This Might Explain All Those “Soft” and “Out of Shape” Accusations

Many people like to live life making decisions and judgement calls based on statistics. Many people like to make the same sorts of decisions and judgement calls based on anecdotes. Some people find themselves pulled asunder by both desires. And sometimes, an anecdote comes along that is so striking that even the stat-heads have a hard time ignoring it. This is one of those times. (Sad, sad hat-tip to Pat over at BGS for pointing this out.)

Sigh.

Oh, Sam. Oh soon-to-be-Senior-and-4-year-starter Sam. Perhaps this is another Sam Young in the South Bend/Mishawaka area, but we’ve got a feeling this is really you. We’ve got a feeling you really ate 3 lbs. 4.75 oz of Tater Tots in one sitting. We’ve got a feeling that wasn’t anywhere on any nutrition plan that the meager nutrition-planning operation of Notre Dame has created for you. And we’ve got a very bad feeling about all this.

Full disclosure: As a stone thrower, I’m pretty weak. In college I was known to eat entire pizzas (pretty common). I was known to go back for 4ths on Peppered Flank Steak Night at the SDH (also, not that uncommon). I was even known to have eaten an entire jar of peanut butter in one night simply out of curiosity (okay, pretty strange). But I also wasn’t competing against the best athletes in the country at any point in my life. I wasn’t trying to build a championship football team. I wasn’t trying to pursue any dreams that involved athletic endeavors at all.

Now, let’s consider the impact of 3 lbs, 4.75 oz. of tater tots…

Going by the nutritional information of Ore-Ida Tater Tots, a typical serving is 3 oz of tater tots, logging in at 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, and 2 grams of protein. Considering Young consumed, effectively, 52.75 ounces of tater tots, he enjoyed 17.5 servings, or: 2625 calories, and 52.5 grams of fat.

Weighing in at 330 lbs, a man would have to run at a speed of 5 miles per hour for 125 minutes to burn 2625 calories. What’s that equate to in football practice or conditioning? A day? A lost day of practice/training?

Perhaps I’m naive. Perhaps all D1 college football players actually eat “just like regular college kids.” Perhaps my notion that the athletes in the top programs around the country don’t eat tater tots at all, let alone 53 ounces of them in one sitting, is farcical. Perhaps this doesn’t mean anything at all, and it has nothing to do with the ND OL sucking wind and sucking in general late in games that they should have won. Perhaps this is all just a really funny anecdote.

Update: Shortly after posting this, I realized Bar Louie provides their own nutrition information. I didn’t do the math, but if you quickly scan this info (pdf) you’ll see that it’s even worse than I thought.