BEST WISHES TO TOM REYNOLDS IN THE 65TH YEAR OF HIS HUMAN INTERNSHIP

Good thinking, Tom. You’ve got one static billboard that’s costing you a fortune and will have to come down eventually. We’ve got the internet, cheap hosting, nightly backups, half a brain, a long memory, and a lot longer on this earth than you, you pseudo-simian waste of resources.

Turns out B&G had it right. It was Tom Reynolds, “former ND football player,” who placed that obnoxious billboard across the street from campus and right next to a billboard advertising Hannah and Friends, Charlie Weis’ charity organization for kids with special needs. Apparently he even lettered in 1967, back when the team had 43000 players on the roster and probably had to hand out monograms to everyone just to keep people from ditching for playing time at another school. This guy must be like Rudy Ruettiger, minus accomplishments, a sense of embarrassment, or a story that even artistic flourishes could make compelling. I imagine a conversation with Tom must be like speaking to an overly proud canister of baking flour.

I’ll tell you what Tom is thinking right now. He’s thinking to himself that those of us who are enraged with him are both “the vocal minority” and that we’re “Weis apologists.” He’s thinking these things because, on the list of things at which Tom excels, “thinking” never appears. He can’t, for the life of him, understand why anyone who cares about ND would have a problem with his actions. He refers to his “roughly 50″ supporters to reinforce his beliefs, even though the number, in all likelihood, is closer to 1. Funny how he gets real fuzzy about the specifics. “Roughly 50,” Tom? Can’t actually count up all those people who supported you in this endeavor? And he’s thinking these things because he doesn’t “get” Notre Dame.

Since my time as a freshman in the late 90s, I’ve heard the accusation that various people don’t “get” Notre Dame, usually volleyed at members of more recent graduating classes or administrators who look to mimic “aspirational peers.” It’s a nebulous notion, but it’s one that’s taken with great gravity by those who believe they, themselves, “get” Notre Dame. And it’s an accusation that’s not usually shot across the bow of “old timers,” particularly ones who “played football.” But there’s a nefarious secret that many associated with ND would rather not mention: Even back in the glory days, there were malignancies like Tom Reynolds walking about campus, enjoying all that ND has to offer without actually grasping any of it.

If Tom Reynolds understood anything about ND, then he’d understand our anger. He’d understand why we don’t care how it affects Charlie Weis. He’d understand why we find it completely unacceptable to behave as though Notre Dame were located in Ann Arbor, Michigan (sucks!) or Morgantown, WV. If Tom Reynolds understood anything about ND, then he’d feel too much shame from embarrassing his Alma Mater to give an interview about his deeds and instead ask the billboard company to take down his sign. Instead, if our thoughts ever reach Tom Reynolds, they’ll fall on deaf ears while someone else reads them to him.

Our best guess is Tom Reynolds is about 65 years old – relatively close to finishing up his human internship. And near as we can tell, by the end of it all, his entire legacy will be one poorly considered billboard on the side of a road in South Bend, Indiana.

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  • http://www.notUS.com The Biscuit

    Two key parts to the SBT article: 1) Swarbrick’s response is 100% right on. 2) this quote: “Reynolds said he and other former players sympathetic to his cause plan to wear green T-shirts emblazoned with the billboard’s message at Saturday’s Irish season-opener against Nevada”. I will be at that game. I will be seeking out these green t-shirts. These guys will get much more than a piece of my mind. And the later in the day they’re found, the more loud, obnoxious and embarrassing it will be for them. Because later = drunker.

  • http://domer.mq domer.mq

    If you see a guy wearing that shirt, just call him “Tom.” Because that’s who it probably is.

    Also, given all the t-shirts we had to turn inside out when we were students entering the stadium, he’d better be forced to do the same.

  • brendan

    His statement in the Tribune article that “they support Weis’ learning curve and hope for success this upcoming season” might be the most transparently disingenuous thing I’ve ever heard. That billboard smacks of smarmy condescension and his faux attempt to emphasize the “best wishes” part shows exactly what kind of character he is. I mean, really, who does something like this?

  • Mark

    Biscuit, your comment is completely correct from top to bottom. I will also be expressing my discontent with these green t-shirt wearing “uncle Tom’s.”

    Brendan, I agree, and I think it would be summed up best by saying: Fuck Tom Reynolds, seriously.

    How does this help anything?? How does showing visiting fans, and the opposition, the fact that you have no confidence in your program help this team? “Hey Notre Dame players, I know you have a ton of talent and we expect to win a lot of games, but your coach is an asshole, so good luck.”

    This part I love:
    “I’m not a good marketing guy anymore,” said Reynolds, who taught at ND for two years after retiring from the University of Texas. “I guess the ballplayers will be wearing them Friday before games and we’ll go to bars, so maybe people can buy them from us there. Whatever they can afford.”

    Yeah, please come to the ‘Backer and sell your t-shirts. If I happen to set them all on fire, so be it. Oh, and good to hear a marketing professor fucking forgets how marketing works a couple years after teaching. Here’s how marketing works, I scream “Tom Reynolds sucks” every time I see you and persuade more people to do it. Then everytime you show your face at Notre Dame, people yell “Tom Reynolds sucks.” I can record it and put it on youtube then it will be known as “viral marketing.”

    If I was a student at ND today, that billboard would not have made it more than 1 day. It would have been painted over immediately with a spray painted sign that says “Tom Reynolds loves the cock.”

  • san diego irish

    Mark–thanks for the early morning belly laugh.

  • Mike

    Great headline.

  • trey

    Mark…wow, dude. good stuff! Let me know when you get that posted on youtube, I’ll link it on my Facebook and Twitter. Show this a-hole how marketing works in this CENTURY.

  • BJDomer

    Mark, as soon as I find this billboard and get drunk enough that I, a) am able to think of a horribly stupid way to get up there; and b) don’t care if I fall and die/get arrested; Tom Reynolds’s message will hardly be readable underneath your inspired words.

  • san diego irish

    How high is that sign? Do college kids these days still use water balloon launchers? Seems safer than drunken sign scaling.

  • AnnArborIrish

    Biscuit, Domer, whoever it takes to make this happen:

    We need an open letter to ND Students challenging them to carry out Mark’s manifesto. Better still if you can unite the clans blog-style and get the other ND blogs to post the same: a call to the students to show some pride, get FIGHTIN’, get behind the team AND it’s coach, and make that mother fucker illegible. Standing up for your team and the rest of the ND family is part of “getting” Notre Dame.

  • http://www.yourmother.com The Biscuit

    AAI – we can’t use this as a forum to promote vandalism, but I can’t say that I’d be bummed out if some such event happened.

  • http://domer.mq domer.mq

    AnnArborIrish,
    We understand various other parties are prepping responses. And like Biscuit said, we can’t really encourage certain acts here. For instance, we can’t put up a post encouraging everyone to report Tom Reynolds and his cohort to ND security of selling unlicensed merchandise on campus. And we can’t suggest that, if you see someone wearing one of those t-shirts in the stands, you use that 41513 text messaging service to report them as drunk and disorderly. So we don’t suggest you do those things.

  • heyNDlosers

    lol… take a joke… I know that you attempt to cover for your own insecurities and lack of character by clinging to some mystique about a pretty ordinary four-year university that churns out thousands of graduates every year….

    who cares about some guy’s billboard? really it’s that big of a deal?

    the best response would be for your football team to actually win some games against solid football teams and not just the Hadley school for the Blind…

    your response to report him for selling unlicensed merchandise or text him in as drunk and disorderly? LOL… why not give him a stern reprimand in a slightly evelated tone of voice, that’ll show him…. and call him a meanie….

  • BJDomer

    heyNDlosers, take your own advice, bud. I am pretty sure that DMQ is joking about text-reporting these people. And the unlicensed merchandise need not be reported, as I’m sure he’ll be caught by either NDSP (for capitalizing on the ND name) or state/local law enforcement (I doubt he’ll be paying sales tax on shirts he sells. And Lord knows such an arrogant prick as he will try to profit off said sales. Plus, I’ll bet he doesn’t have a permit to sell them in the first place. This guy is staring at the perfect storm.) without us doing anything.
    As far as the billboard is concerned, I highly disagree with what he has to say. But that in itself is not my concern. Making a billboard of it has him in the running for Mr. Douche USA. You tell me that my best response would be for the football team to win some games this year. While I hope this happens, you should know that I have an very internal locus of control. I cannot leave the embarassment of Reynolds in the hands of our football team, no matter how capable they may be, because it defies who I am. So when I see people (Tom Reynolds) wearing that shirt, I will scream non-profane insults at them, as any good student should.

  • san diego irish

    Who’s the big loser here? ND fans talking about their team and their school, or you, with nothing better to do than post comments at opposing teams blogs–with a lame name no less?

  • Skm

    Why the dig on Ann Arbor, you guys should kick our a*@ again this year. Direct you digs to a more deserving program…say like ohio state

  • http://www.yourmother.com The Biscuit

    Wow, this is actually somewhat difficult to respond to. Is that English? I’m not at all sure. I’ll do my best…let me see:

    1) Ummmm, no I don’t cover for my own insecurities by clinging to mystique? And I’m really not sure how this would be relevant even if I did. But if I was insecure, I somehow doubt that would be my route. Maybe I’d drink a bunch or have an affair with your mom, but clinging to mystique probably wouldn’t do it.
    2) I guess pretty much every other institution is a Top 20 school, while private, while Catholic, while also being the most storied college football program in the land, and therefore we’re ordinary? Man, you got us there.
    3) I guess that churning out ‘thousands’ of graduates each year (undergrad pop is about 8,000 buddy) is somehow a bad thing? Cuz, ummm, we should should aspire to do more like 15,000 a year like most state schools? Or should we only graduate 100 kids a year? That’s preferable? I don’t get this.
    4) Clearly, we care about the billboard. As does the national press, and your lame ass for reading the article and commenting on it.
    5) The best response the football team can give is to go out and win games. We agree! Wow! But figure it out jackass, WE’RE NOT ON THE TEAM. So what we’re doing is, precisely, the BEST RESPONSE FROM US. ASS-MONKEY.
    6) Your final ‘salvo’ lost all chance of being impactful in any way when you used “LOL”. What are you, a 7th grade girl? You and Tom Reynolds should hang. You’d be best friends.

    Meanie.

  • http://www.cassavaleaf.com/ CassavaLeaf.com

    GO TOM REYNOLDS!!!!!!!!

    BOILER UP!

  • heyNDlosers

    “defies who you are”? well, who are you? someone who feels the need to respond to any slight against an institution where you happen to take classes? good luck the rest of your life, kid, because trust me, there’ll be plenty more headed your way once you get to this side…

    the fact is that your coach has a substandard record at ND thus far-by your own inflated and out-dated standards… and he happens to be a major douche and has been from Day One. It finally appears that some of the ND followers are beginning to catch on to this and through the First Amendment are expressing their opinion… there’s really nothing you can do, nothing will take the image of that billboard away now…

    just laugh and shrug it off

  • Bendabo

    You domers just don’t get it. This guy has the best interests of the program in mind. Charlie Weis hasn’t done anything to distinguish himself from his predecessor who, if memory serves me correctly, was hastened off the property before he could even complete a full recruiting cycle.

    Take the kid gloves off and fire this fat slob.

  • Interesting

    So you are claiming that an Alumni of and former teacher at ND, which pompously (I guess that churning out ‘thousands’ of graduates each year (undergrad pop is about 8,000 buddy) is somehow a bad thing? Cuz, ummm, we should should aspire to do more like 15,000 a year like most state schools?) claims to have high educational standards, does not excel at thinking?

    Condoning assault (verbal assault is still assault), admitting arson (If I happen to set them all on fire, so be it.)

    Proud day for ND.

  • Barry

    I should know better than to respond to some sub-par internet flamer – I mean, anyone who has so much time on his hands that he has to go to some other team’s blog and pathetically attempt to troll is probably in more need of a BJ than any person I know (and I know some people…)

    I’m not even going to waste much time addressing your plebeian idiocy – ’88, ’93 are far from “outdated” and while our players have the additional obstacle of actually attending class and working hard in the classroom (something many D-I places don’t bother with), a commitment to excellence on and off the field is only impossible if we used braindead pantywastes like you on the field.

    Nobody’s pretending that the it’s all rainbows and unicorns, but we’re saying there’s an appropriate time and place for dissent. Limp wristed a-holes like Reynolds and the Florida alum who wrote the letter last year are prime examples of how to NOT do this.

    All I know is:

    -Thousands of billboards get defaced every year.
    -I would probably buy a shirt that says “Tom Reynolds loves the cock”.

  • Mark

    For the record Boiler up is the dumbest cheer of all time. Boiler up! Boiler up? Boiler! Up! Let’s put aside the fact that grammatically it makes no sense (Boiler is short for Boilermaker a noun, it would be like saying milkman up! or cowboy up! the earlier making no sense and the latter being overused and completely ridiculous) I have no idea how it gets people excited for a team. Why would anyone want to Boiler up? Also, it was invented by THE WIFE OF A COACH. Even though it does have literal connection to something (coal fire operators on steam trains would yell “boiler’s up” when the fire was hot enough to power the train) the inventor had no idea of this connection when this phrase was put into practice. This is like putting that USC riff into words and yelling it at every possible moment. Third down? Boiler up! First down? Boiler up! Touchdown? Interception? The third quarter sponsored by Ashley Furniture? Boiler up! If you’re a Purdue fan I will ask: How does it make you feel when Ohio State fans yell “O,H…I,O!”? You find it inane, and moronic, and you get pissed off just thinking about it. Boiler up! is the same thing, except it’s that multiplied by 10 because it doesn’t make any sense. Besides, yelling go Purdue! should be embarassing enough.

  • BJDomer

    OK, guy. First off, yes, to not respond to Tom Reynolds would go against my nature. Plus, he’s allowed to get his message out there. Why shouldn’t I? I completely agree that he is freely expressing his opinion, as he ought to be allowed. And I will do the same. I am a student, and as such, I consider myself one of 8,000 stewards of the great tradition of this university. Tom Reynolds paid for this billboard ad to attract attention to himself. I, and many other students, will make sure anybody wearing this shirt doesn’t feel comfortable doing so. And I don’t mean to suggest that they will be targets of any physical or verbal abuse. But the boos will rain down on them. And if you consider that juvenile, F off, because I’m 20 years old and allowed to be just that, especially in this context.
    I strongly identify with and am intensely proud to attend this university, not just because I worked very hard to get here, but also because I know, having spent two years at another university, just how special this place is.
    And spare me your stories about how things are in the real world. I didn’t ask for your advice, and I hope (wait, actually I don’t care) you don’t mind if I just do what I want.

  • http://www.yourmother.com The Biscuit

    I just saw the words Boiler and Purdue and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • eP

    How can anyone not read that billboard and laugh their ass off?! It’s saying what the entire nation has been thinking since Charlie’s inaugural season at ND!

    There is no shame in admitting your program over-paid for a terrible coach!

    Trust me I can relate (GopherNATION represent)

  • Barry

    Who’s this Weiss guy? I don’t think we have a Weiss on our coaching staff…

    And for the record, Ty was that guy you know at work that works “just” hard enough not to get fired, and it showed. Not to mention he was canned because ND thought they could grab Urban Meyer, which turned out to be a half assed mistake.

    Of course Ty was already shopping Washington for a job before that, but you never hear about that, because it’s easier and more convenient to blame ND.

    For all his faults, you can’t say Charlie doesn’t bust his ass working.

  • Husker

    You guys should lighten up a little. It’s a funny sign. I ran into this blogs because it was linked on Deadspin. If more people come across this blog, which will probably happen, then Notre Dame fans are going to look like a bunch of whiners.

  • Mark

    Husker, I saw the link on deadspin as well. I think most people will come to the conclusion that most of the readership of this blog is confined to people who like Notre Dame football. And most people who like Notre Dame football think this guy is a jackass. It’s not a funny sign if you like the program. If you think Notre Dame is overrated, think Charlie Weis is a loser, think Notre Dame sucks at football etc. you will think we are over reacting and being whiners. It’s kind of like bitching about your boss at work, if another company heard you complaining you would look like whiners, but if you had to deal with his shit all day you wouldn’t think that way.

  • Domers Suck

    Hahahaha!! Domers suck and that billboard is HILARIOUS!! Oh, we’re so mad because we’re 4-87 over the last 8 years. Face it: ND is terrible and has been for many years. Actual football powerhouses don’t even consider Notre Dame a rival any more. Sort of sad, really, if it weren’t so darned funny!!!

  • Barry

    Husker, trust me, as part of the drama and hand wringing that accompanies the start of football season, it’s amusing, much like RichRod crying, certain Hawaii coaches, etc.

    However, as a matter amongst the ND alumni family, it’s the ultimate in classlessness. I don’t want to play the “you don’t understand” card, but it’s as close as I can get. There is a certain component of alumni that feels that this type of negative, childish behavior and the resulting attention is their right because their needs and interests rank above all else.

    Never mind that there are 8,000 students (especially the student athletes) who routinely do their University proud and are now being effectively pissed upon by someone who is supposed to represent maturity and class as a former educator and alumnus. And why? Simply because that person feels the football team is not performing to his expectations or he dislikes the direction of coaching.

    The billboard, more than any comments on this blog, shine a poor light on ND.

  • BJ McKay

    BJ Domer – that might be the loneliest post I’ve ever seen on a message board, and I’m including the Saturday night posts of ole One-Armed Andy on the Amputee Beat-Off Listserv. “I consider myself one of 8,000 stewards of the great tradition of this university”? “I strongly identify with and am intensely proud to attend this university”? Dudette, get a grip. And then the most hilarious thing is he’s a transfer!?! Hahahahahahahaha

  • BJDomer

    McKay, get back to work. The toilets on the second floor are filthy.

  • http://herloyalsons david

    Bendabo…I will not address Tom Reynolds, cause he’s an idiot and it has already been addressed by people who are funnier than I am. I will address your stupid statement which was, “Charlie Weis hasn’t done anything to distinguish himself from his predecessor”. Are you serious? Really? Let’s see….first, Ty recruited terribly. Second, Ty had the program going downward with an experienced and well balanced team. He however left us in terrible shape position wise (specifically OL/DL), and was shopping for another job while at ND. Charlie has always said this was his job until it was decided it wasn’t. Charlie actually travels and recruits hard (see Teo Manti). Do you, as an outside observer, really believe that the number 1 defensive recruit would have come to ND had Ty been here? I could go on, but the fact that you obviously dislike ND that much shows no matter what truth and evidence I have to prove you wrong, you still wouldn’t believe it. So I’ll stop.

    Husker, everybody whines about their programs and favorite teams, as well as every fan base has their idiots. We are calling out one of our own. Get over it. Go over to a husker board, and deal with your own idiots.

    heyNDlosers: Our inflated and outdated standards are that our boys go to school, learn something that allows them to prepare for the next 40 years. Our inflated and outdated standards are that the boys act like men and are held responsible for their actions. And when they don’t act like we think they should, swift action is taken. We also expect that the coach who is here loves our university, “gets it”, and wins a lot of games. The first two years were above expectations, year 3 we all understand now why we were bad, and last year was disapointing. We expect better. If you’re not going for, and gunning for a NC every year, what’s the point?

  • http://domer.mq domer.mq

    Some of our regular readers might wonder why I’m not just deleting the troll comments. It’s because I think it’s serving as an excellent example of “getting it” or “not getting it.” And yeah, I don’t care if they think that sounds pompous.

  • sean

    husker ur wrong, thats the point it isnt funny or clever. nd fans arent unreasonable, i’ll give a smile if someone has a funny nd joke. this is just lame.

  • sean

    n whoever said keep ty willigham . OH MY GOD. charlie weis has beaten ty head to head. im not saying charlie is a great coach, but i would rather have knute rockne’s corpse coach than ty back.

  • san diego irish

    Keep it open DMQ. It’s a good reminder of how lucky we are to be ND fans.

  • Timmy

    What’s worse?? A billboard calling out Charlie Weis or the fact that deep down, all ND fans know that ND football is a joke nowadays??

  • JJVND1

    Timmy,
    Geez – I’m a ND alum and diehard ND fan and didn’t know that our football team was a joke. I guess being extremely proud of the program’s 90 percent plus graduation rate, the very, very low number of players getting into trouble with the law under Weis, not to mention the two BCS appearances (yes losses but still appearances), should make me upset or embarassed according to you. News for you — it doesn’t.

    Yes, we ND fans and alums want to win and win badly on the field. That’s why Ty had to leave –his work ethic showed he didn’t care about winning or the university. But we ND fans also recognize in the end what the university means to us and it’s not just about football.

    DMQ, please continue to publish the classless and clueless comments of Timmy, Husker, heyNDLosers, and others. As you said, it just proves the point of “getting it” or not. I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones who “gets it” and feel very fortunate to be in the ND family. Keep up the great work on this blog guys!

  • SDIRISH

    I did not have the privilege of going to Notre Dame, but I have loved the school since I was a kid. The difference between ND fans and fans of most other schools, is that most other schools fans are only sports fans, and then only for the sport they excel in. Most ND fans are fans not only of the sports programs, but of the standards that the school sets. It is about academics, about holding students and athletes to a standard that doesn’t waiver, and about honoring the tradition of this great school. You don’t get a free pass just because you help put wins on the board. Most people do not “get” ND, because they do not understand that how you get there is often more important than the final result. Of course we want to win, as much as any fan, but we want it done the right way. No shortcuts. No selling out like most of the other “elite” programs have done. We are not Miami, or Nebraska or Florida State where winning goes hand in hand with arrests and suspensions. We are ND and we are true to our beliefs.

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  • Chips and a Coke

    - “We are ND and we are true to our beliefs.”

    - “I consider myself one of 8,000 stewards of the great tradition of this university.”

    FUCK, but you people are LOSERS!!! It’s a little school in the middle of nowhere, folks. From a football perspective, it’s not even the best (notionally) Catholic school, let alone best actual football school. Jesus in heaven, when was the last time you competed (I won’t even say “won”) a national championship? You’ve barely made a bowl game in the last 5 years and when you do it’s inevitably an embarrassing shit-kicking. On top of that, it’s at best a mediocre academic institution. Holy shit but reading these comments is like travelling back in time to an old-time mental institution populated by Civil War veterans: patriotic as hell but as bat shit crazy as the day is long. Freaks.

  • http://domer.mq domer.mq

    Chips and Coke might have just posted my favorite comment by an archetype ever. It must be a miserable human experience to be unable to use words to effectively communicate your rage, having to instead resort to all-caps, four-letter words and multiple exclamation marks at the ends of sentences. I wonder if people like him feel trapped in their body. Do their minds function fine, but their bodies force the communication via grunts and snorts?

  • domer.mq.drinks.urine

    Domer.mq – man, you really nailed it! You’re like some sort of steward of a great tradition or something. The thing these “archetypes” (archetypes? uh, ok…) don’t understand is that we are ND and we are true to our beliefs. Clown. LOSWERLOSWERLOSWERLOSWERLOSWERLOSWER!!!!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!