’m much more okay with the play call. I’d still say it’s wrong, but I would understand a bit more. Instead he had a kid that’s a true frosh backup, and he makes that call? NO way.

      In a world where execution isn’t a question. In a world where your plan works every time, this would be fine. But in this case, execution was a HUGE question mark. So, you run once more up the middle and kick. End of story.

      • Erik ’04

        It’s unlikely with two new posts that anyone’s still reading this one, but I agree with Biscuit. Running the ball on 2nd down requires execution of the handoff and of the RB not fumbling. Pretty low level of execution there. The play they ran requires a high level of execution on the shoulders of the freshman QB. I’d rather not put my chips “all-in” on that scenario. If Hughes or Wood fumbles on a running play, then we can be mad at the execution but at least proud that our coach put our guys in the “best position to win the game.” If Ruffer misses his first field goal in 19 tries because of the wind, then we can say “well, it’s a bad time for the streak to end, but I agree that he gave us the best chance to win the game there.” Throwing the ball to the endzone was an unnecessary risk, with very little reward.

        It’s different than the play at halftime against Michigan. We didn’t need the TD to win the game this time.

        • Mark G

          I will concede the point, given that Kelly has said that he actually was going for the end zone. I still say that a very low risk play would be to roll the QB right, have the best receiver on the field run a 10 to 15 yard out or come back (not giving safety time to come over, and not allowing corner to use end zone to his advantage), but we will never know.

  • NostraDomina

    I hit a large raccoon once going 45 mph. That effer tore my dad’s car up pretty badly. I had to try my best to hide it with duct tape. It didn’t really work (didn’t think it would, but…hey).

    I totally believe you about the raccoon story.

  • BurbankSteve

    I’ve watched BK screaming and yelling at his players when they screw up. I wanted to see Jack Swarbrick and Father Jenkins getting up in his grill and giving him a taste of his own.

    Boneheaded pass play-calling. Just run it again, get another couple of yards if you can, kick the field goal.

    I zipped my own equipment into my fly once. I enjoyed that more than watching that muttonhead play on Saturday.