An Insider’s Look at Producing a MNC Game
The Biscuit - 2:29 am
We at HLS are seriously connected. We have access to pretty much anyone we want in the college football world, and we have sideline passes and credentials and box suites and free mini corn dogs and all that shite. Because of our unprecedented pull, we were able to actually sit in the Producer’s Booth during the FEDEX BCS NC Game. It was awesome. A play-by-play of how the producer calls the game, each play at a time. The way the magic happens, from a sporting and TV standpoint! AWESOME! Right? RIGHT! Wait, but no, this is Fox…
Here’s the play by play of our time in the booth tonight…
Kickoff.
Announcer: Great opening run-back.
Producer: CUT TO THE F-ING BAND ALREADY!!!!!
Band plays lame 30 second fight song.
Announcer: 3 Yard gain! (it was a 4 yard gain)
Producer: GET US A SHOT OF THE BAND FOR GOD’S SAKE! CUT TO CAMERA 2!!!!
Band’s having fun tonight.
Announcer: Well, it’s 4th and Goal. I say the Sooners go for it. (It’s actually 2nd and goal). Wow, they’re going for it! I really thought they should, but wasn’t sure they would. OH AND THEY’RE STOPPED.
Producer: THE BAND THE BAND!!!
Announcer: Well, they’re going for it AGAIN. WOW! Really crazy. OH AND THEY’RE STOPPED!!!!! AMAZING DEFENSE ON 5th DOWN BY FLORIDA!!!!!!!
Producer: GET ME A SHOT OF THE OU BAND ALREADY!!! THEY’RE PLAYING THE FIGHT SONG AND DOING THAT GOOFY DANCE AGAIN, IT’S SO DIFFERENT FROM THE DAMN NFL I HAVE TO SHOW IT!
Announcer: Okay, looks like I was wrong on the downs. Guess it’s not 6th down, it must be 4th. AND THEY’RE GOING FOR IT! STUFFED! Hey, ah, whatever your name is, was it really 4th this time? Yeah? Yeah. Cool. Damn right you should’ve helped me out there buddy. What’s your name, Jimmy? Jimmy, this is bush league. STUFFED! FLORIDA BALL!
Producer: BAND ME!!!
Announcer: Tebow has the ball. Wow, that was Architecturally Accurate!
Announcer 2: I have no idea what that means, but okay.
Announcer: It means it’s as accurate as an architect’s drawing, duh. I wrote that one down last night!
Announcer 2: Uh, okay man, that’s fine.
Producer: CUT TO THE BAND!!!!
Announcer: Okay, it’s time to give out a few awards. Yes, #2, I know we’re only 2 minutes into the 2nd quarter, but FEDEX paid us some cash-money-records, so let’s give them what they want.
Fedex’s best pass play goes to obvious-play-number 1 and to Percy Harvin because he’s fast and the ball went in the air. The best running play goes to a good runner that just ran a good play about 3 minutes ago. Well, yeah, there weren’t many other options as we’re only 17 minutes into the game, but it was clearly the best run so far! And Fedex both runs (does delivery on the ground) and passes (does delivery through the air), get it? So that’s a really cool thing and we’ll mention it 40 more times to be sure you freaking get it!
Now, the Special Teams award, which ties into…ummm, Fedex Freight? What the F is that? Whatever, that award goes to the OK punter who took that shot well.
Producer: BANDBANDBANDBANDBANDBANDBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!
Announcer: Now let’s go to the only male sideline reporter in the history of football. Man-with-no-name and no-face whom we’ll never show for any reason, what’s going on down there?
Only-Male-Sideline-Guy-Ever: Percy Harvin is only 90%, but he’s still wicked fast! Back to you!
Announcer: Check out this 4-way picture in picture screen we have now! WOW! We can see 4 small versions of a lot of stuff going on and it doesn’t tell us a thing! That’s crazy cool. Look, that guy’s doing that, this guys is…
Announcer 2: WAIT, we just missed 2 plays.
Announcer: Whatever!
Producer: BAND ME!
FIN.
Editors Note: Thank the Good Lord that ESPN won the BCS rights starting in 2011. It pains me to think that Fox will broadcast a few more MNC games, but at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s weird, Fox can do the NFL fine. They absolutely SUCK at CFB. NBC does as well, but at least it lets me see a bunch of games I’d normally miss out here on the West siiiide. The BCS broadcast I’d get no matter what, and I just can’t handle Fox anymore. They could not do a worse job, it’s impossible.
Fox? Yeah, you?
Boo.
NDcivil03
They must have their baseball crews doing college football in the off season.
pitch
crowd
dugout
crowd
bullpen
hotdog vendor
pitch
The architect comment was the one that made my head explode. My living room is still a mess.
January 9, 2009 at 10:55 amPaul
Hmm, I guess I’m glad I only watched the second half. But two things:
1) Don’t hate on FedEx (hate on CFB’s insistence that the sponsor’s name go in the title of every bowl game, but not on FedEx). Fred Smith has a very pleasant, Catholic family, and his company will ship anything anywhere, fast.
2) By “Only-Male-Sideline-Guy-Ever,” you really mean “Only-Male-Sideline-Guy-Since-We-Decided-We-Had-to-Have-a-Friggin-Chick-on-the-Football-Announcing-Squad-About-Ten-Years-Ago.”
January 9, 2009 at 11:06 amdomer.mq
The flautist, 2nd in from the left, front row, is haunting my nightmares.
January 9, 2009 at 12:53 pmThe Biscuit
dude, that’s a piccolo! we laughed at her all night. not AT her, with her. And Paul, I’m not hating on Fedex. I’m hating on their execution of a marketing spot. It was terrible, tasteless and annoying. Marketing is supposed to make us LIKE a company, not be annoyed by it. And a guy’s being Catholic and a nice family certainly doesn’t mean I have to like his company’s marketing.
January 9, 2009 at 2:00 pmDeepTeaKup
Not much else to say other than well done sir, well done.
January 9, 2009 at 2:38 pmspeakirish
Just another reason why HLS is the most entertaining irish blog on the net.
I’ve been screaming at the TV every year that Fox has had the BCS. They are brutal. As much as I don’t want to see ESPN have any more control over the BCS, I’m glad that Fox won’t have it anymore.
HLS, you are the best!
January 9, 2009 at 2:41 pmThe Biscuit
a compliment from DTK? wow. DTK, could you ask RR to ask his Devil Imps to check and see if hell has frozen over yet?
January 9, 2009 at 3:10 pmDeepTeaKup
Okay, Biscuit just heard back from RR. Apparently Knute told him it was a little chilly today but no real risk of freezing.
January 9, 2009 at 4:10 pmThe Biscuit
ha. if knute’s in hell, he’s there as our Good Lord’s angel to spy on Bo, RR and Lucifer to see what they’re up to. but i like the cut of your jib today DTK, you be funny.
January 9, 2009 at 4:14 pmBad Kermit
Brace yourself, Biscuit. You’re also about to get a compliment from me. I couldn’t agree more. Fox is absolutely horrible at covering sports. tHom Brennaman should be convicted to an eternity of listening to his father do play-by-play of his life.
January 9, 2009 at 4:16 pmThe Biscuit
DomerMQ, I don’t like the joke. You pretending to be BK and give me a compliment is just way too obvious since we know it could never ever ever happen in real life, so it’s not that funny.
January 9, 2009 at 4:36 pmSka
Replays were almost non-existent. Reminded of the old ABC. Terribly televised game. Who cares about the over-head cams and the advertising sticker. Show the plays/game. ESPN will not be much better. Please get some educated announcers. Convey important game information. Don’t be the PR agent for players. They are students. Fox (sucks).
January 9, 2009 at 6:12 pmdomer89
Absolutely hilarious.
January 9, 2009 at 10:53 pmSka
OK, I admit to misspeaking. Most of the players were probably not students or at least making an attempt at being a student.
January 10, 2009 at 10:43 amAJW
If memory serves me correct, I believe Fox is done with broadcasting the MNC game. Next years game will be played at the Rose Bowl, and ABC has rights to that game. That’ll be January of 2010, which is how they have set up the contracts.
Then ESPN/ABC picks up all the games in 2011.
Just a silver lining here. Fox will still have the Orange/Fiesta/Sugar next season, but it’s almost over.
January 11, 2009 at 2:33 pm