Urban Meyer Loves His Football Players, Hates His Family… If He’s Capable of “Love” and “Hate”

Hey, remember all that crap Urbs fed the world when he talked about how he wanted to recommit to his family? Remember the tale of how his daughter was so excited to get his father back? Yeah. It was all crap, and Urban Meyer is a football coaching robot with no need for things like “love of family.” But he finds plenty of use in manipulating humans.

“Sharrif was really confused and put a call into Coach Meyer. When they spoke Coach Meyer told him that he had a ‘dream’ the night before, and that Coach Meyer saw himself on the sideline coaching Sharrif. Told him that is was a “message from God that I should come back and coach, as I guess if it’s my time to die, I’d rather die on the sidelines coaching you than anywhere else in the world.

“Sharrif talked to us the next day and said Ohio State is great and all, but Coach Meyer said he would DIE for me. That’s pretty intense…

Urban Meyer is going to be on the sidelines at Florida in 2010. At this point, we are certain of that, and we’re pretty sure that Urban Meyer is a heartless football coaching robot. We imagine it must be difficult for Urban’s children to deal with the knowledge that they’re somehow, through the miracle of modern science, genetically related to a man with a fission device where his heart should be.