Notre Dame “Improves” Football Weekend Experience

Here’s the press release. Below are things we find notable, and thus we take note here and add the flourishing touch of commentary.

“Rally on the Green,” a hospitality village located on Irish Green (adjacent to the south side of the DeBartolo Performing Arts Center), will be in operation from 3 to 6:30 p.m. Friday and 10 a.m. to one-half hour before kickoff for each home game. Access to the area will be free of charge and open to the public. It will feature entertainment on a main stage (including bands and speakers), plus roaming “kid-friendly” entertainment throughout the grounds. Food and beverages (including alcohol) will be available for purchase, and Follett’s and other vendors will be on site.

Hrm. Thus far it sounds like “improved football weekend experience” translates to “increased revenue generation.”

* The hospitality village will close in time for the pep rallies, which are scheduled to begin at 6:30 p.m. on Friday evenings. Due to the renovation of the Joyce Center, pep rallies will be held in several locations, as follows:

• Sept. 4 (Friday), Nevada – on the South Quad as part of the annual Dillon Hall rally
• Sept. 10 (Thursday), Michigan – an on-campus event at the Stepan Center for the Sept. 12 road game at Ann Arbor
• Sept 18 (Friday), Michigan State – on Irish Green
• Oct. 2 (Friday), Washington – on Irish Green
• Oct. 16 (Friday), USC – tentatively Notre Dame Stadium
• Oct. 23 (Friday), Boston College – on Irish Green
• Nov. 5 (Friday), Navy – on Irish Green
• Nov. 20 (Friday), Connecticut – in Purcell Pavilion in the Joyce Center

Alright, while I’m not tremendously stoked about the Dillon Pep Rally being moved to Friday and, in all likelihood, undergoing more editing and political correctness checks than your typical State of the Union Address, it is sort of cool that the boys of Dillon get their pep rally and students get to sort of “own” the first pep rally of the season. I’m sure Crackhead is eagerly awaiting an invitation to make an appearance. That said, A) the pep rallies, like the English, are too many. There should only be 2 pep rallies with a schedule like this. One to start the season and one to appropriately recognize the SoCal game weekend. Not only are all of the home games getting a pep rally this year, but the freaking Michigan (sucks!) game is getting a pep rally. What? B) Pep rallies outside after the calendar hits November? At 6:30 pm? Nothing like the raucous sound of a few thousand pairs of mittens clapping.

A corps of Notre Dame guest service representatives, identifiable by green blazers, will be stationed around the campus beginning at 9 a.m. on game days to answer questions, offer maps and lists of activities and otherwise be of assistance to fans.

…and watch you. All of you. Don’t try anything.

The University has created a sportsmanship document that outlines ND Game-Day Courtesy Guidelines, including the rights and responsibilities of all fans. Additional signage will be available in parking lots and at Notre Dame Stadium gates to encourage positive fan behavior.

“No standing. No loud behavior. No breathing too loudly. No anything that might offend the geriatric crowd or cause the guy-sitting-next-to-you-who-took-his-bored-8-year-old-daughter’s daughter to complain that your volume level is hurting her ears. But please feel free to get up from a sitting position if and only if you need to go buy more concessions at any point in the game. Like now. Yeah. Now. We don’t care that there are 2 minutes left, the opposition’s got the ball at ND’s 30, and it’s 3rd and 2. Sit down and be quiet. Unless you want to buy something.” In all seriousness, we absolutely can’t wait to see this thing. We’re sure it’ll be online at the new website mentioned in the release, but that new website isn’t up yet. We love the idea though, sort of like we love the idea of the Pontiac Aztek; An idea so obviously bad that it just had to be allowed to grow and spin out of control.

In an effort to encourage appropriate behavior, fans will be able to utilize a new text messaging system to report any instances of unruly or disruptive behavior in conjunction with home games, including inside Notre Dame Stadium. The system will be in place beginning at 8 a.m. on Saturdays. Fans can simply text 41513 and type into the message the word “Irish” followed by a space, followed by a brief description of the issue and its location. Ushers, public safety personnel and/or University officials will respond as needed.

Yeah. THAT wont get abused either by overzealous soccer moms who only came to the game because their husbands promised them a trip to Tiffany’s in Chicago the next day or by drunk dudes looking to just randomly send the brute squad on wild goose chases. I wonder if we could flash-mob the entire thing and have the Southern Cal visitor section of the stadium vacated by halftime. Oh, and this is all predicated on actually having cell phone reception inside the stadium? During a game?

The University will continue to work with its community partners to provide the safest and most welcoming and enjoyable environment possible on game days – including a newly designed integrated command center in Notre Dame Stadium to respond to any issues.

Hey, look at that, all that glossiness! It’s so glossy! I haven’t seen anything glossed over like that since I stopped working in that nail salon. I was paying the bills! Don’t criticize me for working and contributing to the GDP!

Ahem.

Anyway, even if this press release promised all that we could possibly want to read and more, there’s no telling how things will actually work until the football season starts, so we wont really pick on what’s said in this thing too much. Perhaps ND finally formulated a partnership with state and local law enforcement to ensure that horror stories of visitors who may or may not have had too much to drink are not getting roughed up, or that alums aren’t being milked for every penny that they might have otherwise fed into the local economy. Who knows? I just have a feeling I’ll be glad that I’m not going to see version 1.0 of these new policies in action. After all, Bill Kirk is still part of all of this.