Just Askin, The Answers: Part II

Glad ya'll enjoyed the first installment (except for that one dude, who sucks like a Skunkbear), so here we go with Round 2. This one won't yield the storybook style format of the first, but still some good Qs fired around by you, Her Loyal Readers.

Q1, from TXIrish2: "What has been the biggest success of Brian Kelly's coaching tenure thus far. What would you have done differently?"

You know, there's a million things to write about here. The successes have barely been achieved on the field to date. I see good things here and there, but then I see bads things right behind it. So more than individual player development, or even unit development, I'd say that his biggest success has been in getting players to own up. When Cierre Wood struggled, he put it on himself. When Floyd was dropping balls, he said "That's on me." Kelly has been quoted as saying that there's still too much excuse-making, and maybe that's true. But having guys take independent and personal responsibility in public is a good sign that that's likely happening behind the scenes too. And despite the potential loss of Prestwood this week, I'd say his other big success has been in recruiting. Kelly didn't need to pull in a Top 5 recruiting class this year, but thus far that's exactly what he's assembled. Top 20 would've been fine for a transition year, as the 2nd year is when you typically see a bump for a new staff. But having the haul in the Top 5 at this point is a great success, and signals to players, fans and other coaches that ND will keep recruiting in that top echelon.

Biggest failure? Well, he has 3 losses. And he made some seriously boneheaded (and not debatable!) decisions that materially impacted the first 2 of those. So those.

Q2, from JVH: Biscuit, how do you and DMQ know each other? And who can drink more?

DMQ and I were roommates our JR year in Dillon, and almost roommates the year before. Why not Sophomore year? Well, DMQ didn't like me. See, DMQ was roommates with "Big P", a huge redheaded dude that's one of the nicest guys in the world. Big P and I became tight Frosh year and wanted to room together, and we asked DMQ to be in a Triple with the two of us. I didn't know DMQ really really well, but he seemed like a nice dude, despite the fact that he never talked, danced like a black woman and only ate burgers and tuna on breadsticks. So we figured we had a cool setup going. Until we didn't. DMQ decided to go room with a couple other guys. No word on why at the time, but Big P and I went on to set up a double with feaux wood flooring and all was cool in the world. The next year, DMQ would reveal that he thought that 'these 2 egos wouldn't fit well in a room together', which is why he had bailed. Fair enough, I guess. I mean, I AM pretty damn good looking. Anyway, the next year we roomed/kicked together, and we've been friends since. There's barely room for both egos on this site (see: Debate THIS where I crush him and he never even responds), but I think we make it work okay.

As for who can drink more, I think it's all about the event. "Drinking" isn't an event. If you put us in an endurance race - say, 30 beers over the course of a day - I'm pretty sure I can take DMQ down. I'm a steady as she goes guy. If you asked us to drink quickly - shots, pounding, that kind of thing - DMQ would have me under the table in about a half hour. I can't hang in that way. So, I'd say it's a push. DMQ, feel free to add your own 2 cents here. (since we live on opposite coasts now, our drinking opportunities are much limited nowadays).

Q3, from Brad: Why do white people love Wayne Brady?

Who's Wayne Brady? #HIDESWAYNEBRADYDREAMCALENDAR

Now that's a handsome fella...

Next....

Q4, from Brad: If trapped on an island with a reincarnated Bo Schembechler, Pete Carroll, DickRod, Urban Meyer, and David Gordon, and you have a gun with only 4 bullets, who do you shoot and why?

This one runs the risk of being another book, but I think I can keep it short and sweet. Please note that this is a fictional account and I would not, in any way, ever harm anyone, let alone these pillars of American Heritage.

I don't think you can even go after Bo in this situation. First, he's been reincarnated. A bullet isn't going to do shite. He'd just come back again anyway. Plus, he'd have all kinds of good info. He'd be able to tell me all about Hell, and I could have a lot of fun rubbing in how he essentially CREATED the football program he loves to hate by trying to ban it. That'd actually be fun. Finally, if he's undead, he wouldn't need to eat, leaving more for me on this godforsaken island. So, no bullets for Bo.

Gordon was just a guy doing his job. Yeah, I wish he'd done it more poorly, but it's not like the dude was personally out to ruin ND's last chance at a MNC. Plus, ND let BC hang around in that game. I put that result way more on our team than on Gordon. And, he was a kicker too. We could knock some homemade footballs made from literal pig skin (wild boars on this island ya know) back and forth, and I'm guessing he's probably a decently normal dude today. He'd give me someone to talk to when Reincarnated Bo got annoying. (meaning, every 10 minutes)

So now we have Pete, Urban and DickRod, and 4 Bullets to spare. The Win Everyday By Paying Guy, the Total Scumbag Guy and the I Only Coach Felons guy. Good stuff.

First, we march Pete and RR over to the Others and trade for Kate and Hurley. I wouldn't kick Kate outta bed for eatin' crackers, and Hurley is hilarious. He'd eat too much, but clearly an upgrade. Pete and RR would likely end up in a polar bear cell or some garbage, and subjected to magnetism experiments. We wouldn't know, we'd be too busy following Hurley around as he talks to a not-there Jacob.

Urban wouldn't get off so easily. The Smoke Monster would need appeasing. And while the Monster wouldn't want Urban either, we figure we'd rather be safe than sorry. So we trudge up to the ruins, tie Urban to a tree, and say Bon Voyage to the Liar.

Gordon, Reincarnated Bo, Hurley, Kate and I spend the rest of our lives playing 2 on 2 with an all-time QB (Bo has to be QB because no one wants to tackle his worm-ridden, Hell-fire-toasted "flesh") with our homemade pigskin, eating coconuts (all but Bo) and playing poker (Bo cheats all the time, but we don't mind).

We save the bullets for the boar hunting. We'd need new footballs here and there, after all.

(I'm kind of a pacifist, and telling a story about who I would shoot just felt creepy...so? Lost.)