The Dishotsky Situation: Code Yellow

You might have read CW’s PC and learnt some things about the new staff and the upcoming season.  If you did, you came away with one question:  Who the F is Dishotsky?

Well, we at HLS used our inside sources and got digging.  We googled, we emailed and we watched late afternoon Friday TV just prior to Happy Hour while the rest of you suckers did work.  And man, we found some stuff.

So, apparently Dishotsky is a 6′5″, 320 pound rock solid bohemeth DE from Belarus that was supposed to be a final signing day surprise for the Irish.  Though already 20 years old, Dishotsky hasn’t attended college, as he’s been doing some serious work as a body guard in the Belarus special forces, so he’s retained all 4 years of eligibility.    He played “American Football” growing up and is supposed to be ridonculous.  Rock solid unit.  Oline One Man Wrecking Crew.

When asked about him today, Weis had the following to say:

Q. Has there been any resolution with Dishotsky?
COACH WEIS: You know, it’s interesting, because just last week he had an open-door policy to come here. Just last week he was still not enrolled in any school yet. So I try not to pry too much, because I don’t really know the magnitude of how bad the problems are. You just make yourself available if you want to do that.
I’m not sure, based on the questions he asked, Like, Well, if he wanted to stay out here could I go to that school? Yes. If I wanted to go here, could I go to that school? Yes. I don’t think he really knows what he wants to do yet, because I don’t really know the magnitude of problems. I really think it would be out of line if I asked.

I’ll translate for you quickly – Dishotsky seemed to be leaning Irish around signing day, and Weis was ready to welcome him in. 

 Come on down, my Belarusian friend, and destroy sad little Skunkbear Offensive Linemen with one hand tied behind your back!  Sure, you can use that Death Grip thing you learned in the Special Forces, no problem!

But things have been sketchy over there lately, and Dishotsky has been busy.  You know, instability in the region (this aggression will not stand dude!) etc, and the Belarus government really wanted to keep him around.  So they were throwing tons of cash at him to keep him there, and he hesitated.  In swoops none other than Urban Meyer.

C’mon kid, you can play QB here!  Honest!  Nah, we don’t have anyone at the position, you can start this year!

And that threw everything out of whack.  So the poor kid is stuck between bailing on his country in a time of need, heading to ND and the Irish, or Urban and his lies.  Poor guy.  I hope he makes the right choice.  I mean, look at this guy, he’d be a man among boys – in the back field before the QB puts his hands on the ball, even when under center!  He’d be a killer pickup, so I hope this works out for us.

Note:  The question was actually about Jashaad Gaines, who has been gone from the team for a little while with some personal issues.  The transcription service somehow “heard” Jashaad Gaines and got Dishotsky, which is just awesome.  The pics above are of the Chargers’ Igor Olshansky, who is a baaaaaad man.